Home Defence.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by ivan_the_tolerable, Mar 21, 2011.

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  1. If civilization fell and the rule of law was replaced by a Mad Max style post apocalyptic hell and you found out that the Lords of the wasteland/barbarian horde/Border reivers [delete as appropriate] were about to descend on your neighbourhood and you had just a few hours to fortify your place, having decided that you were going to sell yourself dearly, and they could have your house keys/car keys/stash of porn when they prised them from your cold dead fingers.
    What methods of defence/home made weapons would you employ?
    Dig some shallow punji pits in the garden and use that bit of tongue and groove you were saving just in case in conjuction with some 6 inch nails to line said pits after smearing the nails in excrement?
    Break open the drinks cabinet to make some molotov cocktails?
    Or do you get the chain saw from the garage and go out in an evil dead style gore-fest?
    I,ll start the bidding with a carving knife tied to the broom handle as suggested in dads army. They don,t like it up em!
     
  2. I'd go live with Tony Martin, just be sure to Knock on the door.
     
  3. maybe clear some of the hedges to improve arcs. Board up the downstairs windows and doors. Most of my neighbours are pretty well tooled up too so we could set up some defence in depth I should think.
     
  4. Each window has it's own range card with a sector sketch tying them all together. For longer range suppressive fires, I have a variety of Long arms from a Sharps 45-120 to M1Garand, M1918A3 Ohio Ordnance Semi BAR, & Scoped National Match M1A, to up close with a Winchester 97 & Stevens M520-30 trenchguns with Malaya loads and a sharpened E-Tool.

    EDIT: oh yeah I still have My IBA Body Armor, SAPI Plates, and Helmet from Iraq, so it will take some doing compared to some poor SOB with a ruger 10/22. I also have my own Beer Brewing capability so a Siege is worthless to the Wogs
     
  5. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Just a wild guess here, but you have never spent a Friday night in Newcastle, have you?
     
  6. Probably put the kettle on, and bake a cake, have the kids nip round to Skeltons for a dozen iced fancies. Her indoors does love entertaining the Barbarian hordes.

    Now, when we say Mad Maxish Barbarian hordes, are we talking the Great Humongous, Tina Turner, or the trio mit slave from Weird Science? Obviously, not having a small refinary complete with oil well in my back yard would negate the Great Humongous, and the lack of a Thunderdome in the near vicinity might deter Tina Turner. Her indoors does not in any shape or form resemble Kelly LeBroc so I guess the out of control house party complete with ICBM is not an option, however I do enjoy wearing a bra on my head. As an aside, I do know an Australian pilot, although he does not own a gyrocopter, but he does eat dog food from the can, would this qualify for air support?

    Definately some sort of leather outfit with a gimp/hockey mask combined with NFL shoulder pads with added spikes for personal protection. A rapid firing semi-automatic glove type crossbow would also be a must for the well dressed post apocolyptic survivor. The kid next door displays a tendency to overt mongishness, this, coupled with his bad teeth and inability to communicate in a civilized manner might qualify him for some sort of sharpened boomerang.
     
  7. weed hol up in us hide, we has enouth traning to take car of eny one after the unitid natons taks over. I think we wuld be fine our shelters are deep an we have loads of stuff to defend with. Who is mad max?
     
  8. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Well, let us not jump to hasty conclusions here. Your place. Next weekend? I'll bring the ching and fizz. PM me, yah? Surname and postcode is all we need ChubbyCheeks. XXX
     
  9. I have nothing to fear I have a ginger and he'd repel most.
     


  10. Am I to assume that you will supply your own gimp mask and ball gag? Leather would be better, as I have a slight allergy to latex. I do have a limited supply of nipple clips and chrome cock rings, but be advised my violet wand is out for cleaning and refurbishment after a long weekend of Barbarian correction.
     
  11. A ginger what?
     
  12. I would put a picture of the wife on the front door that would keep the barbarian hordes at bay
     
  13. Could you put a picture on here?
     
  14. I'd send the wife out on a forage for wild nuts and berries to sustain Team Netley for the the hard times ahead. Young Netley would be detailed with bombing up and ensuring the gimpy mount is level and mechanism clear. The dogs would be trained in the use of claymore and its deployment, and the senior Netley would be contacted regarding his knowledge of KP defence.

    I will be sitting back, listening to some smooth deathcore, ensuring the 3 piece is neat, and hankie is showing from the top pocket whilst cradling an FN with a 30 round clip set to full auto and a clear arc of fire from my mouse hole made through the roof, with a distant look in my eye, and a steely jaw set to KILL...failing that I'd leg it.
     
  15. It's an 'it' not a what.