Hes a better man than me luv.

Took the wife out to a dinner dance the other night. I'd been catching up with some mates from my local alcoholics anonymous, at the bar. when I got back to my table the wife says "while you were at the bar,that bloke over there asked me for a dance - while we dancing he said to me - I'd like to turn you upside down,hold you by the ankles,fill your vagina full of Guiness then slurp it all down in one gulp !! Are you going to have a word with him ?" Am I fuck I said, any man who can drink 5 pints of Guiness in one gulp is a better man than me !!
Answered a knock at the door last night. Two cops were standing there. One of them was holding up a picture of my wife. Is this your wife Sir, he said. Yeah I said, what of it ? Looks like she's been in a car crash, he said ? Well I fuckin know that, I said. But she's got a nice personality and she's a damn good cook !!
The Lord be praised!!

Les Dawson is alive after all