Help with best mans speech

#1
I'm in the middle of writing a best mans speech, any help will be gratefully recieved but in particular I need a way of saying that someone is an artful thief. i.e. he could steal the teeth out the back of your head! Yes he'll be a scouser!
 
#2
"He's the sort of bloke who would be able to sell Eskimos their own ice back!" might fit the bill, if he is also known as a bit of a wheeler-dealer........
 
#4
Velcro hands, magnetic fingers are ones that have been used on me… …I mean a friend of mine to good effect.

Remind everyone to check their rings/fingers after they've congratulated them.

Good luck!

CC_TA
 
#7
Bit of advice, the scouse jokes got old years ago, We have heard them all. If you want a tumbleweed to blow past on your moment of fame go right ahead.
 
#9
Scousefeej said:
Bit of advice, the scouse jokes got old years ago, We have heard them all. If you want a tumbleweed to blow past on your moment of fame go right ahead.
Oh come on! Give the guy half a chance.... 99% of comedy is in the delivery! Plus, at a wedding reception, the "audience" are all on your side! They want a laugh, and will probably laugh at even the lamest joke! (Trust me!)

As long as the "Scouse" jokes aren't done to death, it could be very effective.

GR
 
#10
Ghost_Rider said:
Scousefeej said:
Bit of advice, the scouse jokes got old years ago, We have heard them all. If you want a tumbleweed to blow past on your moment of fame go right ahead.
Oh come on! Give the guy half a chance.... 99% of comedy is in the delivery! Plus, at a wedding reception, the "audience" are all on your side! They want a laugh, and will probably laugh at even the lamest joke! (Trust me!)

As long as the "Scouse" jokes aren't done to death, it could be very effective.

GR
Exactly they want a laugh, not something they hear everytime they leave the M62. Trust me it's a recipe for disaster, or one of them laughs that nobody really means :wink:
 
#13
Recommend non scouse jokes. Just pick a character trait and tell some jokes based on that and all the birds he's been with since you've known him!!

As a fellow scouser the scouse jokes get a bit tiring after a while believe me.
 
#14
Scousefeej said:
Door_Bundle_Mk2 said:
Yeah, yeah, whatever La.....................................any chance of getting me a Bose stereo?
Meet me at the back of the Red Lion at 23:59.
Not a problem La. I'll recognise you by the curly hair and porn 'tache a la 3 para mortar pln..................................and the track marks going up your arm.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#16
Scousefeej said:
...

Trust me it's a recipe for disaster, or one of them laughs that nobody really means :wink:
They don't mean it ?

Like when a Scouser says 'trust me' ?
 
#17
Good line I heard from a Best Man's speech recently was:

"I asked at his rugby club what sort of player he was. They said that they'd tried him in every position and that he was useless at all of them. Which doesn't bode well for his wife."

Da-ding!

Sorry, I'll get my coat.

V!
 
#19
Just before you start your speech, rest your hand on your wifes/girlfriends shoulder and say gently.

"Before I begin with the speech, i've got a little announcement to make. Helen has told me to get ready to start changing a few nappies."

Wait for all the "ahhhhhhs" to die down and continue.

"Apparently, all the muscles in her arrse have packed up."
 
#20
Thanks for all the advise guys!

Scousefeej said:
Bit of advice, the scouse jokes got old years ago, We have heard them all. If you want a tumbleweed to blow past on your moment of fame go right ahead.
Jeez, get over yourself! Careful when you do an eyes right that chip on your shoulder might take your eye out! :roll: :roll:

The story happens to be that he broke into and hotwired 4 DROPS MMLC's that we had no keys for, now where did he learn that?
 

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