how bone is your missus.

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LE
Mrs F kindly suggested I put together a list of all the jobs I want to do.

Didn't bother with my own list as she keeps me supplied with "suggestions"
Rather unsurprisingly doing a lot of calls now. Webex or Microsoft Teams, so it's on with the headset, which happens to be a decent Sennhieser rig.

She hasn't worked out yet that much of the time I am listening to music, watching a video or just have them on to avoid yet another wholly pointless conversation/trivial interruption.
 
A mate of mine allowed a reasonably tidy bird to move into his flat. After three days of listenng to "That will have to go, and this will have to go". He told her you will have to go.
 

Kirkz

LE
A mate of mine allowed a reasonably tidy bird to move into his flat. After three days of listenng to "That will have to go, and this will have to go". He told her you will have to go.
I've said this before on here.
My wife suggested I get rid of all my vinyl, I said it'll be easier to get rid of you.
Divorced not long after.
 
I've said this before on here.
My wife suggested I get rid of all my vinyl, I said it'll be easier to get rid of you.
Divorced not long after.
I like your ex-wife already.

Any pics?
 
I am however, deeply worried about SWMBO, who has done NOTHING in the least bone in the past 3 weeks.
 
Mrs F kindly suggested I put together a list of all the jobs I want to do.

Didn't bother with my own list as she keeps me supplied with "suggestions"
Allow me to pen your list for you.

List starts

1) Tear up wife's list.

List ends
 
A builder mate of mine swore by "Fools and little children shouldn't criticise a job until it's finished".
He passed the quote onto me from his farmer uncle. It was amongst the locker room talk at our fencing club that couldn't be mentioned near the very woke female senior coach.
 
I am however, deeply worried about SWMBO, who has done NOTHING in the least bone in the past 3 weeks.
The calm before the storm!!

Be afraid! By very AFRAID :( .

She is - clearly - "planning"/"thinking" of doing something!!
 
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Fúcking this.
Why is it that women have to redesign a man's chez so that it suits some nebulous set of female rules that us testicled people are not privy too?

The sofa has to have scatter cushions all over it so sitting down is impossible without moving them. It's a sofa. It's already fúcking padded!

And the khazi. Mysterious fluffy objects hung all over the show. What do they actually do? Does anyone know?

I live on a 50-year old narrow boat, and had a couple of females come round recently. Most blokes just sit down and drink the beer I give them. Not women, it's a bloody inspection: "You need to to get rid of that" "Don't like that", "Where are the scatter cushions?" etc.

I have a rack of spanners in the part of the boat nearest the engine. "You need to get rid of them."

The spanners for the 60-year old Lister engine? No thanks. It explains why whenever I have to fix a bird's boat, I'm expected to do so with their 'tools', comprising a hammer, a set of rusty mole grips and an axe.

The justification for failing the inspection? ,"You'll never meet a woman with a boat like this". Thank the Gods for that. I have to make my property like they want it before they'll move in. Right. I think I get it. If I don't, they'll stay on the outside bleating where I can't hear them.

Oh, and my mate once gave me the best piece of advice: "Never show a woman or an idiot a job half finished".

And so it was that they found some bare cabin insulation with half a wall of tongue and groove half covering it. And some unsawn tongue and groove lying around. Much tutting. Do they think things just spring up by themselves?
Yup.
I live alone in a very nice penthouse apartment (okay, a flat on the top floor).
A few years back I was dating an incredible woman. Ex-ballerina, fitness instructor and had a few bob after divorcing her millionaire ex-hubby. Also a genuinely lovely person, very pretty and very intelligent. So she bought a new house and I moved in with her. BIG MISTAKE!
First of all the study. I have hundreds of books. I don’t have a book problem, I have a lack of shelving problem. Pretty much every flat surface in my apartment has books on it. The third bedroom in the new house was of a decent size and slated for *my* study - but there is no way I can bring my shelving in a way that will match *her* plans for pictures on the walls, lighting etc.
Lots of other things that she really didn’t get that after living for 5 years on my own, doing my own thing, she didn’t see why I would want to do in a certain way (to be fair I am very passive aggressive and just let her crack on for the most part - and she bought the house cash so I couldn’t complain).

Final straw was I came home from work (still in and living in the Mess during the week), gave her a metric F*** ton of attention and told her I wanted some down time as it had been a crap week and I wanted some PS3 time. Poured a few whiskey’s and then as she couldn’t sleep, wanted attention and I was more interested in CoD and a bottle of single malt than her (very sexy) ass apparently I needed to move out.

Still single, still have my single malts and a PS4 now, and even more books. Occasionally I meet a lovely lass but it really isn’t worth it. As you mention the second the start scanning my grey, walnut and very bachelor pad apartment and talk about scatter cushions I start thinking about the exit plan.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 
I love my wife, she’s lovely. We’re finishing out our shed. I find it hard to reconcile those two statements :)

By “finishing out”, I mean all we need to do is nail the concrete fiberboard lap siding on it. I borrowed some fancy alignment guides from a builder mate of mine so the boards are level and evenly spaced.

I cut, you nail.

I am unable to comprehend, on a 5ft run how you get 1/2” variance from one end to the other, WHILE USING THE FVCKING ALIGNMENT GUIDES!

On the window trim, you nail two nails at each point, each one 1/2” or so from the opposite edges. Not one 1” in, one 2” down on the other side and 1/4” in from the edge.

She’s got more than twice as many actual degrees than I have A-Levels, and couldn’t reverse a trailer if her life depended on it.

But I do love her. Shed’ll be alreet, but I’ll forever look at the one bit and say “Why the fvck didn’t I just have her help hump and dump rather than do shit that I’m going to have to live with?”

My own fault, I suppose.
 

Tyk

LE
Ain't that the truth and DWMBO (Daugher Who Must Be Obeyed) is growing up to be an exact replica of her mother!!
This is why I'm pretty content I only have sons and binned their mother years ago, while all their wives and girlfriends are lovely I don't have to put up with a SWMBO of my own, I can sit back and take the piss out of the poor bastards using the "I told you so" line :)
 
Dont get me started on the subject of scatter cushions!!! I'd rather be water boarded than deal with that shit AGAIN!!
Kick them onto the floor for the degs. That way you and the furmonsters are happy and the missus can fook off and do whatever she does elsewhere, leaving you in peace.
 
Rather unsurprisingly doing a lot of calls now. Webex or Microsoft Teams, so it's on with the headset, which happens to be a decent Sennhieser rig.

She hasn't worked out yet that much of the time I am listening to music, watching a video or just have them on to avoid yet another wholly pointless conversation/trivial interruption.
...Yet despite the fact you have them on and your concentration is quite obviously elsewhere as you type or focus on the screen for porn/movies/yootoob, she'll roll up then stand there and yap at you as if your entire day has been spent in anticipation of her showing up and dropping her little conversational pearls for you to hear.

You'll then get stared at until you stop what you're doing so she can ask if you heard what she said, then throw a conrod when you say no.

They should go on their knees and thank Odin every night for another day where you haven't killed them and fed them to the pigs.
 
Yup.
I live alone in a very nice penthouse apartment (okay, a flat on the top floor).
A few years back I was dating an incredible woman. Ex-ballerina, fitness instructor and had a few bob after divorcing her millionaire ex-hubby. Also a genuinely lovely person, very pretty and very intelligent. So she bought a new house and I moved in with her. BIG MISTAKE!
First of all the study. I have hundreds of books. I don’t have a book problem, I have a lack of shelving problem. Pretty much every flat surface in my apartment has books on it. The third bedroom in the new house was of a decent size and slated for *my* study - but there is no way I can bring my shelving in a way that will match *her* plans for pictures on the walls, lighting etc.
Lots of other things that she really didn’t get that after living for 5 years on my own, doing my own thing, she didn’t see why I would want to do in a certain way (to be fair I am very passive aggressive and just let her crack on for the most part - and she bought the house cash so I couldn’t complain).

Final straw was I came home from work (still in and living in the Mess during the week), gave her a metric F*** ton of attention and told her I wanted some down time as it had been a crap week and I wanted some PS3 time. Poured a few whiskey’s and then as she couldn’t sleep, wanted attention and I was more interested in CoD and a bottle of single malt than her (very sexy) ass apparently I needed to move out.

Still single, still have my single malts and a PS4 now, and even more books. Occasionally I meet a lovely lass but it really isn’t worth it. As you mention the second the start scanning my grey, walnut and very bachelor pad apartment and talk about scatter cushions I start thinking about the exit plan.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Degs. They always have priority and any ntombezaan who wants in on the action gets told that up front. Weeds out the non starters, and those who think they can move up the pack hierarchy on the sly figure out in weeks few that it's the degs they need to impress, not me.

Books on any flat surface not occupied by degs further puts paid to any of their ambitions of domesticating the pack. That's before they ping the safes full of firearms and blades.
 

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