Ho Ho Ho my arrse - eat this santa!

#1
Right, it's Christmas eve, all is silent. A beautiful woman sleeps soundly beside you (fcuk knows where your wife is - she had a works do tonight), your dog is curled up at the bottom of your bed and your kids are dreaming about the wonders of the day to come.

Suddenly you hear a crash, you're aware of the hundreds of quids worth of pressies currently in the house. Hund bares his teeth and utters a guttoral growl - he knows the brown stuff is on route to the spinny thing. You reach for the glock in the bedside drawer and snurgle along the landing to your youngest's room. Hard entrance in and some fat old bloke in what looks like a red tracksuit is standing over young Bethany, aged 5 and still trusts that daddy will look after her. The possibly hostile paedo das something in his hand.

Is he an Xray? Do you really believe in father christmas? Do you trust your aim?

Pop quiz arrseholes, what do you do? What do you do?
 
#4
OK, he's down. Bethany is awake and being a good kid she's picked up the MP5K from behind her headboard and is gathering her brothers together in the other room. The bairns are secure.

A second crash from downstairs - You're agaist the wall covering the stairs. From your left comes helga (the lass you were sleeping with) in a black negligee, P226 at the ready. She takes over as the foot on the ground and you move down the stairs. A blur of red and green breaks cover fom the living room, you just make out the pointy hat. Damn that fcuker's small.

Rub him out? Yes or No?
 
#6
RTFQ said:
OK, he's down. Bethany is awake and being a good kid she's picked up the MP5K from behind her headboard and is gathering her brothers together in the other room. The bairns are secure.

A second crash from downstairs - You're agaist the wall covering the stairs. From your left comes helga (the lass you were sleeping with) in a black negligee, P226 at the ready. She takes over as the foot on the ground and you move down the stairs. A blur of red and green breaks cover fom the living room, you just make out the pointy hat. Damn that fcuker's small.

Rub him out? Yes or No?
Two to centre of mass, one to head if you can make the shot. Next question? A four legged creature with antlers and a shiny red nose about to go for Hund?
 
#7
Stop being facecious, and speed it up, this is CQB, not B&Q.

Keys rattle in the door, it bursts open, p1ssed wife is there arms draped around 'roger' the slimy one from her work. Behind her is her really annoying and judgemental friend 'verity' next to HER is your mother in law. Another pointy headed target is coming at you from the living room.

How many rounds left? Who do you go for first, who remains standing?
 
#8
RTFQ said:
Stop being facecious, and speed it up, this is CQB, not B&Q.

Keys rattle in the door, it bursts open, p1ssed wife is there arms draped around 'roger' the slimy one from her work. Behind her is her really annoying and judgemental friend 'verity' next to HER is your mother in law. Another pointy headed target is coming at you from the living room.

How many rounds left? Who do you go for first, who remains standing?
Grenade!!!
 
#11
good thinking scales, but you're in a flimsy new britain barratt home, no HE allowed and you left your gren hand asslt sound (SE) at the pub. The pointy headed blur is closing fast and roger is touching your wife's t1ts....
 
#14
Well thankfully i wouldnt have to use my glock as my HOUND is an antisocial little turd and would gladdly tear the nuts off anyone he doesnt recognise who enters his (my) house!!!!

http://www.irishterriers.com/gallery/images/media/4/Egan_and_Roz_a.jpg

he is the smaller one! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

agent smith

Edited for all the bunny huggers!! :D

This IS NOT a pic of an organised dog fight, merely two good pals rough-housing it in my garden. Just wanted to show how he is a fearless little :twisted:

Regards

agent smith
 
#16
RTFQ said:
good thinking scales, but you're in a flimsy new britain barratt home, no HE allowed and you left your gren hand asslt sound (SE) at the pub. The pointy headed blur is closing fast and roger is touching your wife's t1ts....
Counting my rounds, it's still 12 in the mag. Two to Roger, two to the wife, two to the latest Pixie/Gnome/Goblin/Elf (FER on them?), two to MiL as the easiest target 8O
4 rounds in mag left, send Bethany back for the spare mags. All round defence, ammo, cas etc.

Send contact report part 2.
 
#17
gelg, are you a spam by any chance.

Luckily, while you're all still wondering how your village is coping without you, helga comes bounding down the stairs and does the lot. You reload, but as you look up, a christmas fairy has her by the neck with an ingram at her head. Helga looks at you and says "Marry Me?".....who's the weakest link?
 
#18
RTFQ said:
gelg, are you a spam by any chance.

Luckily, while you're all still wondering how your village is coping without you, helga comes bounding down the stairs and does the lot. You reload, but as you look up, a christmas fairy has her by the neck with an ingram at her head. Helga looks at you and says "Marry Me?".....who's the weakest link?
Helga dies in flurry of spinning negligé's and gimp mask!
 
#19
good call.

Fairy drops her ingram in shock. She's fit in a "spends 4 weeks a year with the tip of a christmas tree between her legs" sort of way. She smiles seductively and says "How about it big boy?"

You've got your brown wings, your red wings and even your grey wings. Do you want your fairy wings or is it a ploy? Those fairies are sneaky basts...
 
#20
RTFQ said:
good call.

Fairy drops her ingram in shock. She's fit in a "spends 4 weeks a year with the tip of a christmas tree between her legs" sort of way. She smiles seductively and says "How about it big boy?"

You've got your brown wings, your red wings and even your grey wings. Do you want your fairy wings or is it a ploy? Those fairies are sneaky basts...
Thats what the discarded gimp mask and emergency bondage kits for isn't it? That and the shiny bright light!