how bone is your missus.

Mate posted this picture on FB with the caption - "Note to self: Don't buy a Border Collie puppy from some dude in the pub when you are pissed!"

Missus turned to me and said, 'Lockers has got a new puppy. It's got really weird paws...' - 'Show me?' 'Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhahahahahahaahhahahahahaha'

She got a right snot on with me and made me promise to never ever share this with anyone else, so here it is...

Puppy....jpg
 
You're doing it wrong.
When I first married her I Monumentally fucked up any DIY or decorating stuff.
She wants stuff painted she does it herself.
Power tools used under supervision only.

Result.
Naw mate, it's the same here as at your place. She wants things painted then she cracks on. I've got better things to do than cede to her decorating whims. I didn't need to fukk up anything at the start of our marriage, I just got her telt.
 
Our house has five walk in closets, Like you I have a small fraction of one of them, the rest are filled with her stuff. Yet she still moans she has nothing to wear.
 
Surely you have enough ammo to waste a round or two at her feet shooing her away?
One should never waste ammunition on such trivial things. I just let her have a a couple of buckets of warm* water from the upstairs window. That soon shifted her.

* Warm water because I like to remain humane.
 
One should never waste ammunition on such trivial things. I just let her have a a couple of buckets of warm* piss from the upstairs window. That soon shifted her.

* Warm water because I like to remain humane.
No charge
 
If you think I'm going to listen to something by that wailing kunt, you sir are sadly mistaken.
That so called wailing kunt is my mother
 
On my Part 2 orders this morning was the urgent need to clean one of the walk in closets this morning,

After *boxing my blankets I report for duty.

My orders are to dive in and "sort out all of my jackets and shirts." A few minutes later I'm done, "OK that's my 5 jackets, 7 pants, and 16 shirts sorted." My tiny corner is spotless, I make no mention of her {possibly} 687 coats, 148 shirts & skirts, 131 tops & flip flops, or the 9 billion pairs of shoes crushed into the remaining 7/8's of the closet.

This is not the reason for posting it wasn't a bad idea tbh it should have been done ages ago.

No, why I'm posting is because Mrs Thonginhercrack has also decided to clean the house at the same time, not a tidy up, but a full on spring cleaning.

Never content with cleaning one room at a time she whizzes around completing little bits & pieces in every room then going back to do a little bit more and round and round she goes.

The blankets are off all of the beds, stuff from the bathrooms is out in the hallways, cushions are off the couch, food from cupboards and the fridge are spread around the kitchen - The house is now a frigging disaster!!!

...
and I can't f-off and go for a beer - I'm trapped.


*maybe or maybe not a code word for something else.
Mrs Dave suffers from dementia and to help her memory I bought a white board a few months ago to help her day-to-day happenings. All has been good up to the start of this COVID-19 crisis.

Previously the white board just had things like:

Day and Date
Time to take meds
Cat meds Y/N
...and general things particular to that day, ie, bin to be taken out, etc.

Now, there is no white space on the board at all - its covered with things like

sort out shed
fill duck pond (done regularly anyway)
Painting
Sort clothes
Clean windows
Sort out sheds
de-frost freezer
etc, etc, etc

She can't do any of those things as she's very unsteady on her feet - the jobs will all fall onto me. She's crafty, too - she'll attempt to do something, say, clean windows and then give up because she can't keep her balance. I have to finish the bloody job off. This doesn't happen just once, oh no, it happens all the time.

I fall into the trap every time - I'm daft, aren't I?* :)

* disclaimer - I have to finish the jobs off otherwise I would never hear the last of it
 
Mrs Dave suffers from dementia and to help her memory I bought a white board a few months ago to help her day-to-day happenings. All has been good up to the start of this COVID-19 crisis.

Previously the white board just had things like:

Day and Date
Time to take meds
Cat meds Y/N
...and general things particular to that day, ie, bin to be taken out, etc.

Now, there is no white space on the board at all - its covered with things like

sort out shed
fill duck pond (done regularly anyway)
Painting
Sort clothes
Clean windows
Sort out sheds
de-frost freezer
etc, etc, etc

She can't do any of those things as she's very unsteady on her feet - the jobs will all fall onto me. She's crafty, too - she'll attempt to do something, say, clean windows and then give up because she can't keep her balance. I have to finish the bloody job off. This doesn't happen just once, oh no, it happens all the time.

I fall into the trap every time - I'm daft, aren't I?* :)

* disclaimer - I have to finish the jobs off otherwise I would never hear the last of it

"Graham......................"
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
Naw mate, it's the same here as at your place. She wants things painted then she cracks on. I've got better things to do than cede to her decorating whims. I didn't need to fukk up anything at the start of our marriage, I just got her telt.
Aye! Right!
 
Mrs Dave suffers from dementia and to help her memory I bought a white board a few months ago to help her day-to-day happenings. All has been good up to the start of this COVID-19 crisis.

Previously the white board just had things like:

Day and Date
Time to take meds
Cat meds Y/N
...and general things particular to that day, ie, bin to be taken out, etc.

Now, there is no white space on the board at all - its covered with things like

sort out shed
fill duck pond (done regularly anyway)
Painting
Sort clothes
Clean windows
Sort out sheds
de-frost freezer
etc, etc, etc! I'm always

She can't do any of those things as she's very unsteady on her feet - the jobs will all fall onto me. She's crafty, too - she'll attempt to do something, say, clean windows and then give up because she can't keep her balance. I have to finish the bloody job off. This doesn't happen just once, oh no, it happens all the time.

I fall into the trap every time - I'm daft, aren't I?* :)

* disclaimer - I have to finish the jobs off otherwise I would never hear the last of it
I'm always finishing jobs she's started, generally saves a trip to the hospital or big clean up.
 
Mrs Dave suffers from dementia and to help her memory I bought a white board a few months ago to help her day-to-day happenings. All has been good up to the start of this COVID-19 crisis.

Previously the white board just had things like:

Day and Date
Time to take meds
Cat meds Y/N
...and general things particular to that day, ie, bin to be taken out, etc.

Now, there is no white space on the board at all - its covered with things like

sort out shed
fill duck pond (done regularly anyway)
Painting
Sort clothes
Clean windows
Sort out sheds
de-frost freezer
etc, etc, etc

She can't do any of those things as she's very unsteady on her feet - the jobs will all fall onto me. She's crafty, too - she'll attempt to do something, say, clean windows and then give up because she can't keep her balance. I have to finish the bloody job off. This doesn't happen just once, oh no, it happens all the time.

I fall into the trap every time - I'm daft, aren't I?* :)

* disclaimer - I have to finish the jobs off otherwise I would never hear the last of it
Exactly why the Tories paid China for this Logan Run disease.
Pensions, NHS and housing all sorted in 3 months
 
Mine wants us to re-paint the bedrooms. The shops that sell paint are closed. Somehow it’s my fault and I’m being unhelpful when I say no...
My bold and I'm wondering what the hell is with the "us" $h!te. FFS man, get her told, she wants it painted then crack on doll.
Nooooooo, That's a failed experiment right there, sounds good on the surface but the end result is not worth the risk.
We're discussing women. It's obviously Sammers fault for not anticipating the shutdown and not having thought of painting the place in colours that she prefers before he even met her.

As for letting them crack on with DIY. A while ago I had arrived home from a business trip and was immediately ushered into the daughters bedroom by Mrs LuckytobeAlive and little Miss Take. "Look what WE painted" the smiles on their beautiful faces were genuine, as were the tears that started to roll down my face.

My immediate impression was that Jackson Pollock or rabid Chimps had stopped by and done it, that turned into wondering if the local Nuke Plant had exploded, wall paint was on the ceiling, the windows, the baseboards, the bed, the dressers, the flooring, the closet doors, the PC Table, everywhere. The trim paint had been similarly applied. Twas only by a bit of luck some ended up where it was supposed to be.

The clean up took weeks of tongue holding. In fact I am so traumatized by the experience that while writing this reply I vomited last nights curry & chips into my coffee and drank it without noticing the difference.

The lesson is don't let em do it by themselves, just don't.
 
Mrs Dave suffers from dementia and to help her memory I bought a white board a few months ago to help her day-to-day happenings. All has been good up to the start of this COVID-19 crisis.

Previously the white board just had things like:

Day and Date
Time to take meds
Cat meds Y/N
...and general things particular to that day, ie, bin to be taken out, etc.

Now, there is no white space on the board at all - its covered with things like

sort out shed
fill duck pond (done regularly anyway)
Painting
Sort clothes
Clean windows
Sort out sheds
de-frost freezer
etc, etc, etc

She can't do any of those things as she's very unsteady on her feet - the jobs will all fall onto me. She's crafty, too - she'll attempt to do something, say, clean windows and then give up because she can't keep her balance. I have to finish the bloody job off. This doesn't happen just once, oh no, it happens all the time.

I fall into the trap every time - I'm daft, aren't I?* :)

* disclaimer - I have to finish the jobs off otherwise I would never hear the last of it
My wife has similar symptoms but I haven't water boarded her yet.

*Sorry to hear that about the wife Dave. Seriously.
 
Driving up the M1 to Sheffield a good few years ago with HiD#1. She nods off holding the map - she always insisted on holding a map (on the M1 FFS) and then nodding off. She wakes up with a start and says:
Oh where are we?

On the M1.

Whereabouts?

Somewhere north of Leicester.

She pores over the map with furrowed brow.

I dont recognise anywhere....

Me: See that blue line going from down to up?

Yeah, I got it.

Well follow it with your finger until you get to the red Fiat and thats us...

Hmmmm, I dont see any red Fiat........... Oh, barstard.

Sweet silence
 

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