Help

#1
Hey Arrsers,
Been lurking around for a bit and while you've managed to help me get rid of the 2.5 stone tire and pass selection but I haven't found a solution to my problem. :(

Can you guys give me pointers on how to be great in bed, or at least not terrible? Unfortunately for me in my 20 something life ive somehow managed to hold onto my virginity no matter how hard tired to give it away, so I'm pretty sure I will blow my load after 20 or so seconds, What can I do??

P.s She is 29, hot and for some reason wants to have some no strings attached fun. How do I not disappoint??
 
#5
Think of Anne Widdecombe while you're doing it. That should hold you back for a few minutes.
Alternatively, think of Margaret Beckett, good for at least five minutes.
Oh, and have a five finger massage about an hour before. Mind you, at 20, that shouldn't hold you too long.
 
#6
So blow your load after 20 seconds. It doesn't (or shouldn't) end there. At your age, you should be good for at least three shags per hour easily, with each one getting progressively longer and the Doris walking out on the morrow doing a credible impression of the John-Wayne-walk.

Piece of piss, innit? :D :D :D

MsG
 
#7
Drink a lot of water. Once your bladder's swollen you'll have a great deal of difficulty firing your chaff regardless of how hard you try.

And of course, slipping to the bog before things get too advanced for a quick one off the wrist.
 
#8
Vacuumhead said:
Hey Arrsers,
Been lurking around for a bit and while you've managed to help me get rid of the 2.5 stone tire and pass selection but I haven't found a solution to my problem. :(

Can you guys give me pointers on how to be great in bed, or at least not terrible? Unfortunately for me in my 20 something life ive somehow managed to hold onto my virginity no matter how hard tired to give it away, so I'm pretty sure I will blow my load after 20 or so seconds, What can I do??

P.s She is 29, hot and for some reason wants to have some no strings attached fun. How do I not disappoint??
I can shag her, you can watch and blow your load in 20 seconds and all three of us will be happy :)
 
#9
who cares as long as you shoot your stinking love piss on her afterwards or even if you do it bareback and let it dribble out on her side of the bed then everything is dandy. If she says you are shit just tell everyone she gave you thrush the dirty mong minger that she probably is.
 
#10
As long as you shoot your load who gives a feck what she thinks? Just tell her was good for you!
 
#11
You could always hit her over the head with a wooden bat after 5 seconds and say she hit her head on the headboard. ;)

Whilst she is unconscious shag like there is no tommorow. When she wakes up you will last either very long or not get any (that she knows of ;) )


Either way its win win.


Just dont think about what your doin when your shagging her. Quite often you will get arosed at the thought that your meat is parting the bun so to speak and will get all excited. Then your fucked. Just think about doing something different, make sure its not obvious to her thought otherwise she will think your a tard.

-OCS-

or as above let us all have a ride on it and then you can jump in when she wont feel a thing anyway.
 
#12
Just get her to nosh you off, then bang one into her eyes.

she'll be chopsing off about that too much to care how long you take on the old pokey pokey.
 
#14
Steal a couple of your grandads Viagra
 
#15
Let Old Fat & Hairy shag her then you're bound to look good no matter what.













(OF&H, t'is just a ruse to get you a shag OK? So don't take it personally)
 
#16
Thanks for the replies, some good ideas there. Unfortunatly no grandfather, alcohol is a fine line i tend to cross over and would hate to have my/her friends and the rest of facebook laughing at limp dick plus im a jealous fecker so letting one of you guys warm her up for me wouldnt work, quess im going to have to go with bashing her head with a wooden bat :D

Anyways off to gym to try get that little bit more buff before tommorrow.
 
#17
Evening, Just wanted to thank everyone for the suggestions especially Donkey spanker and SmartasCarrots who got me through with barely a hiccup.
Im off now to do manly things now im able.

Cheers

Vacuum
 
#19
Thinking of Mo Mowlem helps me no end :safe:
 
#20
Just get on with it. Make sure you tell her that the best way of avoiding unwanted pregnancy is for her to swallow. If you have a conscience about wanting to fulfill her needs tell her that she makes you so horny that you cant control yourself and that you will make sure she cums first next time. This is bollocks of course.

Treat her with complete contempt and she will be your slave. Eventualy of course she will be so fucked up she will need a counselor. I will PM you with my phone number ready for when this happens. Start today!
 
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