I once found a working lock on the door and a large supply of toilet paper. There was no shit in or on the porcelain, or the walls for that matter, and the floor was dry.
To this day nobody has believed me.
On another occasion the missus was working the last train from Waterloo one night and it had one of the disabled toilets with the massive, curved automated doors that open if not locked properly from the inside.
To hers, and the other passengers delight it opened to reveal a young amorous couple, the male member of said couple going like a Trojan up her rear loader.
"I knew he was bumming her because she said so quite loudly, several times. To be honest the narration was completely unnecessary, it was quite obvious to anyone watching."
To their credit they didn't miss a stroke despite the big reveal.
We were in Sedan , small town just outside Paris, a couple or three of years ago
Shopping Carrafour, in a pretty third world part of the town I got caught a bit short,quick trip to the bog no light, no paper nip out to customer service "Got any toilet paper "? in English
"Sorry Sir" , but she had some kitchen roll" will this do ?" also in English
Back into the non gender specific toilet... just manage to get there and empty (French coffee does strange things to my digestive system)... by now I have become adjusted to the lack of daylight, and my reactolites are now clear
Holy Mother of God !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
not only no toilet paper, no paper towels either ,that was the least of their problems the regulation no seat on the toilet , so cold porcelain , shit all over the floor, looked back at what I'd been sat on , shit all around the top, because there had been no paper the local (non indigenous) people had just used their hands , wiped the walls or wherever they could and gone over to the sink unit and tried to wash it off, so the taps were crusted in shite, as was the sink
it makes me shiver just thinking about it even now, and it takes a lot to make me shiver
I extricate myself from the hell hole , straight back to customer service
"THOSE TOILETS ARE IN A DISGUSTING CONDITION AND NEED CLEANED NOW!!!!!" I ranted
"pardonnez-moi monsieur je ne comprends pas"
"Yes you do ! You spoke to me in perfect English 3 minutes ago" having cooled down a bit
Again in English now she says " We have the toilets cleaned by a contractor every morning you know1"
they wee selling fresh fruit and veg, dread to even think about people , having used that toilet then handling it
Needles to say we bought nothing there , went across the road to Lidl and shopped there
stupid thing ... I had the camper outside with a perfectly adequate toilet compartment .
(edited to add, still waiting for a reply from Carrafour, only three years ago, so I think they aren't too bothered)
Slightly off topic, but I’ve just been for a dump and one of the turds boasted it knew my national insurance number and body mass index.
Shit just got personal.
[Look, I’m really sorry. I’ve upped my writers’ encouragement beatings this week, but even so that’s the best they’ve come up with. Mtobo does his best, but Abdul’s never getting his passport back at this rate.]