how bone is your missus.

I've been in a mini 1275GT that clouted a sheep stood in the middle of the road at 40mph.

One completely fecked mini.
One slightly bemused large sheep that got up, went Baaaaaaa and fooking wandered off back over the moor.
 
I've been in a mini 1275GT that clouted a sheep stood in the middle of the road at 40mph.

One completely fecked mini.
One slightly bemused large sheep that got up, went Baaaaaaa and fooking wandered off back over the moor.
By way of a counterpoint, my Dad very lightly tapped a sheep that ran into the road in a Volvo estate (another few feet and he'd have stopped in time). The sheep fell over dead on the spot. Apparently not uncommon for them to die of shock.
 
My mate hit a sheep in his then-new Escort RS Turbo. That motor was properly wrecked: bumper, both spotlights, both headlights, bonnet, both front guards and radiator. He managed to nurse the car to where we both worked at the time, where I looked at it. Steering was boss-eyed as the front crossmember was seriously bent out of shape. Car got re-shelled.

A young girl I used to know came round a corner on a country road and hit a bull. Mark 2 Golf. The bonnet came through the windscreen and took her head off, poor kid.
How was the car?
 
By way of a counterpoint, my Dad very lightly tapped a sheep that ran into the road in a Volvo estate (another few feet and he'd have stopped in time). The sheep fell over dead on the spot. Apparently not uncommon for them to die of shock.
A Volvo.
The most indestructible vehicle on earth. Who needs Challenger if they work out a way to strap a 120mm gun to it.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Ran over? Have you ever seen the state of a car that hits a deer?
Yes, have hit 3 over the years. Each time has been a deer with limp and a car with just a dent in it.
 
Yes, have hit 3 over the years. Each time has been a deer with limp and a car with just a dent in it.
Probably different type of deer where you are, though? Sika or Red deer? I've never seen Roe at my B-i-L's place on the Kyles of Sutherland.
 
I was away last night in lovely (not) Manchester. Got home this evening and went in one of the cupboards to get my evening tablets. We keep a couple of torches in that cupboard, always in the same place so that in the event of a power cut there's reduced fumbling around to find them.

I opened the cupboard to find one torch out of place. On picking it up it flickered. Odd I thought, so I examined it. There's an on/off button on the screw cap at the end where you shove the batteries in. The whole screw cap was loose, so I screwed it shut, at which point the torch came on. I pushed the button to turn it off.

On walking into the living room I asked Einstein if she'd been using the torch. "Yes", she says, "a parcel was left in the little cubbyhole outside, so I used the torch to see what I was doing".

Now bearing in mind she must have pressed the on/off button to turn the torch on in the first place, quite why she then decided to unscrew the end cap to turn it off a minute or so later is a mystery to your correspondent. I bottled out of asking her, as I couldn't cope with the resulting mental befuddlement of trying to figure out her reasoning as to why she'd "turned off" the torch that way.
 
Came back from our first cruise last month (lovely, will go again as soon as I can come up with the cash)
Booked a bus from the boat ship to the airport.
Leave cabin, check all drawers, cupboards, bathroom, shelves, even under the bed.
Seamless and pain-free exit from said floaty thing.
Exit boat, show cruise card
Go through passport control
Go through bio-security (it was Aussie, they take things like that seriously . . . if you're not aware, importing a banana is as bad as declaring membership of ISIS)
Give up embarkation card and get into bus.


All done, nice restful trip through Melbourne to look forward to.

I take out a book to read.



SWMBO suddenly straightens in seat and punches me.


SWMBO: "Where's my tablet?

KD: "Eh?"

SWMBO: "Where's my tablet Kindle?" (NOTE: She has a Lenovo 10" Android tablet, which she insists is a fukcing kindle; she gets a little confused sometimes)

KD: "I don't know, my tablet is in my bag." "I checked"

SWMBO: *empties her bag AND MINE onto seat. "It's not there, I must have left it on the liner"

KD: "Where, O devourer of my life savings, did you leave it. I checked all the cupboards"

SWMBO: "I left it under the pillow" "Why didn't you check?"

KD: "Oh, I am sorrow my LOVE, I didn't think to check there" (I can't find the sarcastic font)

SWMBO: "Well, you should have checked" "You'll have to go back"

.


.


.


KD: "You want me to go back through security, passport control and somehow get back onto the ship without a ticket?"

SWMBO: "Yes" "I need my tablet"

KD exits bus, and finds as suspected, that I would not be allowed back onto ship


KD: "Sorry my Beloved, but I can't get back on board. They'll look for it and get it to the port agent, we can pick it up later or they will post it (at cost+) to us in NZ.

SWMBO:"Why can't you just go on board to get it?" "I know where it is" "I don't trust them to send it properly, and all my emails and Facebook are on it"

KD: "Security my Love"

KD gets on phone to change flights to later (much later, as it has to be next day, which then means booking a hotel for the night.

KD: "All done my Poppet, once we're at the airport (I wasn't getting off this bloody bus at this stage), we'll go to the hotel and get back into the port this afternoon"

SWMBO: *sniffs* "All of this because you didn't check properly"










KD: "Yes" "Sorry"
 
My wife drove my car for the first time yesterday. Broke it within a mile from the house. Nuff said.
That isn't too bad.
Mine managed to scrape the, up to then, immaculate Mondeo estate. Firstly on the front step of the house and then on the garden wall.
"Didn't you hear the parking sensors screaming, oh light of my life?"
"I wasn't listening as it always makes stupid noises".
"Yes direst". (no that isn't a typo)
The best bit was, I knew she would be driving it, so I had left it in a position where she could just reverse without turning the wheel and get out onto the road.
 
All that for somethng warm and greasy to stick your cock into? Cheaper to rent.

The bloke with the apple pie in that American movie had it right.
 
Then it arrived in a box about the size of a washing machine. Hello, I think. Perhaps some assembly required? Well no, it was of a size that might accommodate a spider monkey! Sold on at a loss. Lesson learned: check the specs before committing, lest one makes a monkey of oneself.[/QUOTE]
A similar problem here. Last year Mrs Ancient offered to buy me a telescope for Christmas. Just a small one for using on the range. It arrived in a box the size of a coffin and is more powerful than the one at Jodrell Bank. I can't get rid of it as "It's a present" but it takes up a quarter of the conservatory, is too heavy to lift into the garden even if I was the least bit interested in astronomy and anyway, I live in a capital city so I can't see any stars anyway.

that's what happens when you don't read the spec.
 
That isn't too bad.
Mine managed to scrape the, up to then, immaculate Mondeo estate. Firstly on the front step of the house and then on the garden wall.
"Didn't you hear the parking sensors screaming, oh light of my life?"
"I wasn't listening as it always makes stupid noises".
"Yes direst". (no that isn't a typo)
The best bit was, I knew she would be driving it, so I had left it in a position where she could just reverse without turning the wheel and get out onto the road.
My wife once demolished the back of our Mondeo by reversing into a brick wall that she swore wasn't there when she parked.

Even she doesn't take that much time when shopping!
 
That isn't too bad.
Mine managed to scrape the, up to then, immaculate Mondeo estate. Firstly on the front step of the house and then on the garden wall.
"Didn't you hear the parking sensors screaming, oh light of my life?"
"I wasn't listening as it always makes stupid noises".
"Yes direst". (no that isn't a typo)
The best bit was, I knew she would be driving it, so I had left it in a position where she could just reverse without turning the wheel and get out onto the road.
When I was still married to the ex mrs_mush, she put the wheely bin out one morning and positioned it between the car and the wall with a decent bit of space either side of it.

To get the car off the drive, she just had to reverse back onto the street, but she decides to apply a little left lock on the steering to angle it better. As a result she's now trapped the bin between the car and the wall. Being so clever (a masters degree etc) she reckons steel is stronger than plastic and keeps going.

Later that evening she showed me the wheely bin - a few scratches on it, and the car - drivers side door totally caved in.

I asked her why she carried on with the manoeuvre even though she could feel the door creasing. She said she expected the door to 'pop back out' afterwards.

The insurance company loved her.
 
When I was still married to the ex mrs_mush, she put the wheely bin out one morning and positioned it between the car and the wall with a decent bit of space either side of it.

To get the car off the drive, she just had to reverse back onto the street, but she decides to apply a little left lock on the steering to angle it better. As a result she's now trapped the bin between the car and the wall. Being so clever (a masters degree etc) she reckons steel is stronger than plastic and keeps going.

Later that evening she showed me the wheely bin - a few scratches on it, and the car - drivers side door totally caved in.

I asked her why she carried on with the manoeuvre even though she could feel the door creasing. She said she expected the door to 'pop back out' afterwards.

The insurance company loved her.
Reading this, and similar dits, it is clear the Maltese driving test is less useless than many would think, as the major part involves reverse parking in a restricted space, then de-parking without touching the oil barrels set up to represent the enclosed space - 4in clearance vehicle to barrels on all sides.
Friends on the Island tell me this part of the test is basically unaltered since my mother took it in 1961.
Today, though, it is not conducted in public at what used to be the Empire Football Stadium in Gzira.
On Mother's first attempt in the morning she touched a barrel - Fail: and jeered as such by the groundlings in the stands.
Her driving instructor then wrote her a scrip for a sedative, told her to go home, take a tablet with a glass of brandy , and come back for another attempt in the afternoon. She passed!
 

Similar threads


Latest Threads

Top