how bone is your missus.

anglo

LE
Oh yes. On the rare occasion it happens I am accused of "Looking miserable" (Wonder why. ...)

Most recently forced to go with her to optician to look at possible frames for perscription sunglasses.

"No"

"No"

"Fcuk no"

"Yeah those are OK"

Imagine she got the hump because I didn't want to discuss pros and cons of each and then justify the view formed in long winded and utterly pointless detail.
SWMBO's navigational skills are zero, so we go somewhere and I make minor cock up
like miss a turn off, [this is in Cornwall ] so it takes a bit to get back on track, and she has
a go at me, I take no notice which upsets her even more, then we get " we might as well go
home", so I just drive to where we want to be, then one day I just drove home,
If I make a cock up now, silence is golden
Do not suggest getting a Sat Nav
 
Can't help but think that retailers would have happier punters if they set aside an area for blokes to sit and relax in whilst the bints were off blowing the cash. Every shop should have a pub in it.
I can remember as a child going shopping in rural Ireland, it seemed every shop had chairs and beer pumps. Dad never complained once whilst me mam was perusing stuff. Can't think why?
 
I'm brutally honest with my Leader. When she asks the question 'does my arse look big in this' or any variation - I tell her!

'What do you think of this one?' I hate it'

What about this one?' Nope. Too tight / baggy.

Etc. At least she knows I'm consistent! *









* I also have a sneaky peek at the price tag!
 

Blogg

LE
Awakes with a jolt, the woman who can never sleep in cars yet has been snoring away in passenger seat for some time. In fact from the moment we pulled out of friends driveway.

"Wha...wassup! Why have we stopped already! We will be late! We are always late!"

"Why do you think people normally stop at fuel pumps? Oh and we are on the way home now. And you are pissed"

Mutters darkly. Snoring resumes
 
I'm brutally honest with my Leader. When she asks the question 'does my arse look big in this' or any variation - I tell her!
The current mrs_mush asks "do you like this one, does it make my arse look big"

"It's lovely " I reply, " but it doesn't flatter you as much as the one you already have at home, that's a real classic skirt/dress/trousers you have"

Works every time
 
The current mrs_mush asks "do you like this one, does it make my arse look big"

"It's lovely " I reply, " but it doesn't flatter you as much as the one you already have at home, that's a real classic skirt/dress/trousers you have"

Works every time
You're on thin ice there, as the hanging question is "why do you think I'm in need of being flattered...?"

Get it wrong & your couch had better be a four seater.
 
You're on thin ice there, as the hanging question is "why do you think I'm in need of being flattered...?"

Get it wrong & your couch had better be a four seater.
I've learned that flattery is the way to win over 95% of the female population and 50% of the male.

Sincerity, if you can fake that you're halfway there.
 
I've learned that flattery is the way to win over 95% of the female population and 50% of the male.

Sincerity, if you can fake that you're halfway there.
Oh, you're so right @mush_dad we obviously have a certain synergy where we could work so well together.

Mind you, if the current mrs_mush_dad ever finally works out that your comment means that her arse looks just as big in her existing outfits then you and I will be spending much more quality time together.

Which I, along with my cat, parakeet and poodle will look forward to, though I would probably strangle the parakeet and poodle as I've always hated the bastards.

I'm sure that you would love that as it would leave much more room on the couch.

Nurseys just popped in, so I'd best go now.
 

Gubmint_Agent

War Hero
We're driving to work, in separate cars, along the same road. I'm behind her.
She phones me to remind me that two new, small and badly-advertised speed-cameras have been installed beside the road up ahead.
"We're nearly at the first one, I'll put my hazards on so you know it's coming up"
"Err babe... you're on the phone, talking to me. How about you just say 'there's the speed camera'..?"
"Oh yeah..."
 

Blogg

LE
We're driving to work, in separate cars, along the same road. I'm behind her.
She phones me to remind me that two new, small and badly-advertised speed-cameras have been installed beside the road up ahead.
"We're nearly at the first one, I'll put my hazards on so you know it's coming up"
"Err babe... you're on the phone, talking to me. How about you just say 'there's the speed camera'..?"
"Oh yeah..."
I never, ever, drive in convoy with Mrs B.

Did it once out of dire necessity and hugely stressful on every possible level.
 
I never drive in convoy with Mrs DN.

She has a complete phobia about overtaking so we will be stuck behind a tractor etc for miles before she will dare to pass. She also clings to the seat / door handle and has a fit whenever I overtake.

I therefore take the lead and let her follow at her own pace. I've usually had time to order a coffee for me and a tea for her and sit down with the newspaper before she arrives.
 

Gubmint_Agent

War Hero
And uses a phone while driving?:eek::p

Penalties
You can get 6 penalty points and a £200 fine if you use a hand-held phone when driving. You’ll also lose your licence if you passed your driving test in the last 2 years.

[Wah shield]
It is possible to hold a phone conversation whilst driving and not hold the phone. Modern devices of which you may have heard called earphones, Bluetooth, etc.
[/Wah shield]
Anyway, the standard of her driving tends to be improved by the soothing distraction of my velvety tones in her ears.
 

wheel

LE
We're driving to work, in separate cars, along the same road. I'm behind her.
She phones me to remind me that two new, small and badly-advertised speed-cameras have been installed beside the road up ahead.
"We're nearly at the first one, I'll put my hazards on so you know it's coming up"
"Err babe... you're on the phone, talking to me. How about you just say 'there's the speed camera'..?"
"Oh yeah..."
You were following her so as long as she did not exceed the limit what’s there to talk about, she is not the only bone one
 

NSP

LE
If behind was always too close. ("Well I didn't want to lose you...")

If in front classic two speed driver.

Full Ahead in straight line then anything vaguely resembling a curve Dead Slow.
Think yourself lucky - there's people where I live that brake every time something comes the other way...
 

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