how bone is your missus.

Our new kitchen lurches towards the 'completion' date. Time to paint the walls. I procure one of those paint colour chart fan things, with literally thousands of colours. There is much walking round, muttering and sucking of teeth - her, not me.

Finally, ta daa! A decision has been made. So off we trot to the local paint mixing place, give him the code number, gets it mixed (cheaper than the one I liked in the local version of B&Q!) and home in time for tea and stickies.

Obviously (yeh right!) she will be helping to roll on the paint, so being a bon oeuf, I spend a couple of hours cutting in right round the entire room, cupboards everything. Step back and think, ummmm, not quite right. But itwas her choice, sowhat do Iknow...... She looks at it, bearing in mind only cutting in at this stage, says 'lovely' and departs. Obviously, she doesn't do the rollering, so being a bon oeuf, I surprised her by going in there first thing in the morning and cracking on. Stepped back.......... it was hideous. It looked a light violet, rather that a cool beige. In her/our defence I have to say that the light in that room does make the colours even on adjacent walls, look very different*.

In she comes - 'surprise my little swamp viper. What do you think?' Silence, then 'ummmm - what do YOU think'. I said 'I hate it!'

We now have a beige paint I have chosen, which (on test patches) looks good. However, I have spent the last couple of days going over the other stuff with white* paint so as to start with a literal clean sheet.

My how we have laughed this weekend........


* As I applied the white she came in and asked why I was painting the walls pale blue. Wasn't convinced until I showed her the white roller coming out of the white paint pot and going on the wall - very wierd.
Hate to say it but on this one methinks you were a Little ''bone'' too.:nod:
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
Thursday: “Sam, my tummy feels funny. I don’t feel well.”
“Don’t worry darling, you often get that, at a certain time of the month. I’m off to work, I’ll be late tonight, see you about midnight.”

Friday: “Sam, my stomach feels awful, I feel awful. I’ve got the squits and I’ve got my period.”
“Well I got that bit correct, the rest, if it’s still bothering you at lunchtime, go to the clinic, I’m sure it’s nothing serious. Bye darling, I’m off to work, I’ll be late again, I’m taking the European group for a meal. See you later.”

Friday Evening. Persistent ‘phone calls, but I’m working, I won’t answer. Out of curiosity I check who is calling. Oh, it’s LBFM’s mother, brother and sister. At a convenient pause in the tour, I call sister (A doctor, and the sanest one in the family.)

“Hi Sam. K (My gf.) is in hospital, apendicitis, operating in 10 minutes, get here soonest!”

I arrange for a replacement guide and scoot, as quickly as the traffic allows to the clinic.

MiL. “Oh, thank goodness you’re here. They’re operating now. Please speak to the admin people, they need your signature on something.”

I’m feeling a bit shit because for two days I’ve just put her poorly tummy down to her period.

Admin people: “ Sign here, here and here. You need to pay another $800.”

“But her medical insurance, it’s an emergency therefore they’ll pay, no?”

“That’s your problem, sign here.”

I’m tired, confused and still feeling a bit guilty. Not helped by my 5yo daughter saying that, “They’re gunna take all her guts out, find out what bit’s bad and then sew her up again.” (Her grandmother had explained the op... if her Dr auntie had explained, it would have been more gently said.)

Turns out that in a fit of rage two months ago she canceled her medical insurance. Didn’t tell me and forgot to get new cover from another company.

In total I’m now $3000 poorer, (all on my credit card. She was collapsing on the street bad, but still remembered to take my CC with her, hhmmm.)

This morning she is coming home. They did an arthroscopy through her belly-button plus two tiny little holes a bit lower down. She’s fine.

Mentioned to MiL that Samette was terrified by her description of the op.

Mentioned in passing the lack of insurance cover.

Apparently, it’s all my fault. There were other things as well; BiL borrowed my car to transport everyone about. That’s ok, but he then went off to see his girlfriend, in my car, and asked me to pay his petrol costs... I’d left the car full!

I took clothes/pajamas/toothbrush etc to the hospital with me. But I’d forgotten to take hair conditioner.
Some f'kin husband you are!
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
It appears that it is possible to catch "being bone" from the Wife. Last week as you may recall contained Valentines Day. No biggy I hear you say, it's the same date every year so plenty of time to plan and prepare.

As I work away from home Mon-Weds and the light of my life now has a full-time job that means she does not get home until 20:00-ish we discussed said Valentines Day, and in my recollection agreed to postpone it until the Friday.

Sadly her recollection was that we just postponed the meal until Friday with cards and nic-nacs being handed over on the 14th. Come Wednesday evening 0a comes home and hands me a card and a small gift. My comment that I hadn't got anything as I thought we were waiting went down like a sh#t sandwich at an Anorexic Convention.

Now that wasn't the bone bit, after all we all know about plans not surviving first contact. No the bone bit was not getting a card until after the day itself. Have you ever tried getting a Valentines card on the 15th or 16th Feb?

Apparently a Thank You card with handwritten apology, flowers and multiple types of her favourite chocolates is not the done thing!

7 Ps Gents, never forget the 7 Ps.
My OH has a small business making hand made greetings cards, I just trawled through her collection, found one that I thought appropriate for the day, took off the small business sticker with the company name on it and gave it to her once I filled in the appropriate slushy stuff.
 
It appears that it is possible to catch "being bone" from the Wife. Last week as you may recall contained Valentines Day. No biggy I hear you say, it's the same date every year so plenty of time to plan and prepare.

As I work away from home Mon-Weds and the light of my life now has a full-time job that means she does not get home until 20:00-ish we discussed said Valentines Day, and in my recollection agreed to postpone it until the Friday.

Sadly her recollection was that we just postponed the meal until Friday with cards and nic-nacs being handed over on the 14th. Come Wednesday evening 0a comes home and hands me a card and a small gift. My comment that I hadn't got anything as I thought we were waiting went down like a sh#t sandwich at an Anorexic Convention.

Now that wasn't the bone bit, after all we all know about plans not surviving first contact. No the bone bit was not getting a card until after the day itself. Have you ever tried getting a Valentines card on the 15th or 16th Feb?

Apparently a Thank You card with handwritten apology, flowers and multiple types of her favourite chocolates is not the done thing!

7 Ps Gents, never forget the 7 Ps.
But on the plus side the flowers and stuff get a lot cheaper
 
It appears that it is possible to catch "being bone" from the Wife. Last week as you may recall contained Valentines Day. No biggy I hear you say, it's the same date every year so plenty of time to plan and prepare.

As I work away from home Mon-Weds and the light of my life now has a full-time job that means she does not get home until 20:00-ish we discussed said Valentines Day, and in my recollection agreed to postpone it until the Friday.

Sadly her recollection was that we just postponed the meal until Friday with cards and nic-nacs being handed over on the 14th. Come Wednesday evening 0a comes home and hands me a card and a small gift. My comment that I hadn't got anything as I thought we were waiting went down like a sh#t sandwich at an Anorexic Convention.

Now that wasn't the bone bit, after all we all know about plans not surviving first contact. No the bone bit was not getting a card until after the day itself. Have you ever tried getting a Valentines card on the 15th or 16th Feb?

Apparently a Thank You card with handwritten apology, flowers and multiple types of her favourite chocolates is not the done thing!

7 Ps Gents, never forget the 7 Ps.
You are obviously so far under her thumb that you have no bottle.
 
Our new kitchen lurches towards the 'completion' date. Time to paint the walls. I procure one of those paint colour chart fan things, with literally thousands of colours. There is much walking round, muttering and sucking of teeth - her, not me.

Finally, ta daa! A decision has been made. So off we trot to the local paint mixing place, give him the code number, gets it mixed (cheaper than the one I liked in the local version of B&Q!) and home in time for tea and stickies.

Obviously (yeh right!) she will be helping to roll on the paint, so being a bon oeuf, I spend a couple of hours cutting in right round the entire room, cupboards everything. Step back and think, ummmm, not quite right. But itwas her choice, sowhat do Iknow...... She looks at it, bearing in mind only cutting in at this stage, says 'lovely' and departs. Obviously, she doesn't do the rollering, so being a bon oeuf, I surprised her by going in there first thing in the morning and cracking on. Stepped back.......... it was hideous. It looked a light violet, rather that a cool beige. In her/our defence I have to say that the light in that room does make the colours even on adjacent walls, look very different*.

In she comes - 'surprise my little swamp viper. What do you think?' Silence, then 'ummmm - what do YOU think'. I said 'I hate it!'

We now have a beige paint I have chosen, which (on test patches) looks good. However, I have spent the last couple of days going over the other stuff with white* paint so as to start with a literal clean sheet.

My how we have laughed this weekend........


* As I applied the white she came in and asked why I was painting the walls pale blue. Wasn't convinced until I showed her the white roller coming out of the white paint pot and going on the wall - very wierd.
Ah! Paint mixing.
Some years back it was decided to paint various parts (lintels/rendering) of the exterior of our place with masonry paint. Last time had been some form of beige, or possibly grey; this time the boss wanted something a bit different, possibly some shade of terracotta.
There wasn't anything to her liking in the somewhat limited masonry range, so 'let's get it custom-mixed' was the suggestion. I truly don't know whose idea that was.
Sample pots were bought and after several false starts a suitable terracotta was produced.
Off up to B&Q with a painted piece of card; mixologist scanned the card, came up with a number and bunged it into the pc.
The base colour had dashes of different shades squirted in by the machine and was then shaken to buggery and the lid clamped on. "Looks a bit pink", said the wife, "Dont worry" went the mixologist - "It'll dry the right colour."
I started off around the back and worked my way around the side and front as the day progressed, ending up on the sunny south side.
I had been thinking that the colour was a bit different than expected, but thought that it would dry to the right shade and after all, I was wearing reactive glasses which really went dark. At the front, in the sun, it was quickly drying to about the same colour as it was going on....... deep coral pink.
Several times, she'd been out to inspect and bring drinks, but had said nothing. Now, when I said "It's not right is it?" she told me that she'd been thinking that for a while, but hadn't had the heart to tell me as I'd been at it all day.
The house wouldn't have looked out of place in Brixton. One of the neighbours was even worried about our mental health.

It's now beige.
 
My beloved came up with a somewhat crap excuse yesterday, but first a bit of background.
Your correspondent was diagnosed with epilepsy last year (save the sympathy!) which means I have to stop driving until I am 12 months seizure free.
So we decided to downsize the JT fleet to one car, and as neither of our 4 wheeled steeds were particularly practical to have as a sole vehicle, upgrade to an SUV - our choice being a Merc GLC.
So, fast forward to yesterday - Mrs0475 kindly picks me up from work, and we have to go to the GP as daughter (also works with me) needed to pick up a prescription.
Entering the car park, which is, admittedly, not big, Mrs0475 proceeds to gently drive into the fence.
So, my beloved, why did you ignore the increasingly high pitched beeping from the front parking sensors and hit the 8ft concrete post right in front of you, thus putting a scratch on the bumper of our 4 month old, expensive automobile?
Apparently it's all my fault, she was distracted... by what I don't know - apparently thinking about 'stuff' going on, trying to get out of the way of the other car in the car park, and I shouldn't be making her drive a GBFO car..
Thus a bit of radio silence the rest of the way home.
 
My beloved came up with a somewhat crap excuse yesterday, but first a bit of background.
Your correspondent was diagnosed with epilepsy last year (save the sympathy!) which means I have to stop driving until I am 12 months seizure free.
So we decided to downsize the JT fleet to one car, and as neither of our 4 wheeled steeds were particularly practical to have as a sole vehicle, upgrade to an SUV - our choice being a Merc GLC.
So, fast forward to yesterday - Mrs0475 kindly picks me up from work, and we have to go to the GP as daughter (also works with me) needed to pick up a prescription.
Entering the car park, which is, admittedly, not big, Mrs0475 proceeds to gently drive into the fence.
So, my beloved, why did you ignore the increasingly high pitched beeping from the front parking sensors and hit the 8ft concrete post right in front of you, thus putting a scratch on the bumper of our 4 month old, expensive automobile?
Apparently it's all my fault, she was distracted... by what I don't know - apparently thinking about 'stuff' going on, trying to get out of the way of the other car in the car park, and I shouldn't be making her drive a GBFO car..
Thus a bit of radio silence the rest of the way home.
Just enjoy (quietly) the "Radio Silence".
. . . AND . . . F.F.S. . . . don't let-on that WE appreciate the associated "break-from-contact" . . . and . . . the opportunity for R&R that it provides!! ;) .
 
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So yesterday morning I finds the OH stood in the kitchen looking at the wall tiles behind the cooker with that look on her face which means nothing but problems. She announces that she no longer likes the tiles and wants to change them out for something else.

Not a problem I tells her, when I put the tiles up I used tile glue and that I have a tool to quickly and cleanly remove said tiles. However I told her that I would do it later as I was going to be out most of the day helping one of our kids install a heater in his garage.

Nope she just couldn't be told, she just couldn't wait for me to get home. Don't get me wrong now, she did get the tiles off and she got them all off in one go. Rather than wait she decided to attack said tile with a hammer and a fecking screwdriver ffs.

End result is there is now a fecking great hole in the wall were the tiles were stuck on and I can now see the insulation and the bricks beyond that. Now I'm going to have to cut out around the hole and replace that piece of plasterboard.

Then she has the neck to tell me it wouldn't have happened if I done the work that morning, my response to that statement has resulted in radio silence which can last as long as it likes, any static I can tune out quite easily.

While not condoning it I can totally understand why some men just lose it and end up building new patios
 
Some f'kin husband you are!
She had one of those ‘life assurance/25 year pay-out if not claimed’ deals with her insurance company, but decided it was too expensive. When she cancelled it, expecting thirty six months cash back, she was, to say the least, annoyed that she was only offered about $1500. So she had a stoosh with them over the phone, and cancelled her medical cover as well.
The next day she suspected that it may have been an overreaction, so didn’t tell me.
Two months later I find out.
She has spent the last few days gently reminding me that her gym membership needs renewing. I’ve spent the last few days ignoring her subtle hints.

I’ve still not had a satisfactory answer to the question, “Where’s the $1500?”




When should I tell her that the insurance company have sent her a cheque for the money? My plan is to either wait until just before my birthday in July, or when she finally admits the whole truth about the insurance thing... I’m guessing that’ll be July then.
 
Not bone yet, possibly. But Mrs.Miner has applied to be in the audience for Sky News, for a discussion on Feminism due to the 100 years of having the vote, and it looks like she will be on it.
They phoned her yesterday to confirm she was available for the filming, they'd pay her expenses to London, and offered to put her up for the night. To be fair, my wife thinks feminism today doesn't mean what it used to. She agrees in equal rights, but does think that male rights are suffering for what feminists now want. She also agreed with me that it was wrong that Sky were only asking for females to be in the audience for this discussion.

No I won't be posting to tell you which one she was, if she goes on.
 
They've done that for many a year. Lots of cruise lines are now all inclusive so smuggling cheap booze would be a bit silly. Norwegian Cruise Lines have gone all inclusive and I've seen two shows by Cirque d' Soleil on board (the real thing which DisneyWorld charges a $200 entry fee for).
Went on an all inclusive round the Med in October. €500 for a week from Alicante, Malaga, Rome, Florence and Barcelona (last one was cancelled due to the shenanigans on the referendum so went to Valencia instead). Food was great (except the sausages at breakfast) and no skimping on the drinks. Mainly branded spirits like Smirnoff and Grants (not the high end stuff) and Cruz Campo beer on draft.
Cruise lines differ greatly. From the chav central Thomson cruises to the up-your-arrse P&O and all things in between. Trailer trash Carnival to "Of the Seas" liners with golf nets, 18 hole mini-golf, climbing walls and even indoor ice-skating rinks. The good ones never feel crowded. P&O with the plethora of Brits in C&A DJs for 4 nights out of their cruise always feels crowded and full of pretentious bores (well, the only one I've been on and never again).
Also avoid the ship excursions as they will be double the price of one onshore. Caribbean islands will have taxis available from 60 to 100 dollars for the day and will take you all over. St Lucia highly recommended with Barbados being the most expensive (as it is in all things).
Missus got me to go on one (yeah, it's always the woman) over 20 years ago and just a quick 4 day out to the Bahamas from Miami. Mainly full of spams using the ship as a casino but thoroughly enjoyed it.
SWMBO “forced” me to accompany her on our first cruise last month (January 2018), two weeks all inclusive in “bilge class” on the “Marella Discovery” (rebadged from Thompson/Tui but still operated by them) visiting 11 Caribbean islands we’d never been to.

A Sunday flight from Gatwick to Barbados in “cattle class” due to lack of availability in premier class later and a bus ride to the docks we arrived at the ship, a pleasant looking barge, checked in through the passport control, security (all Nepalese) and being photographed (not quite like the MOD 90 mugshots), we were issued our smart cards which let us into our cabin (like staying in a caravan but with no windows) and had to be used for purchases and all activities including the bar plus they needed scanning on leaving and re-boarding after excursions.

By Tuesday SWMBO was feeling rough and she was persuaded to visit the sick bay, she’d got pneumonia and was drip fed electrolytes and antibiotics for 3 days followed by a further 5 days on strong antibiotics meanwhile I got a chest & throat infection and was on 7 days of antibiotics, there were about 15-20 passengers with similar symptoms, on chatting with them I found that the vast majority were on the same Gatwick flight and none were in premier (a lesson for SWMBO’s future holiday ambitions).

We “lost” a week of our holiday through illness but enjoyed the bit where we weren’t suffering.

The first week was full of stuck up snobs full of their own self-importance and looking down on anyone who didn’t measure up to their “standards” or dress up for dinner (no formal requirements so I left my suit at home) in the buffet, the second week was 50/50 chavs and ordinary working class.

As a budget introduction to cruises it was ideal, I haven’t been put off cruises (I really liked the convenience with the luggage – drop off at book in, delivered to the cabin and collected from the cabin and picked up at the airport luggage carousel on the way back) and the crew did (almost) everything to ensure a pleasant holiday.

SWMBO is already looking at future cruises.
 
Airlines don't appear to be cleaning their air filters as well as they should. I've picked up infections a few times on flights, once Air France and a number of times on Ethiopian. Quickest was Ethiopian where on check in and walking down the airbridge to the aircraft I was right as rain. By the time I'd sat down and done up my seat belt the sinuses were full of snot and the eyes were watering like I'd been gassed.
 
Not really.

Actually, many, many moons ago, I did a "cruise" on the Med with a schoolboy/girl sponsored system, on the ex-troopship, HMT SS Nevasa.



The ship was run by embittered ex-Grey Job chiefs, and lifeboat stations were rigidly enforced.

I remember off Malta (Gozo?) the ship stopped, all passengers did a full lifeboat drill, then launched the fücking lifeboats.

The ship's officers then arranged lifeboat races. The lifeboats were powered by an auxiliary engine, but mainly by push-pull rods, operated by the inmates.

Oh what fun we had.

I still think the orifices were well past their usual 5 pink gin limit.

I still have nightmares about the waves of puke in the companionways in the Bay of Biscay.

Seemingly the Nevasa was fitted for but not with stabilisers, as it would cause deterioration in the moral fibre of the passengers inmates if they didn't have to puke.
IIRC this vessel became the Hospital Ship Uganda.
 
SWMBO “forced” me to accompany her on our first cruise last month (January 2018), two weeks all inclusive in “bilge class” on the “Marella Discovery” (rebadged from Thompson/Tui but still operated by them) visiting 11 Caribbean islands we’d never been to.

A Sunday flight from Gatwick to Barbados in “cattle class” due to lack of availability in premier class later and a bus ride to the docks we arrived at the ship, a pleasant looking barge, checked in through the passport control, security (all Nepalese) and being photographed (not quite like the MOD 90 mugshots), we were issued our smart cards which let us into our cabin (like staying in a caravan but with no windows) and had to be used for purchases and all activities including the bar plus they needed scanning on leaving and re-boarding after excursions.

By Tuesday SWMBO was feeling rough and she was persuaded to visit the sick bay, she’d got pneumonia and was drip fed electrolytes and antibiotics for 3 days followed by a further 5 days on strong antibiotics meanwhile I got a chest & throat infection and was on 7 days of antibiotics, there were about 15-20 passengers with similar symptoms, on chatting with them I found that the vast majority were on the same Gatwick flight and none were in premier (a lesson for SWMBO’s future holiday ambitions).

We “lost” a week of our holiday through illness but enjoyed the bit where we weren’t suffering.

The first week was full of stuck up snobs full of their own self-importance and looking down on anyone who didn’t measure up to their “standards” or dress up for dinner (no formal requirements so I left my suit at home) in the buffet, the second week was 50/50 chavs and ordinary working class.

As a budget introduction to cruises it was ideal, I haven’t been put off cruises (I really liked the convenience with the luggage – drop off at book in, delivered to the cabin and collected from the cabin and picked up at the airport luggage carousel on the way back) and the crew did (almost) everything to ensure a pleasant holiday.

SWMBO is already looking at future cruises.
Wot no norovirus...?

Just what sort of cheapskate, fly-by-night operation was this cruise exactly? Tsk!
 
Wot no norovirus...?

Just what sort of cheapskate, fly-by-night operation was this cruise exactly? Tsk!
I was extremely surprised thet there was no Norovirus outbreak, all that Imodium sitting in the case unused, what a waste.
It was a Thompson/Tui cruise now re-badged as Marella.
 
I was extremely surprised thet there was no Norovirus outbreak, all that Imodium sitting in the case unused, what a waste.
It was a Thompson/Tui cruise now re-badged as Marella.
Med' cruises seem to be the most heavily afflicted in that regard. Never drink from the tap, is all I can say, after 20 years if not before the mast then certainly in close proximity to it!
 
So yesterday morning I finds the OH stood in the kitchen looking at the wall tiles behind the cooker with that look on her face which means nothing but problems. She announces that she no longer likes the tiles and wants to change them out for something else.

Not a problem I tells her, when I put the tiles up I used tile glue and that I have a tool to quickly and cleanly remove said tiles. However I told her that I would do it later as I was going to be out most of the day helping one of our kids install a heater in his garage.

Nope she just couldn't be told, she just couldn't wait for me to get home. Don't get me wrong now, she did get the tiles off and she got them all off in one go. Rather than wait she decided to attack said tile with a hammer and a fecking screwdriver ffs.

End result is there is now a fecking great hole in the wall were the tiles were stuck on and I can now see the insulation and the bricks beyond that. Now I'm going to have to cut out around the hole and replace that piece of plasterboard.

Then she has the neck to tell me it wouldn't have happened if I done the work that morning, my response to that statement has resulted in radio silence which can last as long as it likes, any static I can tune out quite easily.

While not condoning it I can totally understand why some men just lose it and end up building new patios
So where are the grammar Nazis ? :)
 
SWMBO “forced” me to accompany her on our first cruise last month (January 2018), two weeks all inclusive in “bilge class” on the “Marella Discovery” (rebadged from Thompson/Tui but still operated by them) visiting 11 Caribbean islands we’d never been to.

A Sunday flight from Gatwick to Barbados in “cattle class” due to lack of availability in premier class later and a bus ride to the docks we arrived at the ship, a pleasant looking barge, checked in through the passport control, security (all Nepalese) and being photographed (not quite like the MOD 90 mugshots), we were issued our smart cards which let us into our cabin (like staying in a caravan but with no windows) and had to be used for purchases and all activities including the bar plus they needed scanning on leaving and re-boarding after excursions.

By Tuesday SWMBO was feeling rough and she was persuaded to visit the sick bay, she’d got pneumonia and was drip fed electrolytes and antibiotics for 3 days followed by a further 5 days on strong antibiotics meanwhile I got a chest & throat infection and was on 7 days of antibiotics, there were about 15-20 passengers with similar symptoms, on chatting with them I found that the vast majority were on the same Gatwick flight and none were in premier (a lesson for SWMBO’s future holiday ambitions).

We “lost” a week of our holiday through illness but enjoyed the bit where we weren’t suffering.

The first week was full of stuck up snobs full of their own self-importance and looking down on anyone who didn’t measure up to their “standards” or dress up for dinner (no formal requirements so I left my suit at home) in the buffet, the second week was 50/50 chavs and ordinary working class.

As a budget introduction to cruises it was ideal, I haven’t been put off cruises (I really liked the convenience with the luggage – drop off at book in, delivered to the cabin and collected from the cabin and picked up at the airport luggage carousel on the way back) and the crew did (almost) everything to ensure a pleasant holiday.

SWMBO is already looking at future cruises.
Let me get this right, you both go on a holiday and become ill. You are now going to do it again. I have news for you its not only your wife that is bone.
 

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