Help needed in writing a chapter of my book.

The Turk is driving along in a blacked out Range Rover with two other big lads. They all look moody as **** and are smartly dressed. The Turk looks stereotypically Mediterranean, with a leather jacket, some bling jewellery and too much hair gel.

I know you can't smell movie scenes, but if you could it would reek of aftershave and stale fag smoke.

A young lad is walking down the street. The Turk nods and the meat heads in the back jump out of the Range Rover, grabbing the lad and bundling him into the back.

Meat head 1: "Mr Spall would like a word with you son."
to save a bit of money, have you thought about some 'less employed' tv types, Clarkson could be the turk and his two sidekicks easily played by Hammond and May. Its not like they are up to much so I bet would be a bargain price.
 
I'd have the character as an alcoholic ex-ACF 'stay-behind death squad' instructor-turned-ninja monk, who runs an international mercenary training agency and who lives in a romantic Irish castle that's disguised as a surburban semi in Crawley.

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I feel that I'm the only one taking this thread seriously.
 

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to save a bit of money, have you thought about some 'less employed' tv types, Clarkson could be the turk and his two sidekicks easily played by Hammond and May. Its not like they are up to much so I bet would be a bargain price.
I'm sure we could fit them in somewhere, but not in this scene. The Turk and his mates need to be massive scary looking ******* with gold sovs etc.

Boys like this:

Screen Shot 2015-07-12 at 17.22.24.png
 

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Clarkson might be good as the chief of police. I can imagine him properly kicking off at Jack in an expletive filled monologue that contains a load of classic Clarkson catchphrases.

"When we catch Spall it'll be like licking honey off Kiera Knightley's arse."

"He's the best sniper .....'in the world."

"The baby jesus won't be happy."

etc.

The other two gimps can be a slapstick comedy duo of good cop bad cop types who always manage to **** things up and set fire to police cars and stuff.
 
Ex Them but came from RGJ's therefore pretty scruffy gets dropped after being seen to have poor dress standards and too small to get a leg up to the balcony of the boat house. Joins the met and is doing crowd control at the Arsenal in around the 1997/8 season when he notices the young Bin ladin singing death to the infadel to the tune of one nil to the Arsenal. His suspicions are aroused at the end of the league cup semi second leg when the gunnars are knocked out by Chelsea on agg 4-3 and ladin placed a fatwa on the Wembley twin towers. several million dollars later the wrong twin towers get hit.

True story
 
I'm sure we could fit them in somewhere, but not in this scene. The Turk and his mates need to be massive scary looking ******* with gold sovs etc.

Boys like this:

View attachment 209326
well blow me daahhn if that weren't taken at a bleedin' East End Funeral.

Its a bit 'British Telecom' of yer, bein' all disrespectful and that.
 
The other two gimps can be a slapstick comedy duo of good cop bad cop types who always manage to **** things up and set fire to police cars and stuff.
and drop pianos on the occasional Morris Marina.
 
Or an 'ex-para' who biffs out of Phase 1, gets lampooned for faking commendations from generals, fails PCSO selection and ends up running the security gig in a shopping precinct in Hounslow with his underweight mate.

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Or an 'ex-para' who biffs out of Phase 1, gets lampooned for faking commendations from generals, fails PCSO selection and ends up running the security gig in a shopping precinct in Hounslow with his underweight mate.

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I'm shocked. That's plagiarism ;-)
 

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Jack pulls up alongside the Turk's Range Rover on his bike and revs the engine a few times to alert them of his presence.

The Turk: "Shit, it's Striker." (Striker is Jack's surname).

The Turk and his mates start shooting at Jack with Uzis and a massive car / bike chase ensues across London. To make it more authentic you can hear French two tone Police car sirens. (Car chases are always better when the Police cars have those French sirens.)

All the usual cool car chase stuff happens, like smashing up a fruit stall at a market and driving through some blokes who are carrying a big piece of glass. There are lots of jumps and driving down stairs, also a bit where they are going up a multi storey car park. Millions of pounds worth of vehicles and property is destroyed and thousands of rounds of ammo are expended.

Throughout the chase Jack somehow manages to continuously fire and reload his gun, ride his motorcycle and not get shot.

Eventually Jack's bike runs out of fuel and the Turk and his mates get away but the Range Rover is properly smashed up.

Jack punches the fuel gauge on his bike in frustration and loudly shouts "**** it!"

A small kid stares at Jack in disbelief and amazement at the carnage he has witnessed.

Jack turns to the kid and says:

"Stay in school."

At this point I think it'd be cool if Jack spoke like Christian Bale in Batman.
 
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lumpy2

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I have a book?

Ah, you mean this one:



Yes, yes, I know......................

I like to think of it as a "coffee table book".




It comes in handy for propping up the wonky leg x
 

jarrod248

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I'll be needed for the film I'll get toned up a bit and use a stunt double for the meaty pleaser shots.
He'll have a sex addiction to barely legal teenage boys and thrust himself in them at any opportunity. I don't mind doing the graft for them bits.
 

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Jack pulls up alongside the Turk's Range Rover on his bike and revs the engine a few times to alert them of his presence.

The Turk: "Shit, it's Striker." (Striker is Jack's surname).

The Turk and his mates start shooting at Jack with Uzis and a massive car / bike chase ensues across London. To make it more authentic you can hear French two tone Police car sirens. (Car chases are always better when the Police cars have those French sirens.)

All the usual cool car chase stuff happens, like smashing up a fruit stall at a market and driving through some blokes who are carrying a big piece of glass. There are lots of jumps and driving down stairs, also a bit where they are going up a multi storey car park. Millions of pounds worth of vehicles and property is destroyed and thousands of rounds of ammo are expended.

Throughout the chase Jack somehow manages to continuously fire and reload his gun, ride his motorcycle and not get shot.

Eventually Jack's bike runs out of fuel and the Turk and his mates get away but the Range Rover is properly smashed up.

Jack punches the fuel gauge on his bike in frustration and loudly shouts "**** it!"

A small kid stares at Jack in disbelief and amazement at the carnage he has witnessed.

Jack turns to the kid and says:

"Stay in school."

At this point I think it'd be cool if Jack spoke like Christian Bale in Batman.
Admit it, you've just watched Ronin haven't you?
 
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lumpy2

Guest
Jack pulls up alongside the Turk's Range Rover on his bike and revs the engine a few times to alert them of his presence.

The Turk: "Shit, it's Striker." (Striker is Jack's surname).

The Turk and his mates start shooting at Jack with Uzis and a massive car / bike chase ensues across London. To make it more authentic you can hear French two tone Police car sirens. (Car chases are always better when the Police cars have those French sirens.)

All the usual cool car chase stuff happens, like smashing up a fruit stall at a market and driving through some blokes who are carrying a big piece of glass. There are lots of jumps and driving down stairs, also a bit where they are going up a multi storey car park. Millions of pounds worth of vehicles and property is destroyed and thousands of rounds of ammo are expended.

Throughout the chase Jack somehow manages to continuously fire and reload his gun, ride his motorcycle and not get shot.

Eventually Jack's bike runs out of fuel and the Turk and his mates get away but the Range Rover is properly smashed up.

Jack punches the fuel gauge on his bike in frustration and loudly shouts "**** it!"

A small kid stares at Jack in disbelief and amazement at the carnage he has witnessed.

Jack turns to the kid and says:

"Stay in school."

At this point I think it'd be cool if Jack spoke like Christian Bale in Batman.

Don't forget Jack's superhuman ability to punch out three blokes at once whilst mortally wounded.
 

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It now cuts back to the warehouse. Timothy Spall is sat in his chair while the Turk and the boys go to town on the two brothers. As he starts to pull out the younger lad's teeth, the older one starts to speak:

"OK, I'll talk, I'll talk. The money is in a safety deposit box in town. That's all I know. Please don't hurt my brother.................Bill Nighy (why the **** not, he'd be a mega Gangster?) keeps the key behind a painting in his bedroom. You'll never get it off him. He's got that gaff totally secure and patrolled by ex SAS blokes."

Timothy Spall spins round on his chair to face the guys:

"Now that wasn't too hard was it now?"

He nods to the Turk who then strangles the lads. As their bodies lie limp in the chairs, the Turk is slightly out of breath.

Timothy Spall: "You did a good job today boys, well done. Now get rid of these two (gesturing towards the bodies) and we'll go and find Bill Nighy. We'll worry about Striker later.
 

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That evening we see Jack sat in a bar getting smashed alone. It's clear he has some demons in his past and he needs to drink to keep them at bay. Also he's ex navy so it comes with the job.

On a TV screen in the bar a newsreader is retelling the carnage from earlier in the day showing footage of the car chase and some of the smashed up cars. Despite the film being set in London, the newsreader is American and it's Fox news.

Newsreader: "Authorities are still none the wiser as to who was involved in today's gunfight and police commissioner Jeremy Clarkson refuses to talk to the press."

Clarkson (on the telly walking quickly into Scotland Yard while chased by reporters): "No comment."
 

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