how bone is your missus.

In a shining example of why the Royal Signals is well known for bullshit, and one of the nails in my own career coffin, I give you a certain SSgt, whose last name is very similar to that of a well known square in Chelsea.

As a troop staffy, he recognized that his promotion prospects may be enhanced, if his lads were smartly turned out at all times. So every morning parade would have an inspection. Make sure boots and haircuts were tidy, and irons had been used. Twice a week would have sufficed rather than every day, but never mind, not that big a deal.

He then starts noticing that oil and paint spots were getting on peoples' kit, so he enforces the wearing of coveralls. Morning parade would be in covies, just to make sure everyone was in them. Then he insisted the covies were ironed. And worn with belt, useless green plastic. Then he wanted creases in them. Then he starts picking people up for oil and paint on their covies. Fcuking show parade for oil on covies. WTF? So people started taking their covies off after parade and worked in normal working dress. And got paint and oil on them, to keep the covies in good order. FFS.

Bloke was a tool. Don't talk to me about covies, I'm having flashbacks to 20 years ago :)

And why are Army overalls called coveralls?

I remember parades like this in the late 80,s, Coveralls with pressed creases in arms and legs.With stable belts highly polished and battery cravats. Bulled boots also obviously. We used to have 3 sets of coveralls issued so we kept one new set just for parades and swapped into an old set to work in. We also had to get completely changed into working dress for anywhere other than the gun park. Artillery bullshit back then was mind boggling.
 

seaweed

LE
Book Reviewer
The Army has to be different with everything, when I was in we had to do a HAZMAT course where as everywhere else did HAZCHEM.
******* weirdo MOD for you.
In the Andrew they were always ovies.

Ovies.jpg


The model made it to Lt Cdr which is why he had his face blanked out a bit.
 
An ongoing situation: I'm typing in real time.

I'm taking the wife out for an early dinner tonight for her birthday, leaving the household at 16:00, reservation is at 17:00.

12:00:
Her: I'm going to take a shower and start getting ready.
Me: Ok, I'm going for a nap.
13:30: I awake, the bathroom door is still closed but I can hear motion.
13:30 - 15:00: Lot's of motion in & out of the bathroom, to the bedroom, the closet, & back to the bathroom.
15:00:
Me: Any chance we get some closure to the bathroom situation?
Her: What?
Me: Well, we are leaving in an hour and I need to get ready myself.
Her: I'm done, you can use it if you want.
Me: Thanks, for letting me know. - I stand up.
Her: Hang on a sec, I still need to put my lipstick on.
I sit down.
15:28
Me: fer fukks sake.. I need to get ready !!!!!
It: Shush, I'm almost done and walks back into the bathroom, back to the bedroom, back to the bathroom.
15:33: Tick. Tick, Tick, Fume, Fume, Fume!!
15:36:
It: Are you getting ready or what?

I'm gunna blow I tells ya !!
 
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An ongoing situation: I'm typing in real time.

I'm taking the wife out for an early dinner tonight for her birthday, leaving the household at 16:00, reservation is at 17:00.

12:00:
Her: I'm going to take a shower and start getting ready.
Me: Ok, I'm going for a nap.
13:30: I awake, the bathroom door is still closed but I can hear motion.
13:30 - 15:00: Lot's of motion in & out of the bathroom, to the bedroom, the closet, & back to the bathroom.
15:00:
Me: Any chance we get some closure to the bathroom situation?
Her: What?
Me: Well, we are leaving in an hour and I need to get ready myself.
Her: I'm done, you can use it if you want.
Me: Thanks, for letting me know. - I stand up.
Her: Hang on a sec, I still need to put my lipstick on.
I sit down.
17:28
Me: fer fukks sake.. I need to get ready !!!!!
It: Shush, I'm almost done and walks back into the bathroom, back to the bedroom, back to the bathroom.
17:33: Tick. Tick, Tick, Fume, Fume, Fume!!
17:36:
It: Are you getting ready or what?

I'm gunna blow I tells ya !!
You're late. WTF have you been doing? :)
 
An ongoing situation: I'm typing in real time.

I'm taking the wife out for an early dinner tonight for her birthday, leaving the household at 16:00, reservation is at 17:00.

12:00:
Her: I'm going to take a shower and start getting ready.
Me: Ok, I'm going for a nap.
13:30: I awake, the bathroom door is still closed but I can hear motion.
13:30 - 15:00: Lot's of motion in & out of the bathroom, to the bedroom, the closet, & back to the bathroom.
15:00:
Me: Any chance we get some closure to the bathroom situation?
Her: What?
Me: Well, we are leaving in an hour and I need to get ready myself.
Her: I'm done, you can use it if you want.
Me: Thanks, for letting me know. - I stand up.
Her: Hang on a sec, I still need to put my lipstick on.
I sit down.
17:28
Me: fer fukks sake.. I need to get ready !!!!!
It: Shush, I'm almost done and walks back into the bathroom, back to the bedroom, back to the bathroom.
17:33: Tick. Tick, Tick, Fume, Fume, Fume!!
17:36:
It: Are you getting ready or what?

I'm gunna blow I tells ya !!
You muppet!! I start getting ready when SWMBO is at the door ready to leave the house or even better outside. One important point, why didn't you use one of the other bathrooms? why get ready just go as you are, use crash out drills and you should be in the vehicle within 3mins
 
I remember parades like this in the late 80,s, Coveralls with pressed creases in arms and legs.With stable belts highly polished and battery cravats. Bulled boots also obviously. We used to have 3 sets of coveralls issued so we kept one new set just for parades and swapped into an old set to work in. We also had to get completely changed into working dress for anywhere other than the gun park. Artillery bullshit back then was mind boggling.
you mean Onesies.....aaaa bless
 
The current mrs_mush and I have just been watching Supervet on one of the one-double digit satellite channels.

"Why are they pixellating the gory bits?"

'Because it's before the watershed" light of my life, "remember when we watched on C4 it was after 9:00pm"

"That's a shame, I quite like the surgical bits, they're quite interesting. I know I'll record it and play it later after 9:00pm"
 
You're late. WTF have you been doing? :)
You muppet!! I start getting ready when SWMBO is at the door ready to leave the house or even better outside. One important point, why didn't you use one of the other bathrooms? why get ready just go as you are, use crash out drills and you should be in the vehicle within 3mins
Relax Chaps. Show parade was at 16:00. Shit, Shower, Shave, the whole shebang. Waiting for the cab now.
Those quick change parade drills in basic were not for the Army's benefit were they? No, they were designed by married pads who knew better in anticipation of these events.
 
An ongoing situation: I'm typing in real time.

I'm taking the wife out for an early dinner tonight for her birthday, leaving the household at 16:00, reservation is at 17:00.

12:00:
Her: I'm going to take a shower and start getting ready.
Me: Ok, I'm going for a nap.
13:30: I awake, the bathroom door is still closed but I can hear motion.
13:30 - 15:00: Lot's of motion in & out of the bathroom, to the bedroom, the closet, & back to the bathroom.
15:00:
Me: Any chance we get some closure to the bathroom situation?
Her: What?
Me: Well, we are leaving in an hour and I need to get ready myself.
Her: I'm done, you can use it if you want.
Me: Thanks, for letting me know. - I stand up.
Her: Hang on a sec, I still need to put my lipstick on.
I sit down.
17:28
Me: fer fukks sake.. I need to get ready !!!!!
It: Shush, I'm almost done and walks back into the bathroom, back to the bedroom, back to the bathroom.
17:33: Tick. Tick, Tick, Fume, Fume, Fume!!
17:36:
It: Are you getting ready or what?

I'm gunna blow I tells ya !!
I think you either need to alter the timings you've put in the above post, or accept that your table will have been given away...
 
I think you either need to alter the timings you've put in the above post, or accept that your table will have been given away...
If she rings down for the engine warm-up at 1200 with the pilot booked for a 1600 cast-off then I think he needs to consider a new patio.

Or just leave the bathroom door unlocked when he's in the shower.
 
Last edited:
After twenty years or so most men leave the door open when they’re on the shitter!
Twenty years?!

Where do I find these men, that will wait that long?!
 
An ongoing situation: I'm typing in real time.

I'm taking the wife out for an early dinner tonight for her birthday, leaving the household at 16:00, reservation is at 17:00.

12:00:
Her: I'm going to take a shower and start getting ready.
Me: Ok, I'm going for a nap.
13:30: I awake, the bathroom door is still closed but I can hear motion.
13:30 - 15:00: Lot's of motion in & out of the bathroom, to the bedroom, the closet, & back to the bathroom.
15:00:
Me: Any chance we get some closure to the bathroom situation?
Her: What?
Me: Well, we are leaving in an hour and I need to get ready myself.
Her: I'm done, you can use it if you want.
Me: Thanks, for letting me know. - I stand up.
Her: Hang on a sec, I still need to put my lipstick on.
I sit down.
17:28
Me: fer fukks sake.. I need to get ready !!!!!
It: Shush, I'm almost done and walks back into the bathroom, back to the bedroom, back to the bathroom.
17:33: Tick. Tick, Tick, Fume, Fume, Fume!!
17:36:
It: Are you getting ready or what?

I'm gunna blow I tells ya !!
That's not bone, that's just plain rude.

You're taking her out for dinner for her birthday and she's faffing about all afternoon until she's made sure she's still at the house waaaayyy past your reservation time. I think you have to face it - she's just not into you.
 
An ongoing situation: I'm typing in real time.

I'm taking the wife out for an early dinner tonight for her birthday, leaving the household at 16:00, reservation is at 17:00.

12:00:
Her: I'm going to take a shower and start getting ready.
Me: Ok, I'm going for a nap.
13:30: I awake, the bathroom door is still closed but I can hear motion.
13:30 - 15:00: Lot's of motion in & out of the bathroom, to the bedroom, the closet, & back to the bathroom.
15:00:
Me: Any chance we get some closure to the bathroom situation?
Her: What?
Me: Well, we are leaving in an hour and I need to get ready myself.
Her: I'm done, you can use it if you want.
Me: Thanks, for letting me know. - I stand up.
Her: Hang on a sec, I still need to put my lipstick on.
I sit down.
17:28
Me: fer fukks sake.. I need to get ready !!!!!
It: Shush, I'm almost done and walks back into the bathroom, back to the bedroom, back to the bathroom.
17:33: Tick. Tick, Tick, Fume, Fume, Fume!!
17:36:
It: Are you getting ready or what?

I'm gunna blow I tells ya !!
Next time you'll know, so tell her you're taking her out for dinner, let her go through all the faff.
Then, when you return home with a collection of keep-warm boxes from your local takeaway, point out you'd said you would take her out, but that nothing had been said about not coming home with dinner.
From experience , an indeterminate radio silence will ensue.

Edited to correct auto-correct.
 
Last edited:

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