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how bone is your missus.

Excellent.
SWMBO's RATPACK seems to occupy half the footwell of the car. She will complain that she is cold because she has a fvcking great rucksack full of stuff she will never need in the footwell blocking the heater vents. She will then frig about with the climate control until the dual zone system is trying to keep her warm and me cool.
What you need is this stuff...

 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
I ask you, how hard is it to butter bread slices for egg banjos so that they match when the bread is turned over?
 
I ask you, how hard is it to butter bread slices for egg banjos so that they match when the bread is turned over?

"Butter your own f*cking bread next time"
 
I ask you, how hard is it to butter bread slices for egg banjos so that they match when the bread is turned over?
I have the same issue with places that cut bread/toast diagonally, it's pointless but it looks a bit fancy.
Cunts.
 
Excellent.
SWMBO's RATPACK seems to occupy half the footwell of the car. She will complain that she is cold because she has a fvcking great rucksack full of stuff she will never need in the footwell blocking the heater vents. She will then frig about with the climate control until the dual zone system is trying to keep her warm and me cool.
FFS! Just build the patio already!
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
Did you whinge about it to the Badge when the bread didn't match and there were oily prints on it? I'd have loved to have been there if you did.:mrgreen:
You do know that I was the chef dishing out said bread?
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
Her words exactly, even though she offered.
"Next time I won't offer"

Have you had your mail redirected to the doghouse yet?
 
I ask you, how hard is it to butter bread slices for egg banjos so that they match when the bread is turned over?
This pushes one of my buttons, not only for the consequential asymmetry, but also all that horrible scraping and tearing of the bread surface. Bottom right is particularly offensive. Softer butter and a less heavy-handed wrist action required.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
Should see it when Joker butters them, years of practice have given him wrists like Russian shotputters' thighs.
 
SWMBO is on the phone to the eldest, who lives away. He has been to the local septic big box store and picked up a rather nice shelving rack on wheels with loads of storage bins on it. SWMBO says "you could do with one of those, in fact we'll get you two for all your 'junk' (i.e. all the useful stuff you have stored away that she never sees the point of until she breaks something and needs a replacement)" At this point the youngest (still lives with us) chips in that he wants one too, so the next day we drive down to septic big box store and after searching around find three of these racks.

Now they are packaged in a big box for assembly, so we're waling to the cash registers and SWMBO goes "we should have brought my car, these will never fit in your..." Bearing in mind she drives a big 4x4 that is referred to as "the tank" and is probably classed as an agricultural vehicle while I have a little four door hatch thingy. I looked at the three boxes, did a quick mental calculations and said "Nah, she'll be right".

Going through the register she's chatting to the cashier, and repeats the same thing about "we should have brought my car". Walking out to the car park it was "You'll be better off leaving me here while you drive home and drop these off, then come back for me". Got the car and opened the boot "You won't get all three in there, I'll go back and get a coffee while you drive home with two of them and come back for me and the third..."

So, rear seat folded down and the first one goes across folded down seat. Second one goes in narrow ways front to back, then thought that won't go in far enough to get the hatch down so it goes in cross ways next to the first one. Third one goes in the same way, removed parcel shelf goes on top of the three boxes, closed the hatch down gently {in case it was fouled on the last box and I popped the glass out) but it closed without a hitch and about half inch of clearance. Turned to SWMBO, who then muttered that she was going to have to move her seat forward a little and got into the passenger side, leaving me a smug smile which was gone by the time I opened the drivers door...
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
Should see it when Joker butters them, years of practice have given him wrists like Russian shotputters' thighs.
Oi, I use melted butter and a paint brush, years of Army training there, mate.
 
Oi, I use melted butter and a paint brush, years of Army training there, mate.
//Thread drift//

Many moons ago, I was in the shit for something. I was 'requested' to help out in the Regulator's Mess (the RN bastard Police branch).

Another lad and myself were put in a kitchen type place with loads of loafs and sarni makings, and told to knock up a load of butties - turns out it was meat raffle Friday.

We started buttering the bread...... God it was slow and boring. But I was a switched on kiddy. What if we melted the butter, then painted it on the bread? Off we went - paint, put on pile. Paint, put on pile etc. What could possibly go wrong?

I'll tell you what could go wrong. It is a fact of life that things that get warmed up to melt, when subsequently cooled, revert to the original state. And so it was with butter. Suffice to say that we ended up with several tall and solid bready/buttery piles, which were totally useless to man or beast.

My how we laughed..........

// As you were//
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
Oi, I use melted butter and a paint brush, years of Army training there, mate.
Butter? Not by the time it got to us it wasn't. When young and stupid enough to be charged I saw 7lb tins of margarine while being a skivvy in the cookhouse.

The first time I saw real butter in the Army was in the Mess. Then it was cut into nice little shapes on silver platters.

In civvy establishments it became the norm to be asked if one wished to have "spread". If answered in the affirmative another question appeared involving several different types. In the end I found it much easier to ask for buttered bread.
 
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