Here Doc - Look at me plums.

Discussion in 'Blue Jokes' started by oldpara, Jul 1, 2013.

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  1. We got this gorgeous young female doctor started in our local surgery - so I've started booking her once a week complaining of swollen testicles ! On my last visit she said - I'm afraid you are going to have to stop masturbating ? I said - oh no doc, why ? She said - because I cant really examine you otherwise !
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  2. An Australian went to Harley Street ( London ) the specialist who examined him says " It's your prostate, we'll have to remove your testacles"

    "Oh no I want a second opinion"

    Second Doc. " Fraid we will have to remove your testicles"

    " Shit I want a third examination"

    So they get him another doctor, this one is from New Zealand.

    Kiwi, gives him a thorough going over, "sorry mate going to have to chop your bollocks off"

    " Thank Christ for that, I thought they were going to take me Test tickets away.

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  3. The Doctor tells the bloke that he'll have to amputate his balls.

    "I wanna second opinion!" the bloke wails.

    "Ok then", says the Doc, "You're fuckin' ugly too!"
  4. phil245

    phil245 LE Book Reviewer

    Fred wakes up one morning to find that he has got a red ring around his dick, So he goes to see the Doctor. While he is in the waiting room, his friend Bill comes in, So he asks Bill what he is there for. Bill says that he woke up to find a green ring around his dick, Fred says " I found a red ring around mine". Bill gets called into see the Doctor first and comes out 10 minutes later, looking really depressed. Fred asks Bill what the Doctor said, Bill Says " The Doctor told me it was gangrene and that the only cure is amputation" Fred says " Christ that's bad, I wonder what he will say about mine" The Doctor calls Fred in to see him, five minutes later, Fred comes out with a big smile on his face. Bill asks him what the Doctor said. Fred says " Its alright mine is just lipstick".
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  5. As they say, the old ones are the good ones. :)
  6. A man with a stuttering problem tries everything he can to stop stuttering, but he can't. Finally, he goes to a world renowned doctor for help. The doctor examines him and says

    "I've found your problem. Your penis is twelve inches long. It weighs so much that it's pulling on your lungs, causing you to stutter." So he asks, "What's he cure, doc?" The doctor replies, "Well, we have to cut off six inches."

    The man is eager to cure his stuttering so he agrees to the operation. The operation is a success, and he stops stuttering.

    Two months later, the man calls the doctor and tells him that since he's had the 6 inches cut off, all of his girlfriends have dumped him, and his love life has gone down the tubes. He insists that the doctor do another operation to add the six inches back on.
    There is silence on the other end of the telephone, so the man repeats, "Hey doc, didn't you hear me? I want my six inches back!"

    Finally, the doctor responds, "F-f-f-f-f-f-u-c-k y-y-y-y-ou!
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  7. A bloke walks into a hospital, and goes up to the clerk at the counter.

    "How may I help you sir?" She asks.

    "I need someone to look at my penis."

    "Hmmm, everyone seems busy at the moment, if you come around this side of the counter then I'll have a quick look and decide your best course of action."

    The bloke goes around and drops his strides. Out plops this massive ten incher! The clerk is a little taken aback, but gives it the once over anyway. She looks at the top of it, looks at the bottom of it, looks around the head and down the eye.

    "I'm not sure what to make of it, I'll just see if I can grab a nurse to take a peek for you."

    The nurse comes into the front office, is a little shocked to see such a huge lump of man-meat, but does an examination anyway. She looks at the top of it, looks at the bottom of it, looks around the head and down the eye.

    "Right" says the nurse "I'll have to see if I can fetch a Doctor, this is beyond my expertise."

    She goes out and comes back a short time later with a female Doctor in tow. The Doc almost pops a heart valve at the sight of such a large organ, but stays professional and does an examination. She looks at the top of it, looks at the bottom of it, looks around the head and down the eye.

    "Well sir, I think I can safely say that there is nothing medically wrong with your penis."

    "No!" the bloke replies with a huge grin, "But isn't it a beauty!"
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