Holidays for Heroes - My Brother is a Spy - ends 29.6.12

Discussion in 'Charity Auctions' started by Grownup_Rafbrat, Jun 22, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Grownup_Rafbrat

    Grownup_Rafbrat LE Good Egg (charities)

    This is another book auction, but rather than having been praised as a brilliant read that everyone should buy, this book generated two controversial ARRSE reviews that the author wouldn't accept. So this is an auction for 'possibly the worst book The Iron Duke has ever read'.

    So I'm asking you to bid for it, just to see how bad it is!

    A picture will follow, along with TID's review, and the auction will end at 2020 on 29th June, 2012.

    Attached Files:

  2. Grownup_Rafbrat

    Grownup_Rafbrat LE Good Egg (charities)

    And here's the review!

    My Brother’s a Spy by Alex Roysh
    In a long an interesting life I have seen some truly dreadful things and looking back, there are one or two I would blot from my mind.

    This book is one of them.

    I am at a loss to know where to start, so let’s just dive in?

    The author has written his own biography.

    He is a ‘descendant of Cossacks’ and he applied to join the KGB but got knocked back. Then he found Jesus. Even though nobody had reported him missing and there is no record of him being handed in.

    He describes himself as a ‘power hungry, secretive, non-drinking, smart young man’ who ‘wants to be in the thick of the unseen battle’. He tells us the book is ‘based on insiders knowledge and on the authors own experience and the book will appeal to adventurous guys who join the military police or commando forces’.


    It opens with our introduction to a guy called Norbert (that is his ‘code name’. He is called Norman in real life) who is a ‘MI6 Major’. Norbert is briefed by passing along ‘the familiar corridors of Vauxhall Cross’ with a bizarre series of black cubby holes. Papers are passed to him by unseen hands. Norbert (Norman) is required to memorise them, then repeat the text verbatim.

    So far as I am aware, MI6 is civil service and military rank is, er, how can I put this? And if boxters are briefing personnel by making them walk past a box, I feel my dear chum Sir John Sawers is taking the piss and I shall tell him so next time we meet for sherry with the vicar.

    Having established the bumbling MI6 ‘Major’ Norbert (Norman in real life) we get to meet the two heroes who will save the day from… Nah, I’ll come back to what they will save the day from.

    One is an ex journalist who has a degree in advanced electronic surveillance technology and works as chief engineer on an electricity generating station in Holland. He is built like a brick shithouse and so, will come in handy for pretty well anything the author can dream up. Including James Bond, who is mentioned twice in the first 20 pages.

    His brother is a skinny geek. Both brothers talk in accented English. Ignoring the fact that most Cloggies speak better English than most Brits

    The plot? Heh. The KGB want to smuggle a shipload of advanced weapons onto the Falklands. The KGB plan to unload the weapons onto one of the many deserted deep water harbours on the islands while the backs of the army, navy, air force, spooks and sheep farmers are turned. Then loads of Argie soldiers will fly in on the LAN dressed like students, pick up the KGB bangy things and, er take over the islands.

    Fortunately fat Cloggie and geek Cloggie thwart them. Phew, eh? That was close.

    For fucks sakes. I had always imagined the fun bit of writing a book would be the research. Finding out about stuff you don’t know about. Talking to people who do, then writing about it? The author appears to have missed the fun bit and simply put down the joint then started writing.

    But it is not all bad. As the darkness draws in and I contemplate eternity, I do hope I manage to remember MI6 Major Norbert (Norman) and shuffle off this mortal coil with a giggle.

    Other than that, this book is a bag ‘o kak.

    One MushroomHead. Just for Major (Norman) Norbert (MI6).
  3. Grownup_Rafbrat

    Grownup_Rafbrat LE Good Egg (charities)

    Surely a review this good, and a book this bad, deserve a bid from someone?
  4. Oi'll give it foive (£5.00) to start the bidding
  5. To whet arrsers appetites

    Alex roysh.jpg

    He has "knowledge of 5 languages" - so he's heard of Russian, German, French, Cloggie and English - doesn't mention whether he is literate in any of them ^_~
    • Like Like x 2
  6. ... honest :omg:

    ... and BUMP!
  7. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    I still have my review copy sitting on a shelf, I'll give £5 to H4H if someone will take it!
  8. I'll pay £10 just to see if it's really that bad. If it is, I can use it as a target on my next Bisley trip.
  9. is that not Al from married with children?
  10. Grownup_Rafbrat

    Grownup_Rafbrat LE Good Egg (charities)

    Well done that man! If you do use it at Bisley, you realise 'it didn't happen without pics'!
  11. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    In a sort of defence of the thing, the Doris and I spent a happy hour passing it back and forth giggling like loons. Not at the authors wit. More at his complete lack of any sort of connection with the 'shadowy world' he so clearly longs to be part of. At times it heads straight for that land we have come to know as Austin Powers.
  12. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    I seem to recall it a bit, written a crap bit of plot, neede a way out, then luckily enough here's a "electronic device" that'll help us move to the next chapter!
  13. Grownup_Rafbrat

    Grownup_Rafbrat LE Good Egg (charities)

    Only one day left, folks.
  14. Grownup_Rafbrat

    Grownup_Rafbrat LE Good Egg (charities)


    [B]Congratulations and thank you 455WG! [/B]

    [B]For £10 this ... intriguing ... book is yours.[/B]

    [B]Thank you for supporting Holidays for Heroes.[/B]

    And a BIG thank you to The Iron Duke for donating it.

    [U]Please transfer the money to:[/U]

    [B]Bank: Holidays4heroes[/B]
    [B]Sort: 40-12-09[/B]
    [B]Acct: 41416081[/B]

    [B]IBAN: GB29MIDL40120941416081[/B]
    [B]Swift: MIDLGB2120G[/B]

    Please PM me confirmation details of the payment
    and me wiith the address where I hould send the book.

    If you’d like to use PayPal, please use shopgirl’s account [EMAIL=""][/EMAIL]. She will pass the money to us.