How about this for a gate guardian?

#1
Some may doubt the practical value of the typical item offered for sale at famed online megajumblemall eBay. This viewpoint will be either reinforced or shattered to rubble by the news that a full size, potentially serviceable piece of Roman siege artillery has now appeared for auction.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/10/01/roman_siege_artillery_ebay/

msr
 

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