how bone is your missus.

.... It's funny how they can't remember any simple instructions you give them but remember something you supposedly said or did wrong 20 years ago.

They would make great Archaeologists given how good they are at digging up the past.
Those that forget the past are doomed to repeat it... We're just making sure that doesn't happen! ;)
 
Those that forget the past are doomed to repeat it... We're just making sure that doesn't happen! ;)
By reminding us again and again and again and . . .
 
How about dealing with the present once in a while.
"You know what you did!" & "Well if you don't know why I'm angry I'm not going to tell you." is not very helpful for us non-psychics. :p
We have to maintain an air of mystery!
 
My beloved came up with a somewhat crap excuse yesterday, but first a bit of background.
Your correspondent was diagnosed with epilepsy last year (save the sympathy!) which means I have to stop driving until I am 12 months seizure free.
So we decided to downsize the JT fleet to one car, and as neither of our 4 wheeled steeds were particularly practical to have as a sole vehicle, upgrade to an SUV - our choice being a Merc GLC.
So, fast forward to yesterday - Mrs0475 kindly picks me up from work, and we have to go to the GP as daughter (also works with me) needed to pick up a prescription.
Entering the car park, which is, admittedly, not big, Mrs0475 proceeds to gently drive into the fence.
So, my beloved, why did you ignore the increasingly high pitched beeping from the front parking sensors and hit the 8ft concrete post right in front of you, thus putting a scratch on the bumper of our 4 month old, expensive automobile?
Apparently it's all my fault, she was distracted... by what I don't know - apparently thinking about 'stuff' going on, trying to get out of the way of the other car in the car park, and I shouldn't be making her drive a GBFO car..
Thus a bit of radio silence the rest of the way home.
I can beat that.

I used to have a large silver people carrier. I had been away on business for a few days and on my return home decided to take the MX5 to work as it was sunny.

Phone call: "I've dunched* your car"
You're not driving my car, I saw you go out in your car beofre I got the MX5 out
"No, I backed into your car"
Our drive is 21' wide. My car is 6' high and painted silver and parked right over to one side
'How the f-ing hell did you do that?
"Well I've been parking anywhere on the drive for the last few days and forgot you were home"
'You mean you didn't bother to look over your shoulder and did your usualy reverse-without-looking and ignore the reversing sensors thing?'
Huff.
For me, £400 worth of damage to the front bumper. Out of my pocket.



* She makes words up
 
I can beat that.

I used to have a large silver people carrier. I had been away on business for a few days and on my return home decided to take the MX5 to work as it was sunny.

Phone call: "I've dunched* your car"
You're not driving my car, I saw you go out in your car beofre I got the MX5 out
"No, I backed into your car"
Our drive is 21' wide. My car is 6' high and painted silver and parked right over to one side
'How the f-ing hell did you do that?
"Well I've been parking anywhere on the drive for the last few days and forgot you were home"
'You mean you didn't bother to look over your shoulder and did your usualy reverse-without-looking and ignore the reversing sensors thing?'
Huff.
For me, £400 worth of damage to the front bumper. Out of my pocket.



* She makes words up
I'll have you know the verb "to dunch" comes straight from the authorised Geordie dictionary.
 
I can beat that.

I used to have a large silver people carrier. I had been away on business for a few days and on my return home decided to take the MX5 to work as it was sunny.

Phone call: "I've dunched* your car"
You're not driving my car, I saw you go out in your car beofre I got the MX5 out
"No, I backed into your car"
Our drive is 21' wide. My car is 6' high and painted silver and parked right over to one side
'How the f-ing hell did you do that?
"Well I've been parking anywhere on the drive for the last few days and forgot you were home"
'You mean you didn't bother to look over your shoulder and did your usualy reverse-without-looking and ignore the reversing sensors thing?'
Huff.
For me, £400 worth of damage to the front bumper. Out of my pocket.



* She makes words up
That's wimmin. They adopt the 'ostrich' approach to reversing; if they can't see it (because they didn't look for it), it's not there.
 
My ones latest is destroying clutches, I have a 50 year old Landy that she never touches, the clutch has been untouched since 1990 when I bought it.
Our Seat had a new clutch at 44000 miles and the mondeo looks like a new one is fairly imminent at 56000. She rarely drives but after the last outing the mondeo clutch has a slight judder and bites a long way up.
Why didn't I just get an automatic :frustrated:
 
My ones latest is destroying clutches, I have a 50 year old Landy that she never touches, the clutch has been untouched since 1990 when I bought it.
Our Seat had a new clutch at 44000 miles and the mondeo looks like a new one is fairly imminent at 56000. She rarely drives but after the last outing the mondeo clutch has a slight judder and bites a long way up.
Why didn't I just get an automatic :frustrated:
It's a bad habit riding the clutch, but trying to explain why and the principles of a clutch plate and hydraulic cylinders are beyond the understanding of Womankind, it's in the same area as the Gold Standard and the Offside Rule.
 
Given a choice of being strapped into a lifeboat with my knees between those of the person opposite and my shoulders overlapping those either side of me, I'd rather be in a raft - you can lie down and, more critically, stick the relevant parts of you out the side to barf/pee/take a dump.

Shit! This is the interior of that thing in the pic above. No backrests, no seatbelts (presumably because the freight has no training). They're designed to be self-righting - but that's why ours have seatbelts; it's not flipping back over if the contents are all in a heap on the roof.



:eek:
Blimey! Luxury! When I were a sailorman etc. etc.

Sent from my Moto G (4) using Tapatalk
 
My ones latest is destroying clutches, I have a 50 year old Landy that she never touches, the clutch has been untouched since 1990 when I bought it.
Our Seat had a new clutch at 44000 miles and the mondeo looks like a new one is fairly imminent at 56000. She rarely drives but after the last outing the mondeo clutch has a slight judder and bites a long way up.
Why didn't I just get an automatic :frustrated:
What? Like an Uzi or something?
 
Its not just the daft crazy dim shit they get up to. Its the words they use & expect us mere mortals to understand. Technical shit a case in point. Cars to be precise.
If the screen wash needs to refilled its, 'the wicky wicky washy thing has stopped working'.
Now after the 6 odd years we've been together I understand this gibberish. The bloke in the garage doesn't really, but seeing as he's a pretty top bloke & we keep dealing with him cos of his customer service & low prices, he is used to her 'foibles'. He still glances at me when she uses ladies only technical terms describing what may be wrong with a car, & stifles a big grin at me holding my head in my hands.
'
In the EE shop upgrading her shitty Iphone.
'So this is better than my old one because sometime the internet fairies wouldn't deliver the pictures to my screen.'
She;s even used the 'internet fairies' thing on the phone to sky tech support FFS
Stroll fcuking on.

She's got a new car, lots of bells & whistles on it inc integral sat nav system. Me, away for a day with work this week.
'Can you pick me up from X railway station oh love of mine?'
'Yes but how will i find it?'
We went there last week to pick up your mum remember?' I drove & I know the way like the back of my hand.
'Oh yes I do' she replies.

I'm 20 mins out from destination. Text her ETA. Phones me back.
'Ok, she says, but i'm lost, i may be late'.
'How the juddering fcuk can you be lost?'
'I couldn't remember where the station was & now I'm on the other side of town'.
'Where does satnav say you are & how long it will take you to get to the station?'
'What?'
'Satnav. What does it say on the screen?'
'I haven't got...........oh i forgot about that'.

Its a BFO screen in the middle of the console that lights up as soon as you get in the car & press the start button FFS. I could hear her music playing in the background too so she's had to actually bump the satnav function screen up or down a step or two to actually access her bastard music!!

Oh & grey maf? Bugger off coming in here & telling us some home truths!! This is not the place for wimmins logic thank you very much!!
 

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