Honourable employment required

#1
Evening chaps!

Alas & egad! Today has been the most awful day in the life of Dash! The economic situation has finally taken effect & my supposed promotion backfired with great effect… I ended up losing my job. :omg:

Now I’ve lost everything! I’m going to lose my flat, (moving I’m afraid is irresistible) my social life & I shall even have to face the dread of moving back in with dearest Mater, which means I also lose my liberty. :x

Of course the only answer to this is to rush out & get another job asap! Unfortunately this proves easier said than done, I perceive it will be quite difficult in our current economic climate.

I have 3 things to help me in my gallant cause:

1.) A train ticket to anywhere in London lasting until Sunday

2.) A paid work phone which I conveniently neglected to hand back in, but I suppose they shall realise it’s MIA at some point

3.) The rent for my flat lasts until the end of the month


Unfortunately my balance is not as robust as I had hoped, partly because this entire episode has come completely out of the blue, so I’m also going to have to ration myself. I also foolishly squandered my income on two fabulous Savile Row suits & a laptop, in the false & myopically naive belief that I would be due a payrise. :x

Sirs, my situation is quite cruel & I know not what to do! I have never liked work & would much prefer a job where I get the maximum benefit for minimum input, although I don’t think I’m quite qualified for politics yet. I’ve spent the last 6 hours firing off my CV to recruitment agencies & tomorrow I plan to make good use of my ticket. I’ve tried searching Google for agencies in the city but I’m afraid it’s not so helpful on their location, so if anyone knows of any good ones I would be most exceedingly obliged.


I have the honour to remain your most troubled yet obedient servant, &tc.

~D.C.
 
#3
DC it may help if you let people know the type of work you would be looking for, this would allow them to point you in the direction of the correct type of agency, etc
 
#5
As usual I’m touched by your endearing kindness Mr Jarrod but I’m afraid I tend to shy away from manual labour as it ruins my manicure & I end up with frightful blisters. 8O

Mr Daz that is rather a good idea, my preference would be management of some sort, albeit with an emphasis on project work & maybe even construction. My last station involved my sitting around & drinking copious amounts of tea whilst everyone else took care of things, I find I was well qualified & quite suited to it.

A curious proposition Mr Tiger, do they do any work in Val d'Isere?

I remain, &tc.

~D.C.
 
#6
I want to kill you with my bare hands just for talking like a knob
 
#8
It's interesting you should say that sir as it was the location of my last place of employment.

&tc.
 
#10
FatBoyGeorge said:
I don't suppose you weren't once a potential cavalry officer per chance? I'd sack your arse if you worked for me too.

Although I do feel your plight old boy and came up with this after a bit of digging around. I sincerely hope it helps you out.
Jesus f*cking christ my keyboard is covered with tea!
 
#11
sell your arrse on the street, someone is bound to kick your back door in for a few quid
 
#13
I thank you for your kind note sir, & shall bear it in mind, I have an old uniform that I’ve no use for, but I daresay such carnal actions were rarely considered for Her Majesty’s glorious service.

I think my biggest ailment now is that I no longer know what to do, I have no desire to be restricted to a desk, yet I also want to be satisfied with wealth. I would have dearly loved to be a pilot, but it is unrealistic & I do not possess the fortune required for training...

I doubt there are any jobs that are gratifying in the city!

&tc,

~D.C.
 
#14
If qualifications and work ethic are on the thin side, then it's either the civil service or a PCSO's job for you.

HMRC specialise in gobledegook that resembles a Microsoft end user's licence and nobody understands, although I rather gather that the form of dress is more turban than Saville Row nowadays.

PCSOs apparently do bugger all and get paid loads for doing it, sounds ideal and you would probably get first dibs on "essential worker housing".

Alternatively, perhaps become a tour guide and spend all day confusing johnny foreigners?
 
#15
Get out of the "City" would be my advice, you have to go to work..work dont go to you
Flog the laptop, say hello to your mum then get your arse in gear and go searching me old son, If need must..move town!
 
#16
DC you really are a Penile Wart. Have just looked at your profile and previous posts. When an Organisation needs to batten down the hatches, they offload cargo & baggage. Not sure if your post is a WAH or you have been on the sauce. Judging by your previous posts and inverted snobbery your pretty insecure & your character traits online have perhaps been outed by your employer. Your vulgarity coupled with quite a 'dashing' eccentric command of the English Langauge are incongruous with your online persona. Are your Meds failing or do you need help. I guess you are quite insecure. I am glad you don't work for me. Enjoy being unemployed, it may make you humble and turn you round. Humility can be character building.
 
#18
After careful consideration I decided that most work is dull, I would rather be on a beach or in a bar trying to convert a young philly to unnatural acts than be working…
Ergo I concluded that the answer was to try & become stinking rich, as my sire had often informed me. [He had the contrary.] That way I could retire early & afford to enjoy life’s pleasures.

I’m afraid the PCSO’s uniform would severely clash with my sense of propriety, to be seen in polite society acting as one of those would be quite scandalous! Their pay of £25k? Is also somewhat limited & I don’t think there’d be much chance of advancement, not to mention having to humour the local oiks.

I did consider HMRC, it’s an honourable service as with most jobs that support the country, but I’m afraid the pay in such careers is not enough to tempt me, a tour guide or museum work would no doubt be agreeable & interesting, but as aforesaid when it comes to work I’m a mercenary & mostly in it for the money. The key I believe, is finding a job that pays well & is also enjoyable.

Mr Killaloe I beg your pardon sir, I regret that you should confide such a slight to my character. I actually come from a rather humble background, believe it or not I’ve also worked in some rather humiliating circumstances, judge not least ye be judged & all that! As for your other references, I must confess that virtue is not one of my ideals, but then no well mannered gentleman ever got far.

I remain your most faithful friend, &tc

~D.C.
 
#19
FatBoyGeorge said:
I cannot be held responsible for any spillage of hot beverages, and I like my shed so leave it the fuck alone Tankie. I've heard about you.
I never touched athlete_foots shed! honest! I have a healthy respect for them! And what, Pray tell, have you heard about me?
 
#20
DC you are a basket weaver. Perhaps you would be better suited going back to your roots & the family home. I see a great career for you in a fast food outlet as a junior burger flipper. You have hidden online and mixed your capability with ambition. Thank goodness you are not dashing and are not an Officer. You may be Uber Walt of Class of '08 on Arrse. Whats your IP address ?
 

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