Help me, Im watching Celebrity Love Island too much.

My life is collapsing. I used to enjoy a good book and maybe some intelligent conversation but now I find myself chatting to the missus about how likely it is that Lee Sharpe will bone Abi Titmuss on the telly tonight. Things really are bad, as I was the sort of aspiring, amost-middle-class snob that thought reality TV really was symptomatic of the cultural barbarians at the gates (etc).

Is it the natural, wittily unscripted exchanges between (the admittedly lovely-to-look-at) Kelly Brook and that annoying Ulsterman? Is it my unhealthy interest in Abi's double-chin and my desire to smurf it repeatedly? Is it my fascination with Rebecca Loos' face, which looks like a drunken nutter has gone garratty on it with a shovel?

It must certainly have something to do with the antics of some complete "X" list mong called Paul (whom I had never heard of) who behaves like an acid-fuelled chav with ten pints of the numbers on board let loose on Guildford high Street of a Saturday night.

Celebrity Love Island is like a really strange but strangely comforting screensaver that floats by on the telly for half an hour every night. I think it's the acme of early 21st Century cultural achievement; our very own entertainment Weimar. And Abi's slight beergut makes me ridiculously excited.

So, is anybody else enjoying this little guilty pleasure as much as I am? And, more importantly, which two of the slightly-rough-around-the-edges chicks in there would you like to see together with a litre of vaseline and a marrow?

My name is IdleAdjt and I have a Celebrity Love Island problem. I've been watching it on/off for about two weeks now after my chick kept going on about it. I too know I should hate everything about it. A bunch of 6th grade celebs who have achieved next top nothing all getting a free beano in the sun. I have developed an unhealth desire to rattle that air-headed socialite Isobella Hervey
Idle Adjt, I too share that desire to slip the innocoent looking posh crumpet a length of hose.

I live in hope that Sharpe drags paul off camera and smytes him a teeth loosening blow.

Rebecca Loos really does have a tremoendous set of top bollox but her face is like Nikki Lauders....... some cnut set fire to her top lip
I'm glad others are suffering too. Young Lady Isabella in her St. Trinian's outfit made me want to, literally, weep with lust (or maybe it was my hernia). Like many lowly-born oiks, I fancy posh birds something rotten.

I think Rebecca Loos with a paper bag on her head would be an interesting fetish-orientated shag, though.

I am glad to see I am not the only one with a thing about Abi, I keep hoping that her and loos will double team the posh totty.

I wonder if it is timusses sluttness that does it?
I share your sense of shame, that program is like an RTA, gruesome to behold but still somehow fascinating. The only way I can bring myself to watch it though, is with the sound off, and in very small doses.
The Loos(e) woman just doesn't do it for me though, if she is prepared to bring off a pig in front of millions, what does she get up to in private? stirring dobbins porridge really isnt my thing.
Is it just me, or does Abi Titmuss look slightly retarded? theres definitely a hint of mong about her, and the thought of banging a creature with less chromosones than a bar stool puts me right off.
Nah, Janes the one for me, I woudnt miss her middle thats for sure. I'm even prepared to forgive her Geordiness and everyone knows that brunettes always feel that they have to catch up with blondes, so they try harder.
essexbob said:
I wonder if it is timusses sluttness that does it?
Abso-fcuking-lutely! You just know she is going to be dirtier than your wildest dreams, and that has an awful lot going for it. Just look on the internet for her gentleman's interest video...

Who cares if she has a bit of a beer gut when she's riding you like she's Princess Anne at the Olympics! :D :D
As many others I can blame the frau for introducing me to this fly on the wall pap and now look in on a regular basis. Chicks are interesting but I am really waiting for someone to give the Paul non-entity some drink again so he can be pummelled when acting the complete arrse.

If he got into my 'personal' space the way he has done with some of the folk on the show he would now need something else to hold the ciggies that he frequently holds between his teeth to look hard. Total bully with the chicks and reckon the Irish haircut will do him in due course.

Annoyingly he is the one that all will want to appear in chav weekly when they get out and will therefore make the proverbial mint. Much prefer to read the headlines:

Traffic comes to a halt as hard barstewards queue to fill in chav love island celeb.


Kit Reviewer
<Closet door creeks open>

Hello, it's fcuking great to come out :eek: I too am free to shout from the cellar that I WATCH CELEB ISLAND. Sadly, the tissues have not been used as my wife-to-be, Abi :twisted: has not done what she promised me she would do in the dream I had the other night.

The cockey dwarf indeed needed his lights punching, though he reminds me very much of an Irish RCT DVR, let loose in the red light district in Flemsburg on RR from Lionheart.


Kit Reviewer
Murielson said:
Lionheart? - Old git.
Thanks M, you just know how to make my day!

:( :( I shall just have to go and have a quick wnak to get over that snipe thinking of Abi's shaved front bottom :p :p
Cultural studies professors will no doubt, as I write, be writing lengthy dissertations on the significance of Abi Titmuss as a sexual icon.

As others have pointed out, her sparkling performance on the notorious John Leslie video gives a bit of a clue. Furthermore, she indeed has that magnetic sluttiness about her. If she worked in your office you'd never get any work done, would you? You'd be trying to look down her blouse and counting off the days to the Christmas party.

Mind you, it's a toss-up (I wish) between her and Posh Isobella at the minute. Hmmm. Bugger it, I'll take them both.


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