honest it's all true

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by skeletor, Sep 4, 2004.

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  1. Sex Fun Facts...

    LARGEST PENIS
    Naturally we begin with the topic foremost on men’s minds. The average penis size for white males is about 6.2 inches, so if you don’t quite measure up, don’t worry: penis size has relatively little to do with one’s capacity to pleasure. Remember: it ain’t the meat, it’s the motion.

    The largest erect member in medical literature would be the 14-inch organ mentioned by Dr. David Reuben in his book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (1969). Reuben didn’t divulge any source for this figure, and there was no independent verification, so you may question his accuracy. The largest medically verified penis on record is 13.5 inches long and 6.25 inches around, documented in the early twentieth century by Dr. Robert L. Dickinson. Other sources (Alfred Kinsey, Masters and Johnson, etc.) mention specimens ranging from 9.5 to 12 inches.

    Then there are the dubious claims of immense penis size by various personages operating within the sex industry (read: porn actors). These claims are almost invariably false, the result of exaggeration and hype by unscrupulous dealers hoping to hawk more products. Take the legendary Long Dong Silver, for instance. Made famous by the Clarence Thomas-Anita Hill hearings, his one enduring trait was his supposedly 18-inch penis. Totally fraudulent, as it turns out; in fact, there are videos in which he appears only normal sized.

    Incidentally, if you wish to pursue this matter on your own (anticipating a slow weekend, perhaps?) you measure along the top.

    LARGEST PENIS BY RACE
    It is generally said that the penis of the Negro is very large, so wrote German anthropologist Johann Friedrich Blumenbach in 1795. And this assertion is so far borne out by the remarkable genitory apparatus of an Ethiopian which I have in my anatomical collection. Louis Jacolliet, a 19th century French writer who spent three decades investigating penis size, had this to say: In no branch of the human race are the male organs more developed than in the African Negro. Certainly, the belief in the well-endowment of the African race has an extensive history. But is it justified by the facts?

    Going strictly by the Kinsey data, which still remains one of the most exhaustive studies on penis size to date, the average white male has a penis measuring 6.2 inches long and 3.7 inches around, whereas the average black male has a penis 6.3 by 3.8 inches, for a difference of 0.1 inches--not what you’d call statistically significant. When it came to flaccid length, however, blacks fared a little better: 4.3 inches long, versus 4.0 inches for white males. So it may be, therefore, that while those of African heritage appear larger initially, under actual working conditions things tend to even out. You should consider this a tentative hypothesis rather than a scientific fact, as there were only 59 black respondents to the survey, versus 2,500 for whites.

    SMALLEST PENIS
    There are several instances in medical literature of penises that do not exceed 1 cm when fully erect, which doctors call an (ahem) micropenis. Those unfortunate enough to be equipped with these diminutive organs can undergo reconstructive surgery to extend it to about 3 inches, which I guess is an improvement.

    SMALLEST PENIS BY RACE
    Inhabiting the low end of the penile spectrum are those of the Asian persuasion, specifically those of Chinese, Japanese, Korean, or Vietnamese descent. Hard data supporting this claim comes from The Definitive Penis Size Survey, a website maintained by Richard Edwards and dedicated to answering the imponderable mysteries surrounding mans most cherished appendage (the mysteries related to size, anyway). Among the interesting titbits we gleam from his work, now in its sixth edition, is a graph correlating different erect sizes with race. The final tally: Caucasians on average measure 6.5 inches (16.5 cm), whereas the average Asian measures--5.5 inches (14 cm).

    MOST PHALLI
    Those who have more than one penis have a condition called diphallasparatus (yes, there are medical names for everything). An extremely rare disorder (fewer than 80 cases have been reported), it has nonetheless been exhaustively investigated by the medically bent. The results of such studies can be summed by the following snappy observations:

    Those in possession of a diphallus tend to be sterile, due to either congenital defects or difficulties in application.

    Urine may be passed by both penises, by only one, or, incredibly, through some other aperture in the perineum.

    All manner of duplications have been met, ranging from organs that fissure into two to the presence of two distinct penises positioned at some distance from each other.

    Most diphallus lay side by side and are of equal size, but they can be seated atop one another, with one distinctly larger than the other.

    Finally, I should note that double the meat doesn’t necessarily mean double the fun. Most sufferers are unable to perform sexually, which must be one of the all-time bummers. Still, for those able to function it certainly lends itself to some interesting diversity of technique.

    GREATEST EXTENSION
    Dr. Jørn Ege Siana, a Danish plastic surgeon whose been in the penis lengthening biz for quite some time (he’s performed over 1,100 operations), claims to have set a world record by surgically extending a penis by a full 14.5 cm (5.7 inches). The patient was an unidentified 42-year-old originally outfitted with 1.8-inch tool. After the successful operation he issued a press release and backed up his claim with lurid before and after pictures, which you may peruse on his website. Jørn credits his achievement to new surgical techniques and later stretching the penis with the JES-Extender, a rack-like device of his own invention that looks more like something the KGB would use to extract a confession than an instrument of post-operative recovery. Siana said, admittedly this case is unique, as penis enlargement is typically in the range of five to seven centimetres (2 to 2.7 inches).

    LARGEST PHALLI COLLECTION
    No, the holder of this record is not Lorena Bobbit. In ancient times a passel of penises taken from your vanquished enemies was considered the ultimate post-battle war trophy, displayed with such grisly prominence as you would today the head of an antelope. When Egyptian troops invaded Libya in thirteenth century BC they took home a total of 13,230 penises, and a stone relief in Thebes depicts a band of victors amassing a pile of 3000 phalli before the king. Egyptians weren’t the only ones to emasculate their foes. Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon, conquered Jerusalem in the sixth century BC and cut from thousands of Jewish prisoners what the rabbis had left behind.

    LARGEST TESTES
    The ideal testicle, which we are clearly not talking about here, should measure about 4 cm long and 2 cm broad. Victims of elephantiasis, a disease caused by the obstruction of lymph vessels due to parasitic filarial worms, may find their gonads swelling to the size of a watermelon and beyond. The largest on record is an African whose scrotum weighed 154 lbs. and measured almost 2 ft. in diameter. Fortunately, an available drug called diethylcarbamazine is effective in killing the worm larvae and reducing the swelling.

    MOST TESTES
    The presence of more than two testicles--called polyorchidism by urology buffs--is rare but not unheard of. About 75 cases have been reported to date, most of which possessed three testes. On occasion, however, a mutant is born with four or even five testicles.

    LARGEST BREASTS
    Large breasts are another subject that appeals to MD’s prurient interests, so cases are bountiful in sex literature. After reviewing a number of photos (hey, it’s all for science), I’ve seen mammaries ranging from huge to unimaginably colossal. The Sexual Anatomy of Woman by W. F. Benedict tells the cases of one 14-year-old who had breasts weighing 16 lbs. and of a woman of thirty who had knockers weighing 21 pounds each. Another book, Human Oddities by Martin Monestier, thoughtfully encloses a topless photo of a woman with 44-pound breasts measuring 33 inches in circumference.

    Now it seems China wants in on the act. In 1995 their official news agency Xinhua ran the headline, Twelve-year-old Sprouts Gargantuan Breasts. Sounds like our kind of journalism. Each breast of Ting Jiafen, of Changba village, Gudong Township, Pingtang County, has grown to dimensions of 48 cm long and 30 cm high, weighing about 10 kg, it reported (meaning Ting would wear a size S bra, assuming they made them that big). Her mother, Chen Guoxia, elaborated, her breasts began to grow last February, and they were as large as fists by May, getting bigger and bigger afterwards.

    Whatever might be said about her breasts from an aesthetic standpoint, they’ve been nothing but trouble for Ting, who’s been plagued with health problems. In early 1993 she became ill and lost the ability to walk. She recovered, but then suffered blindness and now has to quit school to undergo hospital treatment.

    MOST BREASTS
    Extra breasts is called polymastia. In 1886, one Professor Neugenbauer presented to the French Academy of Medicine a woman with ten individual lactating breasts. Three months later, Dr. P. J. Stoyanoff exhibited a 23-year-old Polish woman who also had eight additional hooters, all of which secreted milk. Men sometimes develop enlarged pectorals too, an anomaly called gynecomastia. In 1894, Dr. Damon examined a male patient who possessed six extra pectoral breasts, for a total of eight.

    LARGEST VAGINA
    Most likely belonged to Scottish giantess Anna Swan (1846-1888), a remarkable woman who set a number of records relating to her bulk. Born normally sized, she began growing at a prodigious rate in childhood, finally reaching a maximum height of 7 8 at age 19. Capitalizing on her huge size, she joined a side show and toured the country, where she met and fell in love with Captain Martin Bates, another giant who measured over 7 feet tall. They wed in 1872, making them the tallest married couple in the world, a record that still stands today. The couple settled down into married life, built a mansion filled with enormous furniture, including an 11 by 7 bed where they consummated their union. On June 18, 1879, she gave birth to the largest baby in history, weighing 26 lbs. and 34 inches in length—so large, in fact, that it became tightly wedged in her capacious tract, only extricated by the use of forceps and belts. The child did not survive the rigors of birth, but a cast was made, still on display at the Cleveland Museum of Health.

    Generally the largest part of an infant is the head. We know that the tykes cranium measured about 19 inches in circumference, hence we compute the minimum dilation of Swans passage as 6 inches, or just over 15 cm. That’s pretty wide—the normal dilation for childbirth is 10 cm.

    SMALLEST VAGINA
    The smallest vaginas are almost too little to be measured, being a mere depression in the pubic area. Structurally complete vaginas, i.e. mucous linings and uterine connections are all in place, can be as small as 2 or 3 centimetres. Various measures can be taken to correct this condition, from surgical construction of a vaginal passage to the use of perineal dilators. Then again, maybe they could just hook up with guys similarly endowed.

    MOST VAGINAS
    In extremely rare cases women are born with two vaginas, though, oddly enough, the condition goes unnoticed until she reaches sexual maturity. Various degrees of doubling up can occur: two vaginal tracts but only one external orifice, two orifices that fuse into a single tract, or two complete separate openings with two uteruses and four ovaries. Corrective surgery is available, and if treated shortly after birth the prognosis for long-term recovery is excellent.

    LARGEST CLITORIS
    Odd that an organ that has been largely ignored for most of history (by male anatomists, anyway) should suddenly see a flurry of research and speculation in the last 500 years. But you know what they say about men paying attention to their wives. Heres one account by John Davenport in Aphrodisiacs and Love Stimulants (Lyle Stuart, 1966):

    A remarkable instance is given by [Sir Edward] Home. It occurred in a Negress who was purchased by General Melville, in the island of Dominica, in the West Indies, about the year 1744. She was of the Mandango nation, twenty-four years of age, her breasts were very flat, she had a rough voice and a masculine countenance. The clitoris was two inches long [5 cm], and in some instances resembled a common-sized thumb. When viewed at some distance the end appeared round and of a red colour, but upon closer examination was found to be more pointed than that of a penis, and having neither prepuce nor perforation; when handled it became erected, and was in that state fully 3 inches long and much thicker than before…The other parts of the female organs were found to be in a natural state.

    One wonders who was doing the handling here, but the passage doesn’t say. In 1824 another doctor, identified as Otto at Breslau, reported seeing an African women with a clitoris 4½ inches long and 1½ inches diameter (11.4 by 3.8 cm), said to form a complete covering of the vaginal orifice. Another doctor, Bainbridge, related the case of enlarged clitoris in a woman of thirty-two whose organ was five inches in length (13 cm) and about the diameter of a quiescent penis. In what may be the ultimate expression of medial one-uppance, an 1813 French medical encyclopaedia even goes as far as to claim existence of a monstrous twelve-inch specimen (31 cm!), said to be like the neck of a goose. This seems preposterous: come on, most guys aren’t even that hung. A more credible claim would be from the 18th century Swiss biologist Albrecht von Haller, who is said to have come across a woman with a monstrous clitoris measuring no less than seven inches long (18 cm).

    As an aside, it’s kind of interesting to read the sort of goofy speculation some male chroniclers make on large clitorises. One claim, shared by Robert L. Dickinson, he of the largest penis fame, and Alfred Kinsey, is that they were strictly utilized as [a] copulator by lesbians. Well, maybe. But don’t you think you’d have to own the equipment before you make any claims on how to operate it?

    LONGEST LABIA MINORA
    Women of several African tribes artificially enlarge their labia to remarkable lengths. Beginning as young lasses, females of the Venda and Benin tribes (located in southern and western Africa, respectively) tug constantly on their labia to elongate them. Sometimes the girls will band together and assist one another. Sort of like a kinky version of a knitting circle, I guess. The labia can hang as much as 7 inches in length, much to the delight of the menfolk, who find women with lengthened lips very desirable. In case you’re wondering how they manage with such ponderous equipment, they often push the long labia into the vaginal orifice to protect them during normal household chores.

    LARGEST BUTTOCKS
    Excessive buttock tissue, called steatopygous, or fat-arsed (as opposed to callipygous: possessing beautiful buttocks; adds that certain mellifluous touch to your locker-room conversations) is rare but not unheard of. The largest examples can be found in the Hottentot tribe of Africa, who possess moons that would make Sir Mix-A-Lot envious. In their most developed state, each buttock can be two or three feet across.

    MOST SEXES
    For some creatures, two sexes is simply too stifling. For example, crustaceans of the genus Tanais have two distinct forms. In one form the males have numerous smelling threads, in the other form males have more powerful pincers to hold the female during copulation. Thus, one type of male finds many females but cannot secure them as easily; the other type finds fewer but hangs on to them with great tenacity. As a result both male types reproduce approximately the same.

    The dating scene becomes even more complex in the protozoan world. Creatures in the genus Chlamydomonas, a type of single-celled algae, have no less than 10 sexes. Rather than regard them as male and female, most biologists simply refer to them as mating type plus and minus (mt+ and mt-), and note which plusses mate with which minuses (though they don’t have too--all chlamydomonas organisms are perfectly happy reproducing on their own). The record holder for the most number in a species is the single-celled Paramecium Amelia, which has eight different sexes. Makes sense--if bisexuality doubles ones chances of getting a mate, just think of how well octosexual critters do.

    MOST SEX ORGANS
    The ignoble tapeworm, 3,500 species of flattened, intestinal parasites that’s the scourge of vertebrates the world over, also has the most sexual organs of any living being. The adult tapeworm has a head, or scolex, equipped with tiny hooks for attachment to the intestinal lining of the host. From the scolex body segments sprout, each containing a complete set of sexual organs, both male and female. Once properly situated a typical worm grows anywhere from a millimetre to nine meters long (0.04 inches to 30 feet) and screws itself over, literally. Each segment mates with itself and grows eggs, which are washed away by the host’s digestive wastes. Under the right conditions these suckers can get pretty big: the largest ever found measured over 70 meters in length (230 ft.) and had over 11,000 segments, or over 22,000 individual sexual organs.

    LARGEST PENIS
    As any rational person would have expected, the largest organisms ever to exist on earth would also have the largest endowments. Among land animals, African bull elephants lead the pack with their 5 to 6 ft. Extremities. Whale penises, called dorks (yes, when called a dork in grade school you were actually being compared to a whale schlong), are the largest in the world, the blue whale being the champ with phalli approximately 10 ft. Long and 1 ft. in diameter. Its smaller cousins, notably the appropriately named humpback and sperm whale, have penises that measure 9 feet or so. Makes you wonder if this is what Melville had in mind when he chose the title Moby Dick (snicker).

    If you measure as a percentage of body length things are a little different. Goose barnacles, with inch-and-a-half-long appendages, rate about 150%. Unbeatable, you think, until you learn that a rare species of Alpine banana slugs (Ariolimax dolichophallus) measure 6-inches long and possess 32.5-inch tumescences, or 542% times their body length. Incredible.

    Largest Testes The largest for land animals belong to, unsurprisingly, the African bull elephant, with testes that weigh around 4.4 lbs. each and encompass a volume of 184 cubic inches—about the size of a large football.

    But the REAL hands-down winner is the northern right whale (Eubalaena glacialis), which has a pair of gonads that can weigh up to 2,200 lbs. The enormous size is an evolutionary adaptation caused by a natural phenomenon known as sperm competition. When the females of the species come into heat, she’s immediately mobbed by 30 or so love-starved males who shove one another as they try to jockey into position. When one male finishes (typically this takes 30 seconds), another takes up the slack. And another. The hope of each is to wash out a competitors sperm with unknown gallons of their own, thereby ensuring that their genes will continue.

    LONGEST SPERM
    In most animals, sperm production is much like budget reform proposals: created in great quantities with minimum effort put behind each. But not all creatures follow suit. Drosophila bifurca, a distant relative of the fruit fly, produce sperm 6 cm in length—20 times longer than their entire body length.

    LARGEST VAGINA
    Belongs to (what else?) the female blue whale, who naturally must park the 10-foot organ of the males. The vulva is basically a long groove along the underside of the female, with a normal length of 6 to 8 feet before elongating to accommodate the male. After coition it expands to some 23 feet in length to hold the baby calf.

    Judged as a percentage of body mass, the undisputed winner is the bumblebee threadworm (Sphaerularia bombi). After being impregnated, the female seeks out a queen bee as a host (hence its name). After settling in her uterus and vagina begin to expand, growing until they encompass the entire genital tract, and eventually her entire being—and keeps right on going. I quote from The Natural History of Nematodes (G. Poinar, 1983): …in Sphaerularia bombi the entire uterus is [expelled] and the expanding organ soon surpasses the length of the nematode. When the uterine cells eventually finish their growth, the reproductive system dwarfs the now moribund female… The reproductive organs may grow up to 30 times the length of the original female and 300 times the volume, for an overall increase of a whopping 30,000%.

    MOST NIPPLES
    Out of the 18,000 species of mammals, the tenrac (Centetes ecaudatus), a hedgehog-like insectivore indigenous to Madagascar, has the largest number with 22 to 24 nipples.


    EARLIEST SEXUAL REPRODUCTION
    Before the onset of sex, the earliest inhabitants of the primordial soup reproduced by fission, meaning they split off clones of themselves by dividing into two daughter cells. While this was great when conditions were favourable, the lack of genetic diversity left the species vulnerable if the climate took a turn for the worse. Sexual reproduction is believed to have originated around one billion years ago, when micro-organisms began to fuse with one another to share genetic information. Naturally the smaller, stationary, and starving cells sought after the larger, motile ones rich in nutrients to get the best possible offspring and to last through the lean times; in other words, they were gigolos. The arrival of sexual reproduction enabled a greater variety of organisms to evolve, permitting the development of more complex creatures. Thus, the entire animal kingdom owes its existence to the selfish motivations of a few randy protozoa.

    LONGEST COITUS
    Snakes, surprisingly, are the champs in the animal kingdom when it comes to pure sex endurance; no doubt due to the fact the male has a spiked penis, making it difficult for him to escape readily. Typically they remain in union from six to twelve hours. The record is held by a pair of rattlesnakes who remained in copulatory connection for no less than 22.75 hours.

    SHORTEST COITUS
    Mosquitoes, which mate on the wing, perform a sex act that lasts only 2 seconds.

    MOST COPULATIONS
    Whether you think of them as cuddly pets or plague carriers, rodents reign supreme when it comes to repeated mating. I quote from Copulatory Behaviour of Small Mammals (Journal of Comparative Psychology, v. 39): In the golden hamster Mesocricetus Auratus... copulations may continue for half an hour or more; young males may copulate only a few times, while older ones may attempt copulation as many as 175 times; for adult males, between 65 and 75 copulations per mating may be considered as average. That alone isn’t all that impressive: A type of gerbil called Shaws jird (Meriones shawi shawi) has been observed to copulate 224 times in the space of 2 hours.

    LONGEST GESTATION
    The Alpine black salamander (Hynobius nigrescens) has an interesting property: the higher the elevation it inhabits, the longer its gestation period becomes. At 4600 ft. or higher the gestation period can last a whopping 38 months.

    LONGEST DAISY CHAIN
    The holder of this dubious record is the American slipper snail (Crepidula fornicata—the scientific name alone should clue you in on their kinky predilections). All slipper snails begin life 100% male. The chain begins when a young snail reaches sexual maturity, becomes stricken with ennui, and attaches itself permanently to some fixed object. At the same time it undergoes a complete identity crises and becomes female. Shortly afterward, another male snail comes along, then mounts and copulates with the first one. It, too, abandons the motile life and remains in permanent copulatory union with the first one for the remainder of their lives. A third snail then comes along and mounts this second snail, which in turn becomes female. This procedure continues until there are up to fourteen individuals in the perpendicular chain.

    -- Author/Source Unknown

    :lol:
     
  2. 8O 8O 8O 8O ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz :lol:
     
  3. Load of c0ck :D
     
  4. Thanks for the new chat-up line

    "May I share some genetic information with you?"

    Sounds so innocuous :D
     
  5. Interesting 8O
     
  6. you love the cOcK ZzzZzZ
     
  7. Very nice, you can copy and paste...
     
  8. took you lot 8 months to come up with a reply like that?
    that was worth the effort