how bone is your missus.

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ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer

NSP

LE
I have two sheds here at the moment which were here when I moved in two years ago. They are relatively unsued at present just used to store old cardboard boxes.

Just thought I would mention it. :)
Should we now start a "What's in your shed?" spin-off thread...?
 

CRmeansCeilingReached

ADC
Moderator
I attended the site of a crashed German bomber in Kent and on reading the history of the incident I was fascinated to learn that all of the crew survived but one. The fatality was caused by the driver of the fire engine that attended the crash site, who chased a crew member over a ploughed field and ran him over with the fire engine.
Wow, imagine how gutting that must have been - survive a plane crash, big sigh of relief, only to get run over.

He must have been crushed


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Yesterday 'her highheelness' demands I go get some groceries. It's 11:30am, freezing cold, snowing, with a strong wind blowing off Lake Ontario making it feel like -20c.

Flushed with responsibility and a list off I go.

The grocery store is adjacent to the local bar-tended by a sweet blonde candidate to be a 32 second playmate.

Well, against all odds I refrain from stopping in the pub because I know what I am like, 1 will lead to 10 and NO groceries.

Here is the list.
1582904714579.png

I bimble around the store in a normal manner. Milk, check, Butter, check, oh, oh? I snap a pic text it to the boss and continue my circuit.
1582905412354.png

FISH... Hmmm, 2 large Salmon Fillets go in the basket along with frozen crispy fries, a bag of rice and a large frozen pizza for Friday nights grub.

Toilet paper & paper towel. NO Bounty so I pick up Charmin Ultra instead. NO frozen peas so I pick up a can of Petite Pois. I hear nothing back from the boss about the cream. I pay up and leave.
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Mrs ICBM goes ballistic, Why didn't you get the other cream, I don't want Salmon, we're not having Pizza, I hate tinned peas, OMG! why did you pay so much for Charmin Ultra ??

"FUCK OFF.....What a waste of ffffffffing time that was do it your fukking self next time."
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List or no list in 30 years I've never gotten a shopping trip right yet. I'm still sulking.
 

load_fin

War Hero
Yesterday 'her highheelness' demands I go get some groceries. It's 11:30am, freezing cold, snowing, with a strong wind blowing off Lake Ontario making it feel like -20c.

Flushed with responsibility and a list off I go.

The grocery store is adjacent to the local bar-tended by a sweet blonde candidate to be a 32 second playmate.

Well, against all odds I refrain from stopping in the pub because I know what I am like, 1 will lead to 10 and NO groceries.

Here is the list.
View attachment 452649
I bimble around the store in a normal manner. Milk, check, Butter, check, oh, oh? I snap a pic text it to the boss and continue my circuit.
View attachment 452652
FISH... Hmmm, 2 large Salmon Fillets go in the basket along with frozen crispy fries, a bag of rice and a large frozen pizza for Friday nights grub.

Toilet paper & paper towel. NO Bounty so I pick up Charmin Ultra instead. NO frozen peas so I pick up a can of Petite Pois. I hear nothing back from the boss about the cream. I pay up and leave.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mrs ICBM goes ballistic, Why didn't you get the other cream, I don't want Salmon, we're not having Pizza, I hate tinned peas, OMG! why did you pay so much for Charmin Ultra ??

"**** OFF.....What a waste of ffffffffing time that was do it your fukking self next time."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
List or no list in 30 years I've never gotten a shopping trip right yet. I'm still sulking.
I'm not allowed to go shopping. I ditch the list and fill the trolley with what I like.
This method matches her wishes as much as her list matches her wishes, but gets stuff I like as well.

However, the cost is double...hence I'm banned from supermarkets.

If you don't want to do it, but can't eadily refuse, do it - but only just...
 
Herself is upset with me again and in her eyes at the moment I'm a pure rotten kunt, let me explain. Earlier this morning around just as it's getting light time I'm up in the hayloft when I spies a coyote down by the fence and digging trying to go under it.

I keep a rifle up in the hayloft for just such events and so another coyote was sent to canine heaven or wherever it is they go. I left it laying there with the intention of disposing of it later.

Get the things done that need doing and go out to dispose of dead coyote. Herself is outside as well and sees me heading out and so she decides to take a look with me. The following conversion then took place.

Herself...That's a big coyote, these males are getting bigger around here.

Me... It's a female.

Herself... (looking closer at the coyote) Wait here a minute and don't move it yet.

(She bimbles off to the house and comes back with a pair of surgical gloves on and starts feeling around the coyotes belly)

Herself... It's pregnant, you've killed a pregnant coyote.

Me... Yeah and?

Herself...You could have left her and let her have her pups first

Me... Great shot then, possible five coyotes or more with one round.

Herself... That's not funny, the pups are innocent.

Me... Oh FFS woman! With that I pick it up and set off to dispose of it.

She hasn't spoken to me all morning and it looks like I'll have to make lunch myself. They're emotions really do defy any and all logic, she just doesn't get why I'm okay with killing pregnant coyotes.
You utter b’stard!
 
Friday night “we’re having a BBQ tomorrow”. Have you checked the weather? “No, it’ll be fine”...checked weather, pissing it down mid morning onwards.
 
Do you fancy a cup of tea, oh light of my life?

No thanks.

Anything else?

No, I'm fine thanks.

Exit left to kitchen, make myself a brew, return to the settee.

Ooh, I could do with a nice cup of tea!

5 minutes, 5 f+cking minutes!
 
Do you fancy a cup of tea, oh light of my life?

No thanks.

Anything else?

No, I'm fine thanks.

Exit left to kitchen, make myself a brew, return to the settee.

Ooh, I could do with a nice cup of tea!

5 minutes, 5 f+cking minutes!
Correct reply to that as you sit down is that for her to crack on while the water is still hot.
 
Correct reply to that as you sit down is that for her to crack on while the water is still hot.
You are of course correct.

Do not bother saying, "I just asked you 5 minutes ago!"

"No you didn't."

"I did. I said, do you want a cup of tea, or anything else."

Blank stare!
 

Kirkz

LE
Correct reply to that as you sit down is that for her to crack on while the water is still hot.
Mine would have been "well you know where the kettle is".
 

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