how bone is your missus.

Blogg

LE
...Yet despite the fact you have them on and your concentration is quite obviously elsewhere as you type or focus on the screen for porn/movies/yootoob, she'll roll up then stand there and yap at you as if your entire day has been spent in anticipation of her showing up and dropping her little conversational pearls for you to hear.

You'll then get stared at until you stop what you're doing so she can ask if you heard what she said, then throw a conrod when you say no.

They should go on their knees and thank Odin every night for another day where you haven't killed them and fed them to the pigs.
It's the mime/goldfish routine that really raises the red mist, especially when I really AM on a call: hand actions and silently flapping gob which I am supposed to instantly and fully comprehend.

Vast majority of these episodes are concerned with wholly unimportant or non urgent matters.
 
Exactly. The demand is that your urgent work related call take second place to them telling you they're going to go outside and hang up the fucking washing.

They would be hunted down on horseback like vermin if it weren't for that little treasure between their legs.
 
"But I told you!"
Yes dear, but where was I?
The answer is that I wasn't in the same room, she was muttering to her laptop, and I still don't know what she was on about.
I expect I have agreed to something.
I hope it won't be too painful.
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
Allow me to pen your list for you.

List starts

1) Tear up wife's list.

List ends
Better to wait until the list is full then write on the bottom "START NEW LIST"

Guaranteed long radio silence every time, the length depending on the time of day.
 

NSP

LE
And the khazi. Mysterious fluffy objects hung all over the show. What do they actually do? Does anyone know?
Collect dust and little more.
 
"You aren't listening to a word I'm saying, are you?"
"Umm, no. These GBFO bright red headphones I've been wearing for he past hour, while compiling the music YOU asked for, could be a clue there."
 

NSP

LE

NSP

LE
This is why I'm pretty content I only have sons and binned their mother years ago, while all their wives and girlfriends are lovely I don't have to put up with a SWMBO of my own, I can sit back and take the piss out of the poor bastards using the "I told you so" line :)
When you have a son you only have to worry about one penis. When you have a daughter you have to worry about all of them.
 
This is why I'm pretty content I only have sons and binned their mother years ago, while all their wives and girlfriends are lovely I don't have to put up with a SWMBO of my own, I can sit back and take the piss out of the poor bastards using the "I told you so" line :)
You lucky lucky bastard!!
 
So the latest SWMBO outrage was Yesterday when SHOCK HORROR I did not do the washing up! Doors were slammed, much stomping of feet and then and then and then she gave me the silent treatment for the entire day! Ahhhhh bliss!! In the end I said to her "listen my little flower is washing up all that very important in the grand scheme of things when Covid is liking 560 people per day in the UK?", there was no answer and the silent treatment continues :)
 
So the latest SWMBO outrage was Yesterday when SHOCK HORROR I did not do the washing up! Doors were slammed, much stomping of feet and then and then and then she gave me the silent treatment for the entire day! Ahhhhh bliss!! In the end I said to her "listen my little flower is washing up all that very important in the grand scheme of things when Covid is liking 560 people per day in the UK?", there was no answer and the silent treatment continues :)
Don't fret. Cold shoulder is better than tongue pie.;)
 
Yesterday Mrs Biff decided she would bleach and clean the shower room, floor to ceiling. No problem.
She let me have a lie in this morning and even brought me a brew in bed before she went off to work.
"The shower is broke, can you take a look at it", she says just before she exits without telling me what's wrong with it.
I soon found out.
We have static shower cubicle with all the fixings built into the wall but an outlet to the shower head on the end of a steel flexible hose. I wish I had taken a photograph. I turned the shower on and it was a dribble compared to the power shower it normally is. The flexible steel shower hose looked like a snake pit. It was so twisted and bent that I feared I'd have to bin it.
Clearly, in her cleaning blitz yesterday, she had used the shower to rinse all the surfaces whilst twisting and turning the head.
She just admitted in a text that the shower hose was very stiff yesterday and had to be forced around the cubicle.
Jesus.
I unscrewed the hand tight hose from the wall, shook it free so it untwisted and now we are back to a power shower.

I now realise that when we had corded telephones, she was the culprit that used to leave them so that when you picked up the receiver, the whole fvcking phone came with it!
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
...And lolls about like a sack of jelly while doing so.
 
Exactly. The demand is that your urgent work related call take second place to them telling you they're going to go outside and hang up the fucking washing.

They would be hunted down on horseback like vermin if it weren't for that little treasure between their legs.
That last line deserved the funny and made me laugh, but I won't tell the wife that one... :)
 
Exactly. The demand is that your urgent work related call take second place to them telling you they're going to go outside and hang up the fucking washing.

They would be hunted down on horseback like vermin if it weren't for that little treasure between their legs.
"But you can come round here and work".

Trans: You can forget bringing anything with you to do. You're on jankers.

I brought some written work to do once. No chance she'd shut up and let me concentrate.
 

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