It seems the assorted window lickers and paranoid conspiracy theorists have joined forces and leapt off the web and into hard print. Hitting the Victorian Household today was a freebie called theukcolumn ('Incorporating the Plymouth and Devonport Column' - a surprise bearing in mind that we are mid-Wilts). Absolutely hilarious drivel and worth a cursory yet scornful read - although elements of it are practically unintelligible. Mandelson is a new zionist monarch. Practically anyone in politics or the media is guilty of treason - a word it bandies around rather loosely. Flouridation is state sanctioned murder. Enforced vaccination is on the way. Etc etc. Mlaaaaaar. For an extra frisson of conspiracist thrill it has some Le Carre-style coded messages on the back page: 'Blue feed good and growing, brown jobs now in, benches better than expected... stone men onboard etc.' The website, by contrast, is pants. ukcolumn.org. Curiously quiet on the Surrey Panther and Rendlesham Forest UFOs. Let's see if we can bait one out of the woodwork. Any other arrsers got a copy? Who are these cretins and how do I ensure they write up another instalment for me to chortle through?