how bone is your missus.

Not the missus, but grand mother. Goes shopping in her car, parks (usually by sound), faffs around for about 2 hours including lunch, goes back and cannot find her car. Spends upward of another 2 hours walking the parking lot, the neighbouring street ... eventually phones dad, her son. "Car's been stolen" she says, so he leaves work and drives to where the old girl is. The question of "Where did you park" is answered by "Right there". The old man then subtly reminds her that she had her car repainted (from green to blue) a few weeks before, and she's walked past it oh maybe 8 times in the past 2 hours.
 

Gout Man

LE
Book Reviewer
If we were to divorce I'm certain this would be one of the reasons, I cannot understand the motivation behind putting piles of objects at the top of the stairs leading to the basement, glossy magazines, balls of yarn and anything that would present a trip hazzard. The excuse from SWMBO is that she is piling it up to take down stairs all in one go regardless of the fact that no human would be capable of carrying all of it, let alone down a set of stairs.
Don't start on flat surfaces, the new kitchen completed a couple of months ago has three 9ft runs of clear work surface (as per her request) I now struggle to find a clear area to butter a crumpet, it is absolutley beyond my understanding. All future flat areas will have a 30% slope.
Yep, I call it clutter, she calls it, oh I don’t know what she calls it, I gave up listening and trying years ago.
 

terroratthepicnic

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
What is it with women putting shit on the stairs. They put it there, they know it's there. But it's everyone else's fault when they trip over the shit and fall down the stars.

Is it really that difficult to walk up 13 steps and put them into the relevant location?
 
Re stairs. SWMBO actually has a wicker basket type thing with a base designed so that it sits on two steps of the stair. Imagine if you will an 8 hole bit of Lego with a 4 hole bit stuck on one end at the bottom - got it?

This lives at the top of the stairs - I suppose the idea is that you put 'stuff' that you want to take downstairs into it, then carry it down. But I have no idea, as I have not as yet seen it deployed..... it just lives there, at the top (two!) steps of the stair.



The REALLY worrying thing is that she bought this thing in a real shop!
 
Re stairs. SWMBO actually has a wicker basket type thing with a base designed so that it sits on two steps of the stair. Imagine if you will an 8 hole bit of Lego with a 4 hole bit stuck on one end at the bottom - got it?

This lives at the top of the stairs - I suppose the idea is that you put 'stuff' that you want to take downstairs into it, then carry it down. But I have no idea, as I have not as yet seen it deployed..... it just lives there, at the top (two!) steps of the stair.



The REALLY worrying thing is that she bought this thing in a real shop!
I was given one of those baskets and I gave it away.
Pointless piece of shite.
 
Re stairs. SWMBO actually has a wicker basket type thing with a base designed so that it sits on two steps of the stair. Imagine if you will an 8 hole bit of Lego with a 4 hole bit stuck on one end at the bottom - got it?

This lives at the top of the stairs - I suppose the idea is that you put 'stuff' that you want to take downstairs into it, then carry it down. But I have no idea, as I have not as yet seen it deployed..... it just lives there, at the top (two!) steps of the stair.



The REALLY worrying thing is that she bought this thing in a real shop!
Ah yes, this thing. I think from the contents as shown below it is supposed to be something to which to aspire, a stair basket of one's own.



Dogs are a good solution to stuff left on the stairs. They knock it all flying as they run up and down and therefore make the re-heaping tedious and repetitive enough to retrain your housekeeper. Either that or they'll piss on the basket - same result.

It is for this reason that leaving stuff on the stairs is not one of my gender-specific indiscretions.
 
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Ah yes, this thing. I think from the contents as shown below it is supposed to be something to which to aspire, a stair basket of one's own.



Dogs are a good solution to stuff left on the stairs. They knock it all flying as they run up and down and therefore make the re-heaping tedious and repetitive enough to retrain your housekeeper. Either that or they'll piss on the basket - same result.

It is for this reason that leaving stuff on the stairs is not one of my gender-specific indiscretions.
That just reminded me of something. We had 2 Italian Spinone some years back and if you were upstairs and they got the idea an outing was in the offing, they'd start running up and down the stairs in an effort to hurry you up. 2 x 80-100lb mutts running amok isn't a joke.Thus the game of "Magic Slippers" was born.
With shoes (kept upstairs) on, slippers got carried down to be placed by the front door. Tossing them down the stairs. ricocheting them off the wall past the bend in the stairs got them handily to the foot. If a manic dog's arrse got in the way it temporarily stopped the mayhem. Doing it unannounced didn't seem fair, so a cry of "Magic Slippers" (no idea why Magic) would cause a mad panic to get down before the slippers were tossed or an about face and dash if the hound was on the way up. For some unknown reason the mad wop bastards seemed to love it and a random shout of 'Magic Slippers' would see them scarper and then return to peep around door or wall with that loony excited look that dogs get.
Today, 11 years after the last one died 'Magic Slippers' is still cried before slippers are bunged.
Sorry for the drift.
 
...(snip)...
It is for this reason that leaving stuff on the stairs is not one of my gender-specific indiscretions.
In this particular instance, you may want to check out who wrote post #7548. ;-)
 

Gout Man

LE
Book Reviewer
Stairs are designed for going up and coming back down and as kids we are taught not to play on them as they are dangerous.
Perhaps the women responsible for the above stair clutter are trying to kill you and make a few bob on the insurance.
Do the right thing, give them a nudge and when/if they come round just tell her she tripped over the clutter that SHE PUT THERE!
 
Feck me.

A couple of months back, Mrs Scoldog decides to get rid of the freezer in the garage. We've casually spoken about it over the year, but she decides to empty it all out while I am at work and give it to her brother who wanted one for the farm. I come home on a hot day (This is Australia mind you) to find a pile of rapidly defrosting food in the middle of the garage floor three days out from our garbage collection.

I jammed what I could in our fridge/freezer combo and threw the rest of the stuff that wouldn't smell in the food scraps bin.

A month ago, she decides she wants to go on Weight Watchers (Doesn't need it). Pays for a weeks worth of food and "Oh dear, we don't have any place to store it" so off to the store to shell out $150 for another freezer. The amount of cursing and swearing that I came out with went in one ear and out the other. Upon asking why she didn't ask for the freezer back from the brother, she said "he's already using it, it would be rude to ask it back from him" (Probably a good thing really as I found out over the weekend he uses it to store horse sperm samples).

Last week, she decided she didn't want to continue with Weight Watchers and now doesn't have a need for this bloody freezer.

As she was telling me this, I was idly calculating the volume of that freezer and reckoned if I was to remove the drawers, she could just fold up and fit in there with the door closed.

Purely as a mental exercise, you understand
 
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