'hitman' to kill undesirables

#1
Jobcentre advertises for 'hitman' to kill undesirables for the Government after staff fail to notice it was a fake!
Pranksters post spoof advert for James Bond-style 'Target Elimination Specialist'
Applicants should be trained in using sniper rifles, mini-submarines and jet packs
Also an advantage to leave countries by non-conventional means
Salary for fake MI6 post £50,000-£60,000 with mission-based bonuses
DWP spokeswoman confirms advert is a fake.

Jobcentre advertises for 'hitman' to kill undesirables for the Government after staff fail to notice it was a fake | Mail Online
 
#2
The DWP confirmed that an assassin wasn't being sought and that the advert was quickly removed.

A spokeswoman said: 'It is disappointing that somebody would want to post a fake advert when people are looking for real jobs. It has now been removed.'

When what they really mean is:

A spokeswoman said: 'It is disappointing that somebody would want to make complete chimps of us on a day when my PMT is rampaging and my sense of humour is completely fucked.

It [the advert] has now been violently torn down and shredded into a million little pieces, That will teach the cunts to fuck with me, the fucking cunts!'

 
#3
You'd have thought that the DWP would vet prospective Sits Vac before uploading them on their site!!
 
#4
At moments of extreme boredom, I have in the past toyed with the idea of making up cards to go in the Jobcentre racks, advertising for catamites, Strict Mistresses, telephone sex workers ("own teeth and hair not essential") etc, and sneaking them onto the boards.

Never yet been bored enough to carry the project through.
 
#5
Fuck- i thought it was real and sent my cv !! i did however offer to kill some undesirables free of charge or on a bogof scale !!
 
#6
Fuck- i thought it was real and sent my cv !! i did however offer to kill some undesirables free of charge or on a bogof scale !!
Any chance of buying the Qatada contract from you??

Or are you going to auction it to maximise profit?
 
#7
Any chance of buying the Qatada contract from you??

Or are you going to auction it to maximise profit?

No- feel free to have a go- im not selfish and any personal grudges or just cus you dont like a person is just fine by me !! maybe a new thread- WHO WOULD YOU KILL FOR FREE !!
 
#8
WHO WOULD YOU KILL FOR FREE?
I'd start with the "chugger" who just rang my doorbell, as if dodging them on the street isn't enough of an inconvenience. Then I'd do the scrote who slashed my tyres, the pikey who stole my spare wheel and the little asbos who ripped off my windscreen wipers, in no particular order.
 
T

Tremaine

Guest
#9
No no don't off the Chugger, that's just unreasonable. More humane and more legal to lure them in for a brew with biccies. All quite civilised. Then you don't let the fuckers leave before they sign up to your petition to ban the tw@ts. Just lock them in your kitchen and follow them about with a clipboard and pen. It could go on for hours and they'll get really hacked off about it, you know?
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#12
I'd start with the "chugger" who just rang my doorbell, as if dodging them on the street isn't enough of an inconvenience. Then I'd do the scrote who slashed my tyres, the pikey who stole my spare wheel and the little asbos who ripped off my windscreen wipers, in no particular order.
Look on the bright side. There is little chance of flooding in Hampstead.
 

maguire

LE
Book Reviewer
#13
Ahh... the Job Centre. I have never met such a bunch of incompetent mongs in all my life... and I know a lot of incompetent mongs!
**shrugs** it's like everything, you find good and bad ones. though I did get a little ticked off with the one when I lived in manchester,who, on my presentation of the third claim that month for a train ticket to London for a job interview, asked me why, if I was applying for so many jobs down south, I couldnt just move down there.


my (not unreasonable, I thought) question of who would pay for my moving expenses caused her some confusion. silly bitch.
 
#14
I'd start with the "chugger" who just rang my doorbell, as if dodging them on the street isn't enough of an inconvenience. Then I'd do the scrote who slashed my tyres, the pikey who stole my spare wheel and the little asbos who ripped off my windscreen wipers, in no particular order.


it might be cheaper and easier to move house !!
 
#15
It might be cheaper and easier to move house !!

Very true, but unless I moved to an isolated farmhouse in the middle of nowhere there'd probably be other scum infesting the streets. A wise man once said "The human race must reserve the right to rid itself of vermin" but he did go quite mad towards the end! :-o

Ah go on, please let me slot the next chugger that pesters me ;-)
 
#16
The Job Centre staff.... (not all of them though)

Just shows how much attention they pay
 

skid2

LE
Book Reviewer
#17
I signed on in the summer hols as a shepard, not willing to travel more than three miles from home. Legal enough in 1979.
 
#18
Very true, but unless I moved to an isolated farmhouse in the middle of nowhere there'd probably be other scum infesting the streets. A wise man once said "The human race must reserve the right to rid itself of vermin" but he did go quite mad towards the end! :-o

Ah go on, please let me slot the next chugger that pesters me ;-)

NO NO NO- You must observe the rules of elf n safety that no chuggers should be harmed in the making of these posts- however when they leave your propery they become fair game like double glazing salesmen-jahovas witnesses-pikeys-energy transfer salesmen-postmen who knock at 9am when youve been on nightshift-and any other assorterd fucker who pisses you off at no specific time by just visiting your property uninvited!!
 
#19
That's an awful lot of money for doing something you'd enjoy, immunity from prosecution would be enough for me.
 
#20
That's an awful lot of money for doing something you'd enjoy, immunity from prosecution would be enough for me.

ya- but shoot to wound so the fuckers lie outside your property as a warning to other undesirables !! bit like hanging crows on fences like they did in bygone times!
 

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