How a crock of shit becomes army policy!

Discussion in 'Old & Bold' started by rmgbem, Jun 1, 2012.

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  1. I recall a witty ditty/poem in the 80's concerning "A Crock of Shit becoming Army Policy".

    Started off with an idea that the Seniors said stunk of shit but the shit had become powerful manure by the time the idea reached General level.

    Does anybody have it and the ability to reproduce here please?
  2. In the beginning was the plan.
    And then came the assumptions.
    And the assumptions were without form.
    And the plan was without substance.
    And darkness was upon the face of the workers.
    And they spoke among themselves saying,
    "It is a crock of shit and it stinketh."
    And the workers went unto their supervisors and said,
    "It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."
    And the supervisor went unto their managers and said,
    "It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."
    And the managers went unto their directors, saying,
    "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."
    And the directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another,
    "It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong."
    And the directors went unto the vice presidents, saying unto them,
    "It promotes growth and is very powerful."
    And the vice presidents went unto the president, saying unto him,
    "The new plan will promote the growth and vigor of the company, with powerful effects."
    And the president looked upon the plan and saw that it was good.
    And the plan became policy.
    This is how shit happens.
    • Like Like x 8
  3. Beat me to it, I've got it pinned up at work
  4. EXACTLY how we plan here! :(
  5. Very many thanks Steven.

    I think this philosophy is widely used in Westminster and Brussels too!
  6. Similarly, it brings to mind a Gunner CO's thoughts on RAOC and REME:

    "They're like manure, a little bit here and there works wonders, but put a lot together and it's just a pile of shite."

    Still agree with him....
  7. There was another one I liked (there are more answers, but this is what I remember right now):

    How many beans make five? A simple question, but it depends on who you ask.

    An Infantry Officer will do a recce, observe the beans, do an estimate, consult his TAM and eventually say, “five”. Slow, but accurate.

    A Gunners Officer will say, “between four and six,” which is how he fires his guns and is neither Hic nor Ubique.

    A Royal Signals Officer will say, “that depends on the ionosphere and transmission losses, we’ll do some path profile analysis and get back to you.”

    An Intelligence Officer will not understand the question.

    A Loggie Officer will count them and say, “five blankets”.

    A REME Officer will say, “Four point nine-eight” which is close enough for engineering purposes.

    A Cavalry Officer will immediately say, “SIX!” Flamboyant, decisive but wrong.
    • Like Like x 2
  8. Ah CaptainPlume, I long ago learned the following mantra, to be said very fast, and while the recipient is doing the maths you can, think of a better answer, change the subject, or run;

    Q. How many beans make five?
    A. A bean a bean a half bean a half bean a bean a bean.
  9. Isn't that "two beans, a half a bean, a bean and a bean and a half"?? :)
  10. after decimalisation one whole has been is equal to five beans