Help needed - PRE OSB Weekend soon

Discussion in 'Officers' started by Rincewind, Mar 2, 2006.

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  1. Hello chaps,

    i have a pre OSB weekend coming up and i have seen the published schedule, but duty rumour is there will be suprise after dinner speaker nominee's - now everything else i think i can handle - but i have never seen an after dinner speaker let alone know where to begin to perform such a task.

    Can someone give me some pointers?

    Cheers in advance

  2. Please?

    to clarify - i am asking for advice on after dinner speaking - what is it, what do you talk about, how long should it last, some rules of ettiquet etc

    Many thanks

  3. Be brief. Be coherent. Be funny.

    Failing that, get royally muntered, make a prize dick of yourself and collapse towards the end, ideally face first on to the table. Extra marks if you take a decanter down with you.

    Both approaches will generate roars of laughter.
  4. Exactly.

    A few dos and dont's:

    - avoid cliches like producing reams of paper as if about to make the world's longest speech, or saying 'I'm a man of few words' and then sitting down

    - don't start with 'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

    - look at everyone in the room, not notes or the tablecloth

    - write some notes and practice beforehand. If you can appear as if you are extemporising, so much the better

    - avoid 'in' jokes that only apply to a few people there

    - don't insult anyone, even if in jest (except Bliar, of course)

    - if you aren't nominated, remember it for next time!
  5. cpunk

    cpunk LE Moderator

    It's never a good idea to take out your penis to illustrate a point, nor to suggest that the Senior Officer Present's wife looks like a 'gipping, syphilitic, amateur hooker after an unfortunate collision with a threshing machine'.

    I hope that helps.
  6. Yeap - pearls of wisdom.....

    the only snag is - the unlucky blighter will be jiffed on the night and there will be a "topic" thrust upon the poor sod, meaning prior preperation is gone and i am scared only P1ss poor performance will remain.

    Duty rumour is - the candidate(s) will be about to give thier speach when they get whisper of a plot to over throw them as the CO of a unit from the XO and Unit Chairman (one senario mentioned - others on the cards)

    so appart from NOT knocking ten bells of snot out the XO and UMC Chair - i have to remember to not whip the old lad out or insult the CO's wife? and getting blind drunk and nose diving the table is always a winner - extra points for blood - more so if its my own?

    Rincewind :)