Ho Ho Ho my arrse - eat this santa!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by RTFQ, Dec 21, 2004.

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  1. RTFQ


    Right, it's Christmas eve, all is silent. A beautiful woman sleeps soundly beside you (fcuk knows where your wife is - she had a works do tonight), your dog is curled up at the bottom of your bed and your kids are dreaming about the wonders of the day to come.

    Suddenly you hear a crash, you're aware of the hundreds of quids worth of pressies currently in the house. Hund bares his teeth and utters a guttoral growl - he knows the brown stuff is on route to the spinny thing. You reach for the glock in the bedside drawer and snurgle along the landing to your youngest's room. Hard entrance in and some fat old bloke in what looks like a red tracksuit is standing over young Bethany, aged 5 and still trusts that daddy will look after her. The possibly hostile paedo das something in his hand.

    Is he an Xray? Do you really believe in father christmas? Do you trust your aim?

    Pop quiz arrseholes, what do you do? What do you do?
  2. Slot him.

    It's better to be safe than sorry.

    Tried by twelve rather than carried by six and all that........
  3. Bethany would of shot him first. :D
  4. RTFQ


    OK, he's down. Bethany is awake and being a good kid she's picked up the MP5K from behind her headboard and is gathering her brothers together in the other room. The bairns are secure.

    A second crash from downstairs - You're agaist the wall covering the stairs. From your left comes helga (the lass you were sleeping with) in a black negligee, P226 at the ready. She takes over as the foot on the ground and you move down the stairs. A blur of red and green breaks cover fom the living room, you just make out the pointy hat. Damn that fcuker's small.

    Rub him out? Yes or No?
  5. RTFQ


  6. Two to centre of mass, one to head if you can make the shot. Next question? A four legged creature with antlers and a shiny red nose about to go for Hund?
  7. RTFQ


    Stop being facecious, and speed it up, this is CQB, not B&Q.

    Keys rattle in the door, it bursts open, p1ssed wife is there arms draped around 'roger' the slimy one from her work. Behind her is her really annoying and judgemental friend 'verity' next to HER is your mother in law. Another pointy headed target is coming at you from the living room.

    How many rounds left? Who do you go for first, who remains standing?
  8. Grenade!!!
  9. slot the mother-in-law 1st..biggest worry out the way
  10. Seek authority for nuclear weapons release
  11. RTFQ


    good thinking scales, but you're in a flimsy new britain barratt home, no HE allowed and you left your gren hand asslt sound (SE) at the pub. The pointy headed blur is closing fast and roger is touching your wife's t1ts....

  13. Release in figures 5,Over
  14. Well thankfully i wouldnt have to use my glock as my HOUND is an antisocial little turd and would gladdly tear the nuts off anyone he doesnt recognise who enters his (my) house!!!!


    he is the smaller one! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

    agent smith

    Edited for all the bunny huggers!! :D

    This IS NOT a pic of an organised dog fight, merely two good pals rough-housing it in my garden. Just wanted to show how he is a fearless little :twisted:


    agent smith
  15. Send NBC1