Honeymoon Shite - the saga concludes

So we got married and then we went back to the house and drunkenly raked through our wedding presents. People were really generous, couldn't be more grateful. We have 40,000 new wine glasses and 20,000 new photo frames. We also got about £600 in cash, which was wonderful. I suggested we re-new our vows every year just to make sure people keep giving us stuff. Somehow we also picked up about £250 in Debenhams vouchers and the wise new wife put them in a drawer: "that's Christmas presents sorted then".

But anyway, honeymoon came on the Monday. We spent the weekend lounging around our own house, treating ourselves to massive piles of chinese food and alcohol and then left on the train to Inverness on Monday morning for a week. We didn't have a lot of dough at the time of booking so we wanted something in the country and out of the way and we always liked it up there. Nice and cheap but we had plenty of spending money to make it interesting.

1 bedroom appartment above a computer shop in the old town, decked out like a holiday cottage with a posh breakfast bar etc. Was brilliant. Missus was particularly fond of the heated bathroom floor, which we spent hours shagging on as it was more comfy than the bed. During the day we went to museums or went on tours and stuff and at night we went to Hootenany's or Johnny Fox's and got pished out of our minds on whiskey (because her dad had suggested single malts to try) and beer. Then home, shag, sleep, wake up and repeat.

Don't tell the other half but the best part of it for me was going to Culloden battlefield and seeing the visitor centre. We also signed up to the National Trust thing (£5 a month for two of us). Culloden was brilliant, always wanted to go there. Never really understood the history behind the Jacobite uprising and the battle but the tour was immense, as was the actual visitor centre.

So all was good. Days out, drunken nights, shagging and eating like the fat fuckers that we are. Now I'm home and back at work and everything feels like it did before we actually got married.

Where did you cunts go for your honeymoon?
Lake District for my last one. The weather was so bad we went to visit Sellafield for a trip out under cover.

Memorable because that was the last time I got a blowjob off her ...

Still, someone else is finding out what disappointment is now.

I'm not bitter at all.
Where did you cunts go for your honeymoon?
3 weeks in South Africa, Botswana, Rhodesia (oops! Zimbabwe) and Mozambique.

Bit of a giggle really - a 26 hour train ride and another of 22, steam trains, Kruger, Lions, Babboons on the motorway, Mrs NobbyD running over 2 snakes and narrowly missing a tortoise, a Land Rover with a tent on the roof, Elephants - all sorts of fun shit.
So no photos then of the new wife then?
Showing her tits would be good & bonus points for clunge shots!
If no photos then you have had a civil partnership to a bloke called Trevor & have a sore arse!
Jarrod will be so happy for you both if this is the case!
First time round France, I got food poisoning - I should have realised then...

Second time, well, a lot better!
Had a fortnight driving around Catalonia with the aid of a Rough Guide., most of it magic.

20 years on, still mostly magic, except for when I get too pissed and crash head first into a wardrobe...... she doesn't enjoy that too much.


Book Reviewer
then left on the train to Inverness on Monday morning...

During the day we went to museums
Did you so? Would you care to name the 'museums' you visited in Inverness. Because other than their poxy horrible concrete 'art gallery', there aint any.

I do not believe you are married. I believe you are a lying wanker. Museums in Inverness. Nice try, Kevin.


Book Reviewer
Bollocks they do

Real men spend their honeymoon 8 inches up their wife.s arse. Raver.s will agree...
Bollocks they do.

Real men spend their honeymoon at Sandals. Trying to suppress a grin when people say "So, you are on holiday with your daughter?"


Book Reviewer
Nah son, call me daddy and be a darling and bend over and reach the soap.
That's it. The engagement is off. And I really thought we had something special. I am so posting my pics of your skid marks on Facebook. Heartless cunt.

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