Help with funnies required

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by SIG_ICEMAN, Sep 7, 2006.

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  1. Need some help:

    trying to think of some more of these funnies:

    "He's a dark horse"
    "Black Beauty?"

    "He's leaving Friday"
    "Robinson Crusoe"

    I know there is LOADS more but cant remember them........
  2. Very out of date, but ............

    "All that money and they live like pigs!"
    "Who's that?"
    "Pinky & Perky"
  3. He's a card
    The Jack of Clubs

    Its a laugh
    What is?
    That noise you make when you hear something funny

    There used to be little bits on the Young Ones with 2 blokes doing loads of them, might be worth a google. You could also google Tim Vine, awful puns are right up his alley.
  4. It's a hell of a drawback.

    what is?

    Elephants foreskin.
  5. It's times like this that make me wish I'd listened to what my mother had told me....

    What's that then?

    I don't know, I wasn't listening.
  6. Ive not seen him in awhile

    Whos that then

    The invisible man!

    Hes always hanging around


  7. Knock Knock

    Who's there????

  8. It makes me sick.


    Putting my fingers down my throat.

    I just can understand it.


  9. This reminds me of that scene from Withnail and I...

    What about what's-his-name?

    What about him?
    Why don't you give him a call?

    What for?
    Ask him about his house.

    You want me to call what's-his-name
    and ask him about his house?

    Why not?
    All right. What's his number?

    I have no idea.
    I've never met him.

    Well, neither have I.
    Who the **** are you talking about?

    It's funnier if you've seen it!
  10. Oops, that's "can't", obviously!
  11. Cheers lads can anyone else add any?
  12. Hello is that Cork double 3 double 3,

    No It's Cork 3, Treble 3.

    Oh sorry wrong number,

    That's ok the phone was ringing anyway.

  13. It always gets me down!

    Whats that?

    A parachute!
  14. don't know his name but his face rings a bell.

    who's that ?

    quasimodo !!!!
  15. he's small for his size

    who is

    tom thumb.

    ken dodd died last week

    did he

    no doddy

    it makes me wonder

    what does


    i wish i had enough money to buy an elephant

    why would you want an elephant

    I don't I just want the money