His and her perfect day

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by beufighter, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. HIS AND HER PERFECT DAY


    FOR HER.

    08.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
    08.30 Weigh-in 2 kgs lighter than yesterday.
    08.45 Breakfast in bed. Freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants.
    Open presents; expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.
    09.15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant oil
    10.00 Light workout at club, with handsome funny, personal trainer.
    10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, and blow-dry.
    12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe.
    12.45 Catch sight of partner’s ex, and notice that she has gained 7 kgs.
    13.05 Shopping with friends. Unlimited credit.
    15.15 Nap
    15.55 Three dozen red roses delivered by florist from secret admirer.
    16.15 Massage at club given by strong but gentle hunk, who says that he rarely gets
    to work on such a perfect body
    17.30 Choose outfit from expensive, and extensive designer wardrobe.
    Parade in front of full-length mirror.
    19.30 Candlelit dinner for two in expensive restaurant, followed by dancing and
    Compliments from other diners and dancers.
    22.15 Hot shower. ( alone.)
    22.50 Carried to bed. Freshly ironed, new linen.
    23.55 Pillow-talk, light touching and cuddling.
    23.10 Fall asleep in his strong arms.


    FOR HIM

    06.05 Alarm
    06.15 Blow-job
    06.30 Massive, satisfying dump whilst reading the sports pages.
    07.05 Full cooked breakfast, tea and toast, all cooked by naked buxom wench.
    07.30 Limo arrives
    07.45 Several whiskies en-route to airport.
    08.50 Flight in personal Learjet.
    09.30 Limo to St. Andrews golf club. ( Blow-job en-route.)
    09.45 Play front nine. ( two under)
    11.45 Early lunch. Pie chips and gravy. 4 pints of traditional ale .
    12.15 Blow-job
    12.30 Play back nine. ( four under. )
    13.55 Limo back to airport. ( several whiskies )
    14.30 Fly to Monte Carlo.
    15.55 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew. ( all nude )
    16.20 Land world record marlin ( 1235 lbs ) on light tackle.
    16.50 Fly home. Massage and hand-job by Ellie McPherson.
    19.05 Shit, shower, shave.
    19.30 Watch news. Michael Jackson assassinated. Marijuana and porn legalized.
    20.05 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon 1953, big juicy fillet steak,
    Followed by ice-cream served on a big pair of tits.
    20.55 Napoleon Brandy and Cohiba cigar in front of wall-sized tv showing international
    match. England 11 Germany 0.
    22.45 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies.
    23.30 Massage and jaccuzi, with tasty pizza snacks.
    00.15 Night-cap blow-job.
    00.30 In bed alone.
    00.35 12 second fart which changes tone four times and forces the dog to leave the
    room.
     
  2. Ah ah, a story of Fergie & Andrew? :twisted: