how bone is your missus.

To complement the cock up Mrs W made in purchasing a useless toaster she has now purchased a rack of six Espresso mugs. Just one slight issue. They are to small to hold the amount of Espresso our machine dispenses.
I am waiting to see how long it takes before they are moved to the back of the Kitchen odds and sods cupboard.
 
To complement the cock up Mrs W made in purchasing a useless toaster she has now purchased a rack of six Espresso mugs. Just one slight issue. They are to small to hold the amount of Espresso our machine dispenses.
I am waiting to see how long it takes before they are moved to the back of the Kitchen odds and sods cupboard.
You shouldn't have bought the wrong machine; silly you!
 

mercurydancer

LE
Book Reviewer
I am in Domodedevo airport now and so bored. I left the wife at her home town a few hours ago, so sad too. Family funeral stuff.

Ah yes, her being bone. I have mentioned many times how she can be homicidal, suicidal or just taking me to my death as collateral damage but I have never tried to kill her. Until now. I don't do domestic abuse unless you count buying her a Sunderland FC pyjama set for Christmas. *

To cut to the chase she washed and ironed my goretex walking stuff, turning my lovely mountain equipment trousers into blotting paper. All three of them. Plus the shirts. I wanted to garrotte her with a thong and urinate on her body. **


*strangely enough I find it arousing

**which I also find arousing.
 
MrsR: "We're out of cigarettes!"
"How can that be, my little possum, considering YOU more or less forced me to go to the shop to buy milk last night (even though we had more than enough, IMHO), adding as an 'afterthought' "Oh, and can you get me some cigarettes while you're there?" (cos she forgot to buy them when she'd been out earlier)
"Well... ummm... you know you bought me a packet...."
"Yes. And even in your worst insomniac phase you couldn't have puffed them all, surely?"
"Well, I went outside for a smoke..."
*I can see where this is going*
"... and left them on the patio table perhaps, conveniently forgetting that rain was forecast...?"
"Well... yes. Can I have one of yours?"
10 minutes later:
"Umm, do you think if I put these on a baking tray, and put them in the oven on a low heat ... WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT!"

Notice how many Mrs sentences begin with Ummmm, or Weellllll...
 
Mrs B's youngest sister is a real PITA. Can get very angry over nothing and will argue about anything anytime.

Happily dealings with her limited. So imagine my surprise when I am informed that she has invited us to go on holiday with her and drippy husband for a whole week. Rental property in Wales apparently.

"What!!!!! It can only turn into a total and utter shitshow. You can't seriously be...."

"Of course not! But I couldn't just say no. So now you'll have to come up with some reason we cannot go."

Decided it was best to do something in the garden for a while.
 
Last night we had a thunder storm (these can be very dramatic on the prairies) brown outs and power cuts are very common, at 22.20hrs the power went out, so SWMBO and I retired for the night, as soon as she had settled down she started complaining that it was very warm, being the ever helpful husband I said "why dont you put the fan on" so she jumped out of bed to switch it on, quickly followed by "you bastard" I had to explain in great detail whilst being harranged that the fan was on the same curcuit as all the other electricity. She is blonde but recently she dyed her hair red, the blonde still surfaces.
 
A friend has a garden shed to get away from his wife and his two female children.
Set up with electricity, beer cooler, tv and heating, best purchase ever his man cave!
Padlocked and only 2 keys, Me & Him.
 
Not our lass this time but she was a witness. We went on holiday to Cyprus two years ago. We went on an organised day out, where I nicknamed the female guide "Radio Athens". The day out ended in Nicosia and a brief trip over the line at the Ledra Street crossing. Crossing back into the South we got a drink and a snack at a cafe that literally backed onto the line as part of the package.

The waiter took our order and then went to the next table. He asked the first woman what she wanted to drink.

"Can I have a Turkish coffee, please?"

If looks could kill...
 
A friend has a garden shed to get away from his wife and his two female children.
Set up with electricity, beer cooler, tv and heating, best purchase ever his man cave!
Padlocked and only 2 keys, Me & Him.
Don't tell porkies, it's your wooden passion palace where you and he engage in all forms of depraved botty sex
 
A friend has a garden shed to get away from his wife and his two female children.
Set up with electricity, beer cooler, tv and heating, best purchase ever his man cave!
Padlocked and only 2 keys, Me & Him.
You haven't really grasped what this thread is about have you.
 
My wife was texting my daughter, who is away in Poland on her first business trip and is struggling with the food. She sent a picture of a steak through, so my missus says “perhaps we should joke and tell her it’s a Polish wild animal, what ones are in Poland?”. “Giraffes” say I, expecting her to laugh. But doesn’t.

Off she texts. About 45 minutes later the room temperature rapidly drops 15 degrees and I’m getting abusive texts for Ms YAR for making her look stupid. The polish coworkers at dinner found it hilarious.

Priceless.
 

napier

LE
Moderator
Kit Reviewer
Not our lass this time but she was a witness. We went on holiday to Cyprus two years ago. We went on an organised day out, where I nicknamed the female guide "Radio Athens". The day out ended in Nicosia and a brief trip over the line at the Ledra Street crossing. Crossing back into the South we got a drink and a snack at a cafe that literally backed onto the line as part of the package.

The waiter took our order and then went to the next table. He asked the first woman what she wanted to drink.

"Can I have a Turkish coffee, please?"

If looks could kill...
I made the mistake of keeping a crate of Efes in my room in the mess in Epi - local staff gave me the evils thereafter
 
My wife was texting my daughter, who is away in Poland on her first business trip and is struggling with the food. She sent a picture of a steak through, so my missus says “perhaps we should joke and tell her it’s a Polish wild animal, what ones are in Poland?”. “Giraffes” say I, expecting her to laugh. But doesn’t.

Off she texts. About 45 minutes later the room temperature rapidly drops 15 degrees and I’m getting abusive texts for Ms YAR for making her look stupid. The polish coworkers at dinner found it hilarious.

Priceless.
Spent a long weekend in Warsaw a few years back, there were two life size metal giraffes in the park there.
 
I'll see what I can do - should be in Warsaw next month or early August. :mrgreen:
Keep an eye out for a red squirrel skull there were loads of the tuffty little fuckers about.
 

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