Heroes to be henpecked

#1
Angus and Bruce are having a chat about who wears the big pants in their respective families.

Angus:"Bruce, your wife Bonnie is the real boss of your familiy, isn't she?"

Bruce:"Nope, we share the responsibilities. She commands the kids, me and the dog."

Angus:"And what are you in charge of?"

Bruce:"I command the plants and flowers."

Bruce:"But Angus, your wife Amelie is the Commander-in-Chief in your marriage as well, right?

Angus:"Well, she is only in charge of our family's finances, education and social affairs."

Bruce:"And what are you in charge of?"

Angus:"Well, as the political head of our family, I decide who will be our next prime minister!"
 
#4
#5
Ziss iz de laydest in German joke technolojee. Vhy are you not all LAUGHINKKK??? Vhy??
I prefer zee von with zee fallen Madonna vid zee big boobies.
 
#6
#7
They did a show over the weekend which got the Allo Allo cast back together. I bloody loved those waitresses. some of the writing of that show was hilarious!! It did quite well internationally too.
It was quite a success here too. It must have been a nightmare for the translators, with all the double entendres and such.
 
#8
You mean these lovellies

 
#9
The Englishman that spoke bad French owes Mr D's avatar a few quid.

Always liked those resistance girls with the trenchcoats and ankle socks myself.
 
#11
You lot were funnier when you were doing this:


At least you wore silly trousers.
 
#12
My dog's got no nose!

How does he smell?

Pay attention, I just told you he has no nose...

Now that is comedy gold.
 
#14
This is a genuine German joke........

A couple are having "marital difficulties", so the wife goes to see a therapist who advises her to try to use her imagination to spice things up a bit. Anxious to follow this advice, she buys some hot, black lingerie and fishnets, and awaits her husband's return in the hall, stockinged leg draped provocatively over a chair, Marlene Dietrich style.

Her husband finally comes home, but turns ashen faced when he sees her.

"Oh no. You're dressed all in black. Has something happened to mother??"
............................

Funny as fuck...not.
 
#15
I would here and now like to thank the generation that saved us from the dominion of these people. I could take the leather shorts and little mustaches but the jokes!!!
 
#16
I would here and now like to thank the generation that saved us from the dominion of these people. I could take the leather shorts and little mustaches but the jokes!!!
good point well made
 
#17
This is a genuine German joke........

A couple are having "marital difficulties", so the wife goes to see a therapist who advises her to try to use her imagination to spice things up a bit. Anxious to follow this advice, she buys some hot, black lingerie and fishnets, and awaits her husband's return in the hall, stockinged leg draped provocatively over a chair, Marlene Dietrich style.

Her husband finally comes home, but turns ashen faced when he sees her.

"Oh no. You're dressed all in black. Has something happened to mother??"
............................

Funny as fuck...not.
another German joke...

A TV reporter from Germany goes to Switzerland to do a survey of its people and their attitudes to Swiss nationality. he asks them what they think of when they see the Swiss flag. The first few are all "Truth, Justice, chocolate industry, Red Cross, cuckoo clocks etc." Then the reporter meets a Bavarian and asks him what he thinks of when he sees the Swiss flag.

"Sexual intercourse"

"What! you think of sexual intercourse when you see the Swiss flag - why?"

"Because i always think about sexual intercourse."

Cue tumbleweed...they are a humourless bunch in the main. Sometimes though they do surpass themselves.
 
#18
another German joke...

A TV reporter from Germany goes to Switzerland to do a survey of its people and their attitudes to Swiss nationality. he asks them what they think of when they see the Swiss flag. The first few are all "Truth, Justice, chocolate industry, Red Cross, cuckoo clocks etc." Then the reporter meets a Bavarian and asks him what he thinks of when he sees the Swiss flag.

"Sexual intercourse"

"What! you think of sexual intercourse when you see the Swiss flag - why?"

"Because i always think about sexual intercourse."

Cue tumbleweed...they are a humourless bunch in the main. Sometimes though they do surpass themselves.

"Take my vife..I command you!"
 
#20
1914 Christmas truce ended when a German tried to tell a joke out of a cracker

Fritz; Nock nock.

Tommy; Who's there?

Fritz: Vee ask der questions pig dog Englander swvinehunt
 

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