So we got married and then we went back to the house and drunkenly raked through our wedding presents. People were really generous, couldn't be more grateful. We have 40,000 new wine glasses and 20,000 new photo frames. We also got about £600 in cash, which was wonderful. I suggested we re-new our vows every year just to make sure people keep giving us stuff. Somehow we also picked up about £250 in Debenhams vouchers and the wise new wife put them in a drawer: "that's Christmas presents sorted then". But anyway, honeymoon came on the Monday. We spent the weekend lounging around our own house, treating ourselves to massive piles of chinese food and alcohol and then left on the train to Inverness on Monday morning for a week. We didn't have a lot of dough at the time of booking so we wanted something in the country and out of the way and we always liked it up there. Nice and cheap but we had plenty of spending money to make it interesting. 1 bedroom appartment above a computer shop in the old town, decked out like a holiday cottage with a posh breakfast bar etc. Was brilliant. Missus was particularly fond of the heated bathroom floor, which we spent hours shagging on as it was more comfy than the bed. During the day we went to museums or went on tours and stuff and at night we went to Hootenany's or Johnny Fox's and got pished out of our minds on whiskey (because her dad had suggested single malts to try) and beer. Then home, shag, sleep, wake up and repeat. Don't tell the other half but the best part of it for me was going to Culloden battlefield and seeing the visitor centre. We also signed up to the National Trust thing (£5 a month for two of us). Culloden was brilliant, always wanted to go there. Never really understood the history behind the Jacobite uprising and the battle but the tour was immense, as was the actual visitor centre. So all was good. Days out, drunken nights, shagging and eating like the fat fuckers that we are. Now I'm home and back at work and everything feels like it did before we actually got married. Where did you cunts go for your honeymoon?