Help! VW alarm systems...

BrunoNoMedals

LE
Kit Reviewer
#1
Last night I woke up at 0130h with horrendous acid reflux and a full bladder. On staggering out to the toilet I noticed that the security light covering my driveway was on, and the little red LED by the lock pin on the driver's side was flashing at least every second - in the past I swear it only used to flash every 3-4 seconds.

I threw on some jeans and went outside to have a look, but no-one was about and the car seemed fine. Am I being paranoid, or could someone have had a pop at it?

It's a Mk4 Golf, 1.6 but bottom of the range (no air-con, no remote for the central locking, and I believe it's only got an immobiliser rather than a full factory alarm system). I'm about to go Googling for info on the red light... with SafeSearch on, obviously... but in the mean time I thought I'd put it out to the crowd for any extra input.

The light is still flashing every second when it's locked, and I'm still convinced it should be flashing a lot slower. Is this normal? Am I going mad?
 

BrunoNoMedals

LE
Kit Reviewer
#2
I've considered taking out shares in whoever makes those things. I go through dozens of them. Missus thinks I'm addicted.
 
#3
BrunoNoMedals said:
I've considered taking out shares in whoever makes those things. I go through dozens of them. Missus thinks I'm addicted.

No, you need to get some fireman to hose down your throat...........
I've see it on TV :D
 

BrunoNoMedals

LE
Kit Reviewer
#4
I prefer minty-fresh to salty-fresh, despite what you may have heard ;)
 
#5
Take one roll of harry black/duct tape or the like. Tear off a small square and place it over the red light ensuring you can no longer see it flash. Tear off a larger piece of the tape and place it over the PIR detector of the security light. Or alternatively, hit both repeatedly with a large hammer until they no longer have the audacity to blink or shine.

Hope this helps.
 
#7
Cabana said:
I would go with the hammer...its more fun.
Yes I noticed you gave that same advice to somebody with an awkward iPhone. You're obviously a master with the hammer.
 

BrunoNoMedals

LE
Kit Reviewer
#8
I'm tempted to just take a hammer to the whole car. I'm expecting to drop about £700 in repairs on it next week, and it's already cost me close to £1500 in the three years I've had it just fixing "common faults". Two induction coils, a cam belt, both front electric windows, a full new exhaust system... it still pulls left despite a number of mechanics assessing it and ruling out the tracking or uneven tread. Now it needs another electric window (in the back this time), another cam belt, new emissions sensors on the exhaust and possibly an assessment of this immobiliser all as part of its 65k service. It's only eight years old!

German engineering? I shit it. I'm going Jap next.
 
#11
Cabana said:
mistersoft said:
Cabana said:
I would go with the hammer...its more fun.
Yes I noticed you gave that same advice to somebody with an awkward iPhone. You're obviously a master with the hammer.
I surely am.....much experience had with a hammer and things that don't want to work.

You are Peter Sutcliff and I demand my £5
 
#13
Litotes said:
It's a flash every one or two seconds, IIRC.

Lits
So there's bugger all wrong with it.

Apart from: Now it needs another electric window (in the back this time), another cam belt, new emissions sensors on the exhaust and possibly an assessment of this immobiliser all as part of its 65k service.

And at least the security light seems to work ok.
 
#14
right-grumpy said:
Cabana said:
mistersoft said:
Cabana said:
I would go with the hammer...its more fun.
Yes I noticed you gave that same advice to somebody with an awkward iPhone. You're obviously a master with the hammer.
I surely am.....much experience had with a hammer and things that don't want to work.

You are Peter Sutcliff and I demand my £5
Who? I Never heard of him. Did he invent jammy dodgers? No £5 for you!
 
#15
mistersoft said:
Litotes said:
It's a flash every one or two seconds, IIRC.

Lits
So there's bugger all wrong with it.

Apart from: Now it needs another electric window (in the back this time), another cam belt, new emissions sensors on the exhaust and possibly an assessment of this immobiliser all as part of its 65k service.

And at least the security light seems to work ok.
Silver linings, and all that!

Cheers Lits, maybe I am going mad after all.
 

TheIronDuke

On ROPS
On ROPs
Book Reviewer
#16
BrunoNoMedals said:
Cheers Lits, maybe I am going mad after all.
Not at all dear boy. My wife owns a girly car just like you, and has many of the same problems.

Well, thats not strictly true. She doesnt wet herself when little red lights flash. Thats because she has me, lucky girl.

I disconnect the battery then walk away and spend some time in my sh*d.

Then I come back and re-connect the battery.

That usually sorts it and if it doesnt, I torch the car and she claims an electrical fault on her insurance. Then buys another girly car.

Hope this helps.
 
#17
TheIronDuke said:
BrunoNoMedals said:
Cheers Lits, maybe I am going mad after all.
Not at all dear boy. My wife owns a girly car just like you, and has many of the same problems.

Well, thats not strictly true. She doesnt wet herself when little red lights flash. Thats because she has me, lucky girl.

I disconnect the battery then walk away and spend some time in my sh*d.

Then I come back and re-connect the battery.

That usually sorts it and if it doesnt, I torch the car and she claims an electrical fault on her insurance. Then buys another girly car.

Hope this helps.
Sorry Dukey, I'll take myself away to my new shed and study intently for the re-sit of my Man Test :(

In the interest of revision, would the future purchase of a Civic Type-R be an improvement on a dog-shit, bottom-end Golf?
 
#18
No No No civic = chavvy girls car without a doubt. Type R just means that your chav boy-friend is good at mugging old folk so you have a bit more cash or stole a faster version to impress his mates before he gave it to you.
If you cant afford a real car with four doors and space to carry more than a make up bag in the boot then man-up get a bike. Preferably a Triumph Speed triple - that ought to put hairs on your chest!
 
#19
It's tempting, given the God-awful traffic around Bristol, but I think I'll pass for now. Maybe when I hit my midlife crisis ;)

I'd have gone for an A3, but given that most of my Golf is made from Audi parts and they keep failing, I'm going to have to pass on scheiße Deutsche Technik. And I'm far too young for an Accord.
 
#20
If you insist on using VW Audi products, at least save some money and buy a skoda!
 
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