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Holy ARRSE

#1
There seems to have been an explosion of ready-made 'clerics' here on ARRSE. I was ordained yesterday by the Universal Life Church as Reverend Gunny Highway. Blessed art thou who drink Woodpecker.

My point is, as a newly passed out God botherer, I would like to offer my services for confession, either via this thread, or by PM. To that end, if you wish to confess, enter your sin(s) below, and a good reason why I should bless you and remove the stain of your sin. If I'm not on-line, the other ordained ARRSE priests will answer in my place. Those, whose sin is too big for one man to absolve, will receive a torrent of abuse.

Those wishing to confess one of the following, please see a priest via a 'real' church:

Murder
Kiddie fiddling
Homersexual acts
Blondebint
Acts of Perversion
Perverts

God be with thee und pommes mit mayo.
 
#3
Not a sin in this church, unless caught doing it to a pal, then see the above

Many sins can be forgiven, get them down here and beg for forgiveness

If you know of no sins stitch up another for brownie points from the Clergy
 
#5
Polishing your meaty mitre may not be a sin but being Flippant is.

BFG, stick a chalice of holy water up your hoop and sing lord of the dance until your eyes bleed as punishment.
 
#7
Keep in mind I am a Blessed Sister, so be nice clerical representatives of the Big Man Above...

So it's okay to w*nk, but not others of the same sex?

And is this an across the board thing?

I can see queues forming outside The Convent of the Blessed Mothers School for Girls chapel house as I type. 8O

Please give abstinence...

Me a culpa
 
#8
Wanking is against my religion if your a bloke, cos I don't want to know about it. Women, please tell us more, I can forgive females for that. R va maria, etc.
 
#11
I've consulted the boss - or ' Cliff ' as we call him up here.

W@nking is OK as long as you are not doing it to another bloke

Apparantly girl on girl action is to be Revered
 
V

vespa

Guest
#17
blessed baby cakes 1810 said:
Pope Gunny Highway III said:
How many fingers do you use, BBC? Hose-hanna in the highest.
Do I?

Holy Father,

I feel for this confession YOU should give ME the money.. :roll:

Blessed Angel....
shall i do my holy duty and muff dive you :lol:
 
#19
And the Lord saideth unto the minions, 'Thou shalt not w*nk. Thou shalt be cursed and blinded by a thousand of spotty frogs and eels, if thou sprays my house with Jiz, oh yes indeeddee' The Apostles 3:7.

Can I have a BIG AMEN!
 

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