Help. Neighbours' cat shitting on my doorstep.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by oldgadge, Jan 11, 2012.

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  1. I am constantly finding piles of cat poo on my doorstep, I live in a small block of flats and the cat in question is left free to roam communal areas(which now reek of cat piss) while owner out at work. I have tried cat-repellent(9.99 at B&Q), concentrated lemon juice, jeyes fluid and kicking the cats arse, none of which stop the moggie creeping back and crapping and pissing in my doorway as soon as my back is turned. My ideal solution would be cat+sack+housebrick+nearest body of water, but I can't catch the f***ing thing, bar an AK47 do any arssers have a solution.
  2. landmine-un.jpg
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  3. If you know where it lives, you could always try delivering said shit to the cat's owner (perhaps through the letter box) with a nice note saying that their cat seems to have forgotten something.
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  4. Solution found.

    Or if you want to be humane you could strap a hand grenade to it.
  5. Are people allowed to have pets in your block of flats? If not, then shop the bastards. Failing that a BFO super squirter tends to put them off their stroke.

    One of my pet hates is cat crap. their minders should be made to take control of them as we dog owners are.
  6. Speak with the building manager!?
  7. Porridge_gun

    Porridge_gun LE Good Egg (charities)

    Move into a proper property you flat dwelling pikey.
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  8. Go and shit on your Neighbours Doorstep.
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  9. I heard a great story about just such a situation. Sgt 1 has been fuming about cat shit in his garden. Sgt 2 goes down the mess to see him after his kid's cat goes missing.

    Oi! Have you seen my daughter's cat?

    Is it one of these? says sgt 1 pulling back sleve to reveal 3 collars on his arm!
  10. Cats don't normally shit without burying it.

    Are you sure it's not a fox dump or a Pikey kid?
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  11. Its not as bad as when the neighbours birds are shitting on your door steps, especially if its some fat Welsh minger.
  12. The only problem with that solution is that the cat owner will probably deny it was their own lovable moggy that did the deed. Cat owners, in my experience (we are surrounded by the fukcers) tend to be very protective of their little darlings and can't understand why everyone else doesn't find them lovable. A bit like parents with kids really.
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  13. I thought that cats were into burying their shit at all costs. I really didn't know that they would drop a log in the open without camming it up for you to find at a later date.
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  14. Soak a handfull of hot chillies in the water for a week or two before. Failing that heat the water with chillies, leave to cool than use. Do not forget though, otherwise the kids may get a shock the next time they use the squirter!
  15. Go to your nearest Zoo, purloin a bottle of Lion/Tigers Piss, spread liberally outside
    your door/landing, job jobbed.......drawback is your doorway smells of Lion/Tiger Piss
    but the Moggie will fcuk off sharpish...

    Be advised neither Lions nor Tigers take kindly to some cnut pushing their Todgers
    into an empty Coke bottle and extracting the urine(!)

    My advice, kill the fcuking furry football!