• ARRSE have partnered with Armadillo Merino to bring you an ARRSE exclusive, generous discount offer on their full price range.
    To keep you warm with the best of Merino gear, visit www.armadillomerino.co.uk and use the code: NEWARRSE40 at the checkout to get 40% off!
    This superb deal has been generously offered to us by Armadillo Merino and is valid until midnight on the the 28th of February.

Help. Neighbours' cat shitting on my doorstep.

#1
I am constantly finding piles of cat poo on my doorstep, I live in a small block of flats and the cat in question is left free to roam communal areas(which now reek of cat piss) while owner out at work. I have tried cat-repellent(9.99 at B&Q), concentrated lemon juice, jeyes fluid and kicking the cats arse, none of which stop the moggie creeping back and crapping and pissing in my doorway as soon as my back is turned. My ideal solution would be cat+sack+housebrick+nearest body of water, but I can't catch the f***ing thing, bar an AK47 do any arssers have a solution.
 
#2
I am constantly finding piles of cat poo on my doorstep, I live in a small block of flats and the cat in question is left free to roam communal areas(which now reek of cat piss) while owner out at work. I have tried cat-repellent(9.99 at B&Q), concentrated lemon juice, jeyes fluid and kicking the cats arse, none of which stop the moggie creeping back and crapping and pissing in my doorway as soon as my back is turned. My ideal solution would be cat+sack+housebrick+nearest body of water, but I can't catch the f***ing thing, bar an AK47 do any arssers have a solution.
landmine-un.jpg
 
#3
If you know where it lives, you could always try delivering said shit to the cat's owner (perhaps through the letter box) with a nice note saying that their cat seems to have forgotten something.
 
#5
Are people allowed to have pets in your block of flats? If not, then shop the bastards. Failing that a BFO super squirter tends to put them off their stroke.

One of my pet hates is cat crap. their minders should be made to take control of them as we dog owners are.
 
#9
I heard a great story about just such a situation. Sgt 1 has been fuming about cat shit in his garden. Sgt 2 goes down the mess to see him after his kid's cat goes missing.

Oi! Have you seen my daughter's cat?

Is it one of these? says sgt 1 pulling back sleve to reveal 3 collars on his arm!
 
#12
If you know where it lives, you could always try delivering said shit to the cat's owner (perhaps through the letter box) with a nice note saying that their cat seems to have forgotten something.
The only problem with that solution is that the cat owner will probably deny it was their own lovable moggy that did the deed. Cat owners, in my experience (we are surrounded by the fukcers) tend to be very protective of their little darlings and can't understand why everyone else doesn't find them lovable. A bit like parents with kids really.
 
#13
I thought that cats were into burying their shit at all costs. I really didn't know that they would drop a log in the open without camming it up for you to find at a later date.
 
#14
Are people allowed to have pets in your block of flats? If not, then shop the bastards. Failing that a BFO super squirter tends to put them off their stroke.

One of my pet hates is cat crap. their minders should be made to take control of them as we dog owners are.
Soak a handfull of hot chillies in the water for a week or two before. Failing that heat the water with chillies, leave to cool than use. Do not forget though, otherwise the kids may get a shock the next time they use the squirter!
 
#15
Go to your nearest Zoo, purloin a bottle of Lion/Tigers Piss, spread liberally outside
your door/landing, job jobbed.......drawback is your doorway smells of Lion/Tiger Piss
but the Moggie will fcuk off sharpish...

Be advised neither Lions nor Tigers take kindly to some cnut pushing their Todgers
into an empty Coke bottle and extracting the urine(!)

My advice, kill the fcuking furry football!
 
P

PrinceAlbert

Guest
#16
My old neighbours cat used to shit it my front garden. I bought some anti-cat stuff which resembled little green sticky balls and liberally threw them around the place. Later on in the afternoon my neighbour knocked on my door asking if I'd put it down, as they'd trod the sticky green stuff into their house and it stank.

I stated that it was me, and it's just as unpleasant when I walk their cats crap through my house.

Put the cunt in a sandbag and drown it.
 
#18
I thought that cats were into burying their shit at all costs. I really didn't know that they would drop a log in the open without camming it up for you to find at a later date.
The amount of times I've put my fingers through soggy cat shit whilst digging up the garden amazes, and disgusts, me.

A guy I used to work with sorted out a cat once upon a time. His father was having a problem with a particularly pesky Tom, so my mate set up an ambush and waited in silence for the cat to turn up. He caught the fucker and promptly dipped it in a full water butt until the cat stopped moving.

He had plenty of scratches up his arm for the privilege, but the bewildered neighbours had a soggy cat to bury in their garden.

Simple, difficult to pull off, but effective.
 
#20
Pick one of the following:

Invite the owner round to clean up said crap.
Get the link for the green anti-cat snot off of PA.
Sit on your PC and cry.
Clean it up and crack on.
Get an air pistol and put some Insanity Sauce in it - shoot at cat. (Cat licks itself clean and avoids area.)
Or, my personal favourite, Bag up the cat shit and post it to the owner.
 

Latest Threads

New Posts