Homemade cheese?

Doesn't it 'grow' naturally about your man sword?

I had doubts posting this on a sensible site but thought, sod it, If I don't some other ******** will!


Book Reviewer
Unless you have a plentiful supply of ridiculously cheap unpasteurized organic milk it is cheaper to buy from a supermarché. Also you need a very clean large space and a cheese making and pressing kit (Around 125€). The only cheese I make is Cottage Cheese with the leftovers from the local dairy farm and then only in small quantities. Mind you I do take all his spare cream to make butter.
Anyone made cheddar cheese at home? Is it worth the effort?
I think that any cheese more complex than a basic curd cheese is one of those things that is very fussy about culture medium, ambient temperature, airflow, handling and storage. Not worth the trouble for home consumption purposes.
Cheese is easy to make yourself, you'll need rennet, cheesecloth, a cheese mold or three, salt and shit loads of milk. If you want to make gay pasteurised cheese then you'll need a big pan, preferably copper, and something to warm it on.
I grew up on a farm with it's own dairy, but there are enough homespun courses for tweedy tree huggers out there and it is worthwhile. If you can't find rennet locally, you can use lemon juice or vinegar and make paneer.

Top tip, don't, like so many right on hippy cheese heads, simply throw the whey away, you can drink it, animals love the stuff and if you heat it up the suspended proteins will curdle and you can skim the white solids out and put them in a small mould, that's called fleetings in English, Riccota in wapinese!


Book Reviewer
I make cheese all the time and its really easy but time consuming. There are some very instructional vids on youtube about cheesemaking. I usually make feta on a saturday with the milk bought last minute from the clearance section of a supermarket.

Mozzeralla is pretty good but try it out a few times to make sue you do it right, but once you get the knack, its simple.

Kit needed - Traditional Victorian digital thermometer, 1 m squares of cheese cloth and a huge pan. You will need rennet, Lakeland plastics do it. Also get two large plastic bowls. The you tube suff is better than any recipe.
Why play at brand names, your cheese will never be cheddar, anymore than Irish cheddar, or that vile yellow American shit is, just make your own cheese, drain the whey off in either a tightly wound cheese cloth, or pressed in a proper cheese mold, or a bit of both, when you've got your finished fresh cheese body to the state of dryness you want you can: wash it with brine (and don't be shy with the salt), wax it, contaminate it with blue, red or white fungal cultures, pour port on it, store it until it bounces with maggots and generally do what you like with it.
Cottage cheese is a synch to make - trouble is it tastes just like cottage cheese, which is shite.


Since i went from a Polo neck to a turtle neck several years ago, i am very much sans cheese.
I've a mate who is a bit of a cheese snob. He particularly likes the kinds of strange continental cheeses that walk to the table under their own steam.

Once when I arrived there for dinner, I passed his other half a bag of goodies and gave her a big wink.

Come the end of the meal, she duly brought the cheese board to the table. My mate's eyes grew wide with anticipation, only to be met with a selection of Dairylea triangles, Babybels, Tubes of Primula, Laughing Cow spread and Cheestrings.

The expession on his face was something to be savoured.
Never made my own cheese, but my first job was in a stilton factory, now long closed. I wasn't allowed near the cheese making; at 16, my job was scraping down and scrubbing the curd tanks. The things were about 30 ft long, in stainless so it was a big job. Had to get inside and scrub away with wire wool then sterilise. Best job ever, followed by plucking turkeys on the night shift at Bernard Mathews.
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