how bone is your missus.

Must be a bit slow here. Was she inside the house and if so, why did she need a key to get out?

If she was outside the house with her car keys why not just leave as planned?

Or do your doors lock from the inside with a key?

Honest question.
My ex started work at still-dark o'clock and would lock the house door behind him when he left in the morning. I had to have a replacement house key cut after the original snapped and the new key didn't always turn the tumblers properly, so on more than one occasion I had to leave the house via a downstairs window!
 
My ex started work at still-dark o'clock and would lock the house door behind him when he left in the morning. I had to have a replacement house key cut after the original snapped and the new key didn't always turn the tumblers properly, so on more than one occasion I had to leave the house via a downstairs window!
And that, your honour was why I was found half out the window with the video recorder under my arm as I was taking it back to the shop to be fixed.
 
I wait until SWMBO has just started drying her hair.

I carry out the full S-S-S-S routine, dry off and get dressed.

Then sit and wait for her. No concept of time. I add a half hour to all timings.......
Is that Shit Shower Shave Shag? or Shit Shower Shave Soup, maybe Shit Shower Shave Superfluous as in an unintended extra S
 
Is that Shit Shower Shave Shag? or Shit Shower Shave Soup, maybe Shit Shower Shave Superfluous as in an unintended extra S
Try reading the whole thread before asking bone questions.
 
Is that Shit Shower Shave Shag? or Shit Shower Shave Soup, maybe Shit Shower Shave Superfluous as in an unintended extra S
Shit, shake, shower, shave. Unless you like drips running down your leg and the dot of shame of course.
 
We're eating our lunch; in the background the Tv's chuntering away with trailers for CBS Total Bollocks, or whatever she's been watching. Joan Collins pipes up in that sickly over-English accent she did for Dysentry.
"I want my revenge, my sweet, sweet revenge."

Her: "I could never take to her"
Me: "I'd like to hear her say "You're hurting my anus, my sweet, sweet anus." ('cos I like being kicked in the shin)
Comment ignored.
Her: "I've never seen that film she made."
Me: "The Stud? The Bitch?"
Her: "No, the one she made as a kid, with the horse... BLACK BEAUTY!"
Me: "You mean National Velvet."
Her: "That's the one!"
Me: "You mean the one with Liz Taylor in it."
"Shit!"
 
My mate called in to sort out details for walking the Pennine Way over Cheviots this weekend. Mrs pipes up well you will get an extra hours day light I think you will need it. I look at her a bit puzzled and ask what do you mean dearest. She replies Don,t you know the clocks go back this weekend, I thought you pair were supposed to be organised.
I say to my mate you could not make it up , he laughs at me and says don,t worry my Mrs said exactly the same thing.
Outstanding.
 
Aaaargh ! I use speech recognition software,it has learnt my voice and many unique words,and it’s quite good. This evening Mrs WW wants to write a long document and decided to use the VR.
“It’s no working “ she rages “its typing thongs wrang”
I explain to my one and only love that it’s not understanding you I also told this to Mrs WW
“How so?” She demands I explain.
“Well my vision of loveliness,your not me,you don’t speak the same and the wifey in the software sees you as competition for my affections “
She is now in the kitchen verbally abusing her android phone hoping to air print it off.

I’m going to bed
 
My mate called in to sort out details for walking the Pennine Way over Cheviots this weekend. Mrs pipes up well you will get an extra hours day light I think you will need it. I look at her a bit puzzled and ask what do you mean dearest. She replies Don,t you know the clocks go back this weekend, I thought you pair were supposed to be organised.
I say to my mate you could not make it up , he laughs at me and says don,t worry my Mrs said exactly the same thing.
Outstanding.
That's spooky. The solar panels on our roof are doing quite well this month, although, not surprisingly, as the daylight hours get shorter the production rate falls. This morning, Mrs W casually mentioned that there would be quite a big drop in the figures from tomorrow as a result of the clocks going back.

I laughed, then realised she wasn't joking. I patiently explained that whatever hours we choose to call it when the sun rises and sets, the effect of the sun on the panels remains the same.

She still can't accept it. And she is a trained teacher.......
 
That's spooky. The solar panels on our roof are doing quite well this month, although, not surprisingly, as the daylight hours get shorter the production rate falls. This morning, Mrs W casually mentioned that there would be quite a big drop in the figures from tomorrow as a result of the clocks going back.

I laughed, then realised she wasn't joking. I patiently explained that whatever hours we choose to call it when the sun rises and sets, the effect of the sun on the panels remains the same.

She still can't accept it. And she is a trained teacher.......
Tell me she does physics.
 
During our weekly foray to Morrison's she always manages to disappear and can always be found at the cakes.
Today she purchased a 2-pack of chocolate cheesecake for us (although I like savory, not sweet, I'm obliged to share).
We got home and had the cake with coffee. I noticed that the cheesecake had the base uppermost - no problem, flip it on it's side and dig in.
Then:
Her: "This isn't very nice, is it."
"Mine was fine, what's the problem?"
"Bloody thing keeps shattering into crumbs, it's impossible to eat."
"It's got a crunchy base, is all, it's just upside down."
"Well, I dished it up as it was in the pack."
"You mean the pack that you're supposed to turn upside down on the plate, so the base is the base."
"Oh Bum!" Turns what now looks like a squashed dog turd up the right way. "That's better! Look, it's got flaky chocolate on the top."
 
Off to see the other half of the DN clan last week, about a 45 minute drive.
I put the SATNAV on. It's the type that shows traffic jams in real time so useful as there are 3 alternative routes.

Her: Why have you put the SATNAV on - you know where your brother lives?
Me: Because it's 35 miles away and the SATNAV will show me if there are any traffic jams.
Silence
Her: So you don't really need it then.
Me: No my sweet, but if the motorway / expressway is snarled up then it will find a faster route
Her: Why do you do that?

Me: bangs head on steering wheel.
 

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