how bone is your missus.

Well, Five Roses is pretty good char to begin with so hardly empirical. If you get a ginger biscuit with it the whole experiment goes out the window.
 
Happily not Mrs B but her sister, who calls this morning and asks what would be good for cleaning "slippery stuff" off glass.

Phone gets handed to me and after a few moments the full horror of it becomes clear.

Car windscreen was a bit grotty so she has a rummage in garage and grabs bottle of window cleaning spray.

Except it isn't:

Instant Tyre Dressing
 
Wasn't that the chant of East Fife

they live beside Lochgelly
They havnae got a telly
they're dirty and they're smelly
the Cowden family

sung to the tune for the Adams Family
Yeah! Thanks for that. For the past few days I haven't been able to get the bastard Adams Family theme out of my nut. If I haven't been humming or whistling it, I've been singing it complete with your fucking lyrics.
Thankfully, in this sense only, my wife's in hospital at the mo, or I'd have been shouted at frequently for being an annoying twat, well more annoying than usual.
 
Yeah! Thanks for that. For the past few days I haven't been able to get the bastard Adams Family theme out of my nut. If I haven't been humming or whistling it, I've been singing it complete with your ******* lyrics.
Thankfully, in this sense only, my wife's in hospital at the mo, or I'd have been shouted at frequently for being an annoying twat, well more annoying than usual.
you sir are very welcome ...hope your wife gets well soon
 
Slightly offtopic here, why is it when women reach a certain age, they suddenly become Warriors Of (Their version of) Law And Order?

My brain is melting at the moment from a work colleague who's gas bagging loudly on the other side of my cubicle wall with a friend of hers. They're discussing some traffic ticket the friend got for throwing a cigarette butt out of the car window. It's been twenty minutes now and they've talking about how they should have recorded the police officer while he was given her the ticket, that they should request his body camera footage and how they can request him name to challenge it.

My best mate is a lawyer for a government legal centre. He's told anyone who've come to him and acted like an armchair lawyer that they are f**king idiots and to leave the legal stuff to him.

My mums started going through this just as she semi-retired. Talked to her a while back and shes telling me she emailed every bigwig in town to remove an unregisted car sitting on the street about a kilometre away. I asked why the hell she did this, she said it could be used by terrorists somehow?!?!?!

Just spoke to her again, she's trying to organise an outrage train in regards to a young man who was killed recently near her house. Now she known the young mans family for a while as my brother was good friends with the victim. She's already flying off the handle sending letters to everyone including the Prime Minister as to why we're letting these muslims into the country. At the moment all that is known about the perpetrator is his name and that he is possibly African.

Who needs due legal process when you have elderly women around!
 

Helm

MIA
Moderator
Book Reviewer
Slightly offtopic here, why is it when women reach a certain age, they suddenly become Warriors Of (Their version of) Law And Order?

My brain is melting at the moment from a work colleague who's gas bagging loudly on the other side of my cubicle wall with a friend of hers. They're discussing some traffic ticket the friend got for throwing a cigarette butt out of the car window. It's been twenty minutes now and they've talking about how they should have recorded the police officer while he was given her the ticket, that they should request his body camera footage and how they can request him name to challenge it.

My best mate is a lawyer for a government legal centre. He's told anyone who've come to him and acted like an armchair lawyer that they are f**king idiots and to leave the legal stuff to him.

My mums started going through this just as she semi-retired. Talked to her a while back and shes telling me she emailed every bigwig in town to remove an unregisted car sitting on the street about a kilometre away. I asked why the hell she did this, she said it could be used by terrorists somehow?!?!?!

Just spoke to her again, she's trying to organise an outrage train in regards to a young man who was killed recently near her house. Now she known the young mans family for a while as my brother was good friends with the victim. She's already flying off the handle sending letters to everyone including the Prime Minister as to why we're letting these muslims into the country. At the moment all that is known about the perpetrator is his name and that he is possibly African.

Who needs due legal process when you have elderly women around!
Is your mum RGJ?
 
Or Kelty.
Kelty makes Lochgelly look almost inhabited by somethings akin to human.
you bastard, speaking of Kelty brought this old song back to life, think I may have heard it sung the first time by Hamish Imlach, many(many many) years ago

Kelty Clippie

Verse 1

I have traveled round this country, from shore to shining shore,

From the swamps of Auchterderren, tae the jungles o’ Lochore,

But in a’ these far flung places, there’s none that can compare,

Wi’ the lily o’ Lumphinans, she’s ma lovely Maggie Blair.

Chorus

O’ she’s just a Kelty clippie, she’ll no tak nae advice,

It’s ach drap deid, awa bile yer heid, or I’ll punch yer ticket twice,

Her faither’s jist a waister, her mithers on the game,

She’s just a Kelty clippie, but I love her just the same.

Verse 2

Fae the pyramids up in Kelty, tae the mansions in Glencraig,

We’ve trod the bings together, in many’s the blithe stravaig,

Watched the sun rise over Crosshill, trod Buckavens golden sands,

And many’s the happy night we’ve spent in Lochgelly’s happy land.

Verse 3

Noo she hasn’ae got nae culture, she drives me round the bend,

She sits allnight in her old armchair reading the peoples friend,

Her lapels is full o’ badges, fae Butlins doon at Ayr,

And she gangs tae the bingo every night, wi’ the curlers in her hair.

Verse 4

Well I met her on the 8.15, that night o’ romantic bliss,

I says hey Mag whit’s in yer bag, gie’s a wee bit kiss,

Noo she didn’ae tak that kindly, she didn’ae like ma chaff,

And being a contrary kind o’ lass, she says c’mon get aff.

Verse 4

Well things are a wee bit better noo, I’ve gone and bought the ring,

I won it fae Jim at the pitch and toss, last night at the Lindsay bing,

Wi’ her wee black bag and ticket machine, she did ma heart ensnare,

She’s the lily o’ Lumphinans, She’s ma bonnie Maggie Blair




It's now in my fucking head and driving me up the wall
 
you bastard, speaking of Kelty brought this old song back to life, think I may have heard it sung the first time by Hamish Imlach, many(many many) years ago

Kelty Clippie

Verse 1

I have traveled round this country, from shore to shining shore,

From the swamps of Auchterderren, tae the jungles o’ Lochore,

But in a’ these far flung places, there’s none that can compare,

Wi’ the lily o’ Lumphinans, she’s ma lovely Maggie Blair.

Chorus

O’ she’s just a Kelty clippie, she’ll no tak nae advice,

It’s ach drap deid, awa bile yer heid, or I’ll punch yer ticket twice,

Her faither’s jist a waister, her mithers on the game,

She’s just a Kelty clippie, but I love her just the same.

Verse 2

Fae the pyramids up in Kelty, tae the mansions in Glencraig,

We’ve trod the bings together, in many’s the blithe stravaig,

Watched the sun rise over Crosshill, trod Buckavens golden sands,

And many’s the happy night we’ve spent in Lochgelly’s happy land.

Verse 3

Noo she hasn’ae got nae culture, she drives me round the bend,

She sits allnight in her old armchair reading the peoples friend,

Her lapels is full o’ badges, fae Butlins doon at Ayr,

And she gangs tae the bingo every night, wi’ the curlers in her hair.

Verse 4

Well I met her on the 8.15, that night o’ romantic bliss,

I says hey Mag whit’s in yer bag, gie’s a wee bit kiss,

Noo she didn’ae tak that kindly, she didn’ae like ma chaff,

And being a contrary kind o’ lass, she says c’mon get aff.

Verse 4

Well things are a wee bit better noo, I’ve gone and bought the ring,

I won it fae Jim at the pitch and toss, last night at the Lindsay bing,

Wi’ her wee black bag and ticket machine, she did ma heart ensnare,

She’s the lily o’ Lumphinans, She’s ma bonnie Maggie Blair




It's now in my ******* head and driving me up the wall
Haven't heard that before, I do like his Dundee Ghost.
 
you bastard, speaking of Kelty brought this old song back to life, think I may have heard it sung the first time by Hamish Imlach, many(many many) years ago

Kelty Clippie

Verse 1

I have traveled round this country, from shore to shining shore,

From the swamps of Auchterderren, tae the jungles o’ Lochore,

But in a’ these far flung places, there’s none that can compare,

Wi’ the lily o’ Lumphinans, she’s ma lovely Maggie Blair.

Chorus

O’ she’s just a Kelty clippie, she’ll no tak nae advice,

It’s ach drap deid, awa bile yer heid, or I’ll punch yer ticket twice,

Her faither’s jist a waister, her mithers on the game,

She’s just a Kelty clippie, but I love her just the same.

Verse 2

Fae the pyramids up in Kelty, tae the mansions in Glencraig,

We’ve trod the bings together, in many’s the blithe stravaig,

Watched the sun rise over Crosshill, trod Buckavens golden sands,

And many’s the happy night we’ve spent in Lochgelly’s happy land.

Verse 3

Noo she hasn’ae got nae culture, she drives me round the bend,

She sits allnight in her old armchair reading the peoples friend,

Her lapels is full o’ badges, fae Butlins doon at Ayr,

And she gangs tae the bingo every night, wi’ the curlers in her hair.

Verse 4

Well I met her on the 8.15, that night o’ romantic bliss,

I says hey Mag whit’s in yer bag, gie’s a wee bit kiss,

Noo she didn’ae tak that kindly, she didn’ae like ma chaff,

And being a contrary kind o’ lass, she says c’mon get aff.

Verse 4

Well things are a wee bit better noo, I’ve gone and bought the ring,

I won it fae Jim at the pitch and toss, last night at the Lindsay bing,

Wi’ her wee black bag and ticket machine, she did ma heart ensnare,

She’s the lily o’ Lumphinans, She’s ma bonnie Maggie Blair




It's now in my ******* head and driving me up the wall
I thought it was Gaberlunzie. Gordon Menzies lives not far from Kelty.
 

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