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how bone is your missus.

Time for a restorative (ie get the **** out of the house) pint. Stroll across the road.
15h32, get SMS: we got another mouse come back and kill it
15h33 send back: just smack him hard
15h33: hes so cute
Oh, FFS.
Fortunately JnrRid hauled the glue trap out and stomped it. Good lad.
Now I am ****-of-the-month at home.

* - Chinese bloke behind counter. This shop sells EVERYTHING.
"Got any mousetraps?"
"What?"
"Mousetraps..."
"Wa dat?"
So I drew a pic of the old-fashioned spring and bar gig.
No good.
so drew a pic of a mouse.
THEN the guy got it, and directed me to the glue gigs.
Classic - made me laugh - cheers.
 
It was bin day on Tuesday, she was going to work, I wasn't..

I bimble out of the bedroom around 06:00 in me shorts, the wife is already up and making coffee, she makes me one too which is a good start to the day.

Sip, Sip...
Her: It's bin bag day today.
Me: Yep.
H: Well, are you going to put them out?
M: Yep.
H: When?
M: They don't get here until 11.
H: Well they have to go out.
M: I know.
H: When are you going to do it?
M: Not Now, It's 10 after 6.
H: You are going to put them out though?
M: Yep.
H: When?
M: Jesus ffffffffing Christ, I'll go do it right now !!

End of nice day :-(
 
It was bin day on Tuesday, she was going to work, I wasn't..

I bimble out of the bedroom around 06:00 in me shorts, the wife is already up and making coffee, she makes me one too which is a good start to the day.

Sip, Sip...
Her: It's bin bag day today.
Me: Yep.
H: Well, are you going to put them out?
M: Yep.
H: When?
M: They don't get here until 11.
H: Well they have to go out.
M: I know.
H: When are you going to do it?
M: Not Now, It's 10 after 6.
H: You are going to put them out though?
M: Yep.
H: When?
M: Jesus ffffffffing Christ, I'll go do it right now !!

End of nice day :-(
Before 11 might have worked, I say might but I fucking doubt it.
 
Before 11 might have worked, i say might but I ******* doubt it.
It is deffo a doubt it, the answer would have been "well, what if they come earlier ?
All I wanted was to drink my coffee and get dressed before I had to go do it.
 
It is deffo a doubt it, the answer would have been "well, what if they come earlier ?
All I wanted was to drink my coffee and get dressed before I had to go do it.
Divorce, it's for winners :mrgreen:
 
Mrs G has at various times been involved with B Cal and then Ski Company so is well travelled and well used to time differences.
On asking her the time the other day it became clear that she is living in some parallel time / space .

Her " not got my glasses " so holds up wrist with watch on
I have a pretty good inbuilt clock so immediately knew some thing was not right .
Her " It's 2 hours fast and 10 minutes slow "
Me "WTF ?"
Her " well it's difficult to untwist the little winder thingy that keeps it waterproof so I left it set where it was after we went away last time"
Me " But although we have been away lots this year it has always been in Europe and they are always a full hour different not 50 mins any where "
Her " Well I know what time it is.....I just take off 2 hours and add 10 mins "
After several years of marriage I know when to just walk away........

Switzerland's finest now tells the correct time again but winter is approaching and when the clocks change so it will begin again ......
 
Mrs G has at various times been involved with B Cal and then Ski Company so is well travelled and well used to time differences.
On asking her the time the other day it became clear that she is living in some parallel time / space .

Her " not got my glasses " so holds up wrist with watch on
I have a pretty good inbuilt clock so immediately knew some thing was not right .
Her " It's 2 hours fast and 10 minutes slow "
Me "WTF ?"
Her " well it's difficult to untwist the little winder thingy that keeps it waterproof so I left it set where it was after we went away last time"
Me " But although we have been away lots this year it has always been in Europe and they are always a full hour different not 50 mins any where "
Her " Well I know what time it is.....I just take off 2 hours and add 10 mins "
After several years of marriage I know when to just walk away........

Switzerland's finest now tells the correct time again but winter is approaching and when the clocks change so it will begin again ......
That's one of the best on this thread


laff.jpg
 
When I'm good and ready now just the hell up about bins and let me drink in peace would be the answer in this household
Probably be about a week until the swelling went down enough for you to see again.
 
When I'm good and ready now just the hell up about bins and let me drink in peace would be the answer in this household
That's our normal stance but a good start to the day and keeping it that way has always been the better, safer, and less painful option for me anyway :)
 
Mrs G has at various times been involved with B Cal and then Ski Company so is well travelled and well used to time differences.
On asking her the time the other day it became clear that she is living in some parallel time / space .

Her " not got my glasses " so holds up wrist with watch on
I have a pretty good inbuilt clock so immediately knew some thing was not right .
Her " It's 2 hours fast and 10 minutes slow "
Me "WTF ?"
Her " well it's difficult to untwist the little winder thingy that keeps it waterproof so I left it set where it was after we went away last time"
Me " But although we have been away lots this year it has always been in Europe and they are always a full hour different not 50 mins any where "
Her " Well I know what time it is.....I just take off 2 hours and add 10 mins "
After several years of marriage I know when to just walk away........

Switzerland's finest now tells the correct time again but winter is approaching and when the clocks change so it will begin again ......

Fucking hell.
Even SWMBO is crying with laughter at that.
 
It was bin day on Tuesday, she was going to work, I wasn't..

I bimble out of the bedroom around 06:00 in me shorts, the wife is already up and making coffee, she makes me one too which is a good start to the day.

Sip, Sip...
Her: It's bin bag day today.
Me: Yep.
H: Well, are you going to put them out?
M: Yep.
H: When?
M: They don't get here until 11.
H: Well they have to go out.
M: I know.
H: When are you going to do it?
M: Not Now, It's 10 after 6.
H: You are going to put them out though?
M: Yep.
H: When?
M: Jesus ffffffffing Christ, I'll go do it right now !!

End of nice day :-(

You're a far better man than me ..

I would have done it on my terms as I see any helpful hint on even mere suspicion of one , from the Moosus, as in your example, as her trying to impose her will on me.......

I don't let BFO Scary men do it , why would I let her?

I may even have left the feckers there just to spite her in order to show her a real example of passive aggressive mind feck in action.

She now knows that any form of thinly disguised nagging wont work as it just makes me get even arrsier than normal.

Last example - she lost her residence permit , basically a plastic ID Card.

Her : I have to report it
Me: yep
H where's the nearest Police Stn
M Bromley, 15 Minute drive
H Are you coming with me
M Yeah, why not? it's a nice day ,we'll have a coffee and a mooch about

Get there , wait for various people to been seen

15 minutes later.

H Reports the situation

Civvy Staff : oh, you do it online now, we don't have the forms here anymore

M Says nish, shakes head - words have failed me
M I don't suppose you knew that
H It says that you have to complete a form and report it
M Hmm? maybe it just says that you have to 'report it' and you have done that womanly assumption thing of knowing just exactly what to do, far better than a mere man would

Get home

M Go and have another search before you report it online as they will cancel it as soon as you report it
less than 10 minutes later sound of happy exclamation

M Where was it?
H In a book, I'm so surprised
M That's one way of describing it


This is why I refuse to be nagged into submission. I will occasionally act less of an arrse than usual but then she thinks i've cracked so then tries the old under the radar stuff .........

H Aren't you glad that i found it

M Shrugs shoulders and says, wasn't my card, .....I'm half winding her up now....then i smile and pretend that i'm happy for her

Meh
 
That's our normal stance but a good start to the day and keeping it that way has always been the better, safer, and less painful option for me anyway:)
Whatever works for you brother, I've been married to her so long I'm past caring about what mood she's in. She starts her shite I just collect the dogs and head out and get things done around the property or go fishing or shooting game or even just walk in the mountains with the dogs.

She then can sulk all she wants and if still sulking when I get home, I head for the man cave. Always some firearms need cleaning or hand loading to be done.
 
Yesterday afternoon, assembling a flat-pack patio sofa in the garden. Contents of pack - seat and front panel, back panel, side panels, Allen key and small spanner, pack of 14 nuts, bolts and washers.

Me (half way through assembly, hot, sweaty and sweary), "Swine of a thing. This bolt is tricky to line up and get through the frames."

Her (brightly), "Try a different bolt - there might be one a bit thinner"

Me, (looking up and wiping sweat from eyes), "WTF? They're all.....Yes my sweet. I don't know why I didn't think of that."

OZ
 
Junior 1 is off to university and "we" are packing the car [i.e. I am packing the car with boxes that have been pre-packed by SWMBO and Junior.

The car is a C class estate. I have folded 2/3 of the back seat down and think that I have packed almost everything with a little space to spare, plus bike on the roof rack.

Me: How much is left to pack my sweet?
Her: Not much. Why, are we short of space?
Me: No, we're ok, but how much is not much?

  • 2x rucksacks, 1 large, one medium.
  • 1x duvet
  • 1x waste paper bin full of stuff
  • 1x box of food
  • 1x clothes maiden (don't ask)
She then says: "Can we fit Junior 2 in as well then so she can come with us?"

On top of this she will want to squeeze in her rucksack (security blanket) and a cool bag of food and drink, which I am always weel aware of.

She gets huffy when I use the 'f' word [which I don't usually use in her presence] as in "fuck me how big do you think the car is?"
 
Junior 1 is off to university and "we" are packing the car [i.e. I am packing the car with boxes that have been pre-packed by SWMBO and Junior.

The car is a C class estate. I have folded 2/3 of the back seat down and think that I have packed almost everything with a little space to spare, plus bike on the roof rack.

Me: How much is left to pack my sweet?
Her: Not much. Why, are we short of space?
Me: No, we're ok, but how much is not much?

  • 2x rucksacks, 1 large, one medium.
  • 1x duvet
  • 1x waste paper bin full of stuff
  • 1x box of food
  • 1x clothes maiden (don't ask)
She then says: "Can we fit Junior 2 in as well then so she can come with us?"

On top of this she will want to squeeze in her rucksack (security blanket) and a cool bag of food and drink, which I am always weel aware of.

She gets huffy when I use the 'f' word [which I don't usually use in her presence] as in "fuck me how big do you think the car is?"
Blindingly obvious to those of us that have served, but you have never packed kit into 58 pattern webbing.
 
Excellent.
SWMBO's RATPACK seems to occupy half the footwell of the car. She will complain that she is cold because she has a fvcking great rucksack full of stuff she will never need in the footwell blocking the heater vents. She will then frig about with the climate control until the dual zone system is trying to keep her warm and me cool.
 

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