Horrible pigs!!!

#1
The lads in my office, are being horrible to me!

They glued my cup to my desk
They left a msg on my desk saying Andy rang and left the number when i rang it was the badge!
They put pins in my seat!

All very low key, but its going to get worse I can tell.

Now they have very little idea of how radio rental I can be on one of them is deffo going to find out but I thought you, the good people of ARRSE could give me some, not to mental idea's for revenge, bear in mind that these are my mates, so most of MDN's idea's will be ruled out.

regards

Veg
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#2
Clingfilm on the toilet in the ladies?

Salt in tea, or j!sm?

I'm lost for anything original.
 
#4
porn glued to the insides of office drawers
 
#5
hallveg said:
The lads in my office, are being horrible to me!

They glued my cup to my desk
They left a msg on my desk saying Andy rang and left the number when i rang it was the badge!
They put pins in my seat!

All very low key, but its going to get worse I can tell.

Now they have very little idea of how radio rental I can be on one of them is deffo going to find out but I thought you, the good people of ARRSE could give me some, not to mental idea's for revenge, bear in mind that these are my mates, so most of MDN's idea's will be ruled out.

regards

Veg
Well.....if you weren't such a fanny, then they'd leave you alone. Pick on, or be picked on.
 
#7
Collect all the hole punch leftovers (anyone know the real name for them?) over a period of a month or so, get hold of a set of car keys for the worst offender, patiently fill every vent in car with hole punch things, ignition off and turn the fan to full blast.

He'll be finding them for months.
 
#8
smudge67 said:
hallveg said:
The lads in my office, are being horrible to me!

They glued my cup to my desk
They left a msg on my desk saying Andy rang and left the number when i rang it was the badge!
They put pins in my seat!

All very low key, but its going to get worse I can tell.

Now they have very little idea of how radio rental I can be on one of them is deffo going to find out but I thought you, the good people of ARRSE could give me some, not to mental idea's for revenge, bear in mind that these are my mates, so most of MDN's idea's will be ruled out.

regards

Veg
Well.....if you weren't such a fanny, then they'd leave you alone. Pick on, or be picked on.
Cock!
 
#10
gentlesoul said:
Collect all the hole punch leftovers (anyone know the real name for them?) over a period of a month or so, get hold of a set of car keys for the worst offender, patiently fill every vent in car with hole punch things, ignition off and turn the fan to full blast.

He'll be finding them for months.
Or, fill the car with polystyrene chips if you've got access to bags full of the stuff. After you've put superglue around the steering wheel. :twisted:
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#11
ABrighter2006 said:
gentlesoul said:
Collect all the hole punch leftovers (anyone know the real name for them?) over a period of a month or so, get hold of a set of car keys for the worst offender, patiently fill every vent in car with hole punch things, ignition off and turn the fan to full blast.

He'll be finding them for months.
Or, fill the car with polystyrene chips if you've got access to bags full of the stuff. After you've put superglue around the steering wheel. :twisted:
Brilliant! For relatively little cost, you can buy a metre square bag of the stuff and fill the car up to the brim, or various desks.
 
#12
Collect all the hole punch leftovers (anyone know the real name for them?) over a period of a month or so, get hold of a set of car keys for the worst offender, patiently fill every vent in car with hole punch things, ignition off and turn the fan to full blast.

He'll be finding them for months.


I believe the little tinkers are called 'chads'.

HTHs you sleep now.
 
#13
Collect all the hole punch leftovers (anyone know the real name for them?) over a period of a month or so, get hold of a set of car keys for the worst offender, patiently fill every vent in car with hole punch things, ignition off and turn the fan to full blast.

He'll be finding them for months.


I believe the little tinkers are called 'chads'.

HTHs you sleep now.
 
#14
Builders foam in exhaust pipes, or the old "as favoured by Eddie Murphy "banana in the tailpipe" - queue post from MDN, and picture from Knocker!

Book a stripper - be topical!
 

terroratthepicnic

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#18
Next time you make them a brew, crack a raw egg into each cup. The egg sits at the bottom, uncooked (brew not being hot enough to cook it). Then like everyone else they will gulp down the last bit of their brew, thus drinking a raw egg.

This causes you to piss ya pants and them most lickly to vomit. everyones a winner.
 
#19
Bat_Crab said:
Man-eating badgers in their underwear?
How on earth is he going to get a man in their underwear? Eating badgers? Eating anything would be singularly unpleasant in somebody's shreddies.

No I like the idea of identifying the ringleader but once he has been identified, don't mess about, steal his ring...simple but effective. Or alternatively apply the little grey cells.

Loudly make an appointment to see the chaplain, mention you are very depressed regularly, mumble it isn't just about work, sit musing over pictures of gas-ovens, ropes, cars in garages...see if any of them start to twitch.

Then send around a forged official loose minute on "Suicides in the Armed Forces and Bullying". ensure it contains a phrase which recognises that many instances of bullying leading to suicide began as a thoughtless but malice-free practical joke. Include the example of Sapper X or Tpr G who was driven to top themselves after being repeatedly left "call-back" notes for the Badge, the CO, the COs wife et cetera...

Finally look pointedly at the light fitting and ask nonchalantly how much weight the guys think it could take...when they ask why, act distracted and say "Nothing...just interested." Then book a day's leave, tell none of them where you are going. Turn off your mobile and pop out for the longest time, ensuring you are seen putting a hoover hose into the car boot.

Then you'll find out who is the funniest practical joker. Or how quickly you may be discharged on mental grounds despite your protest it was all a joke...
 
#20
Cross cut shredding is always a winner in drawers, coat pockets/glove compartments.

Couple of extra strong condoms taped over a car exhaust will cause some hilarity.

superglue the phone handset down, or just glue the little buttony thing so it can't be answered when the handset is lifted.

take a musical brithday card, remove the annoying muscial bit, set it so its constantly playing and wrap in tape so it can only just be heard. (wrap with the sticky on the outside then attache to underside of desk/ desk drawer, waste bin etc. usually the battery will go before its found.
 
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