how bone is your missus.

SWMBO will talk to her sister for an hour or so, and if I ask her what her sister was saying she will give me a ten minute blow by blow conversation (ignoring the fact that I was in the same room as her and already heard both sides of it} then stop.

If I ask her if her sister said anything else later on the answer is usually "well, no..apart from..." and then repeat the headlines of the previous description....

It's like getting the news headlines every hour
Not the current Mrs Ancient but the one before rang her Mum one morning from the car to tell her we were on the way over for lunch.

40 minutes later she finished the call thus:

"Got to go now, we're outside your house".
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
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As the Americans would say, this is a no shitter.....

SWMBO is going to have a coffee morning today - don't ask!

I have been asked to go outside and sit on the terrace with a book (and the dogs) for the duration. I'm happy with that!

The house was cleaned to within an inch of its life yesterday. Everything. Vacuumed, mopped, windows cleaned tables polished, all ready for the grand event. Triangular sandwiches have been made already this morning and what biscuits we have are now on pretty plates. She has just got out her 'good' clothes and is in the shower.

Now I know you will all be concerned about people travelling unnecessarily and social distancing during the very strict Spanish lockdown. Don't be.




They are having it on a conference call type thing..........

You couldn't make it up.
Triangular sandwiches for your lunch today?
 

Kirkz

LE
Not the current Mrs Ancient but the one before rang her Mum one morning from the car to tell her we were on the way over for lunch.

40 minutes later she finished the call thus:

"Got to go now, we're outside your house".
Yet they still managed 4 hours of conversation after arriving.
 
Yet they still managed 4 hours of conversation after arriving.
Herself and two of the DiL's on Skype one day started yacking at around 9am in the morning and they were still yacking when I came into the house at just after 3pm. WTF they find to talk about for that long is beyond me.
 
As the Americans would say, this is a no shitter.....

SWMBO is going to have a coffee morning today - don't ask!

I have been asked to go outside and sit on the terrace with a book (and the dogs) for the duration. I'm happy with that!

The house was cleaned to within an inch of its life yesterday. Everything. Vacuumed, mopped, windows cleaned tables polished, all ready for the grand event. Triangular sandwiches have been made already this morning and what biscuits we have are now on pretty plates. She has just got out her 'good' clothes and is in the shower.

Now I know you will all be concerned about people travelling unnecessarily and social distancing during the very strict Spanish lockdown. Don't be.




They are having it on a conference call type thing..........

You couldn't make it up.
Standards, dear boy, standards. :)
 
When one of my team members isn't set up and ready to go 5 mins before a Zoom meeting I can give them a bollocking.

When my wife tells me, 1 min after the meeting starts, that she can't make Zoom work and it turns out that I have to reconfigure her laptop to make it work

And her laptop language is Japanese

Apparently its my fault :rolleyes:
 
Well apparently hair dye, and nail varnish are now considered essential items?! Who would have guessed!
(We’ve been on lockdown a while now, it’s starting to wear a bit thin now.)
Samette has constructed a fort out of furniture and cushions (Fucking cushions, what do they do all day but sit on my sofa and watch my TV, &etc.). I am assembling a secret force of Special Cuddly Toys to storm the fort. My OH decides, not unreasonably, that we’re being silly. As the first exploding Peppa Pig sails over the battlements herself demands attention.
”Sam, all the hairdressers are closed.”
“So they are, oh light of my life.”
“But they’re essential, aren’t they?”
“No, I would suggest that they’re a luxury for when I’m not bankrupt and when we’ve the money for extras.”
“I’m glad you said that Sam, you can dye my hair.” Said with a big grin of triumph.
“Well darling, when the superior forces of NZ have defeated our Peruvian enemies, I’ll be sure waste no time in reading the instructions and painting your hair.”

Halfway through painting her hair...
“Sam. Do you think you could trim it a bit?”
I left the question unanswered afraid of the mind that could ask such a question.
 
(We’ve been on lockdown a while now, it’s starting to wear a bit thin now.)
Samette has constructed a fort out of furniture and cushions (******* cushions, what do they do all day but sit on my sofa and watch my TV, &etc.). I am assembling a secret force of Special Cuddly Toys to storm the fort. My OH decides, not unreasonably, that we’re being silly. As the first exploding Peppa Pig sails over the battlements herself demands attention.
”Sam, all the hairdressers are closed.”
“So they are, oh light of my life.”
“But they’re essential, aren’t they?”
“No, I would suggest that they’re a luxury for when I’m not bankrupt and when we’ve the money for extras.”
“I’m glad you said that Sam, you can dye my hair.” Said with a big grin of triumph.
“Well darling, when the superior forces of NZ have defeated our Peruvian enemies, I’ll be sure waste no time in reading the instructions and painting your hair.”

Halfway through painting her hair...
“Sam. Do you think you could rim it a bit?”
I left the question unanswered afraid of the mind that could ask such a question.
FOC.
 
Wife upon being late for work jumps out of bed and dresses including slap I around ten ish minutes give or take a few.
She then makes for her car at a rapid rate of nots only to be stopped by a see through brick wall. Lots screaming fit to the devil she finally gives in. The silly cow was trying to open the electronic garage door using the TV remote.
 
Wife upon being late for work jumps out of bed and dresses including slap I around ten ish minutes give or take a few.
She then makes for her car at a rapid rate of nots only to be stopped by a see through brick wall. Lots screaming fit to the devil she finally gives in. The silly cow was trying to open the electronic garage door using the TV remote.
They're OK to keep as pets, but shouldn't be allowed on the furniture. It pisses off the dogs when you evict them to allow pets to sleep on the bed.
 
(We’ve been on lockdown a while now, it’s starting to wear a bit thin now.)
Samette has constructed a fort out of furniture and cushions (******* cushions, what do they do all day but sit on my sofa and watch my TV, &etc.). I am assembling a secret force of Special Cuddly Toys to storm the fort. My OH decides, not unreasonably, that we’re being silly. As the first exploding Peppa Pig sails over the battlements herself demands attention.
”Sam, all the hairdressers are closed.”
“So they are, oh light of my life.”
“But they’re essential, aren’t they?”
“No, I would suggest that they’re a luxury for when I’m not bankrupt and when we’ve the money for extras.”
“I’m glad you said that Sam, you can dye my hair.” Said with a big grin of triumph.
“Well darling, when the superior forces of NZ have defeated our Peruvian enemies, I’ll be sure waste no time in reading the instructions and painting your hair.”

Halfway through painting her hair...
“Sam. Do you think you could trim it a bit?”
I left the question unanswered afraid of the mind that could ask such a question.
Thia made me laugh out loud!
 

wheel

LE
My niece decided to hide her kids Easter eggs yesterday. What better place than her car on the hottest day of the year thus far.
Apparently the kids are not very happy this morning.
 
(We’ve been on lockdown a while now, it’s starting to wear a bit thin now.)
Samette has constructed a fort out of furniture and cushions (******* cushions, what do they do all day but sit on my sofa and watch my TV, &etc.). I am assembling a secret force of Special Cuddly Toys to storm the fort. My OH decides, not unreasonably, that we’re being silly. As the first exploding Peppa Pig sails over the battlements herself demands attention.
”Sam, all the hairdressers are closed.”
“So they are, oh light of my life.”
“But they’re essential, aren’t they?”
“No, I would suggest that they’re a luxury for when I’m not bankrupt and when we’ve the money for extras.”
“I’m glad you said that Sam, you can dye my hair.” Said with a big grin of triumph.
“Well darling, when the superior forces of NZ have defeated our Peruvian enemies, I’ll be sure waste no time in reading the instructions and painting your hair.”

Halfway through painting her hair...
“Sam. Do you think you could trim it a bit?”
I left the question unanswered afraid of the mind that could ask such a question.
You certainly could trim her hair for her surely? Think of how much dosh you would save over the next year or so as it regrows.
1586686999433.png
 

NSP

LE
Halfway through painting her hair...
“Sam. Do you think you could trim it a bit?”
"Sure, pet. Drop your knickers and lie back, then..."
 
Major bloody incident declared this morning when SWMBO runs out of mascara AND prosecco on the same day so they have now both been added to the list of essential items that we are allowed to leave the house for!

I tried to explain to her that they are not terribly essential but she just doesn't see it...
 

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