Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by tomthetinker, Jul 7, 2009.

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  1. Right, there's a pack of cnuts living near me. An indeterminate number of young blokes of the studenty persuasion are sharing a house. I'm not sure how many there are as there is a lot of coming and going, usually in the early hours of the morning. These cnuts make a lot of noise in the street and play loud music at various times during the day and night.

    If they were lumpen chav scum I would already be arranging to communicate with them in the only language they understand, but I suspect that they are not really bad lads. What they are is young and thoughtless and a bit selfish; middle class kids whose childhood is being extended into their twenties by gap years and Uni.

    I can pick up the phone and arrange for a car load of thugs to go round and intimidate them, or even ambush them myself, but I prefer to save that as an absolute last resort. Politely asking them to be quiet is pointless as any good resolutions they might have will be forgotten an hour later.

    One of them left a mountain bike chained up outside last night, I have just smeared anti climb paint over the seat and pedals. :twisted:
    Its black and very sticky and I doubt if he'll see it before he sits on it. He won't get it out of his keks and will look like he shat himself.

    I've a funny feeling that their wheelie bin will catch fire tonight and their locks may also be superglued. If I can find a convenient water source I might run a garden hose through their letterbox.

    My intention is to systematically harass these cnuts until they change their ways or fcuk off. Everything I do must be unattributable to me and, at this stage at least, any violence must be against property only.

    All ideas welcome; especially funny, depraved or bizarre ones. :twisted: :D :twisted:
  2. an ex stab assualt pioneer got done for used a home made claymore mine in a border dispute with his neighbor :roll:
  3. Lots of comings and goings? Report to the plod that there is a drugs den nearby, then settle at the window for some early morning fun.

    Araldite the doorlocks from the outside while they're all out.

    Play Agadoo on high volume, on repeat while you take a weekend away, speakers against the party wall if they live next door.
  4. Unwise to get directly involved in harassment. I had one such. I arranged for every skip hire company to deliver the largest skip they had. Ten of these on the doorstep is very annoying. Then there were pizza deliveries. Taxis. Double glaziers. The bloke I had the problem worked and his wife received much of the aggro so he had to deal with her when he got home. He put his house up for sale after 2 weeks of my actions and we thereafter had superb neighbours. There is no need to suffer all the while one has a phone and Yellow Pages.
  5. fish paste into the air bricks on the external walls - does wonders for the internal air quality! :twisted:
  6. Proceed with caution, all it takes is one sly little bugger with a camcorder if they smell a (fishy) rat and he may capture some of your 'antics', and it won't be YBF that gets the tape.

    Do you want dealings with Plod over a few scrotty students?
  7. Grownup_Rafbrat

    Grownup_Rafbrat LE Book Reviewer Good Egg (charities)

    Thing is, how will they know what's annoying you and what you want them to change, unless you tell them?

    I agree that they'll make promises and forget them (I have a student son at the moment) but you do need to let them know that they are unpleasant neighbours and what boundaries you want them to set.

    If they don't conform after that, try the landlord. There's bound to be some clauses in the lease related to consideration for neighbours if the house is University-approved, and I think they ALL have to be University-approved these days.

    Failing that - noise retaliation with 'Agadoo' at 7 a.m. as you go out to work is your only option!
  8. Horse, or even better/worse (depends if you are receiving it or not) pig manure deliveries are (allegedly) rather irritating.
  9. Raw prawns - allegedly - stink for ages :wink:
  10. I thought about using these tactics - and might yet do so - but I am reluctant to cause aggro and expense to people who have done me no wrong. The last thing somebody running a small skip or mini cab business needs is to waste time and fuel turning up to a nonjob.

    Thing is, how will they know what's annoying you and what you want them to change, unless you tell them?

    Other more timid neighbours have tried reasoning with them. They know they are doing wrong but can't - or won't - behave considerately. A few beers and they are back in playgroup. :x
  11. Do they live at 54 Berners Street, by any chance ?.

    Nowadays these dignitaries & noteables would be visiting 10 Downing Street, home of a modern day hoaxer who has convinced himself that he is wanted.
  12. Join em, get your whinging derriere round there with a crate of aunty, a bottle of JD and your friendly head on.
    You never know you might end up waking up under a pile of coats with a 1st year's battered fanny resting on your thigh
  13. If they have a car, blend up a couple of cans of Tuna or even cat food and insert into vehicle, especially air intakes or open windows, with weather like this the stench will last forever, whether they clean it or not. Cut off the tyre valves in two opposite corners. Alternatively drill a tiny tiny hole into wheel rim whch makes the tyre deflate after about three days. No matter how many times they take the wheel to the garage no obvious puncture will found but i suspect that the tyre people know what has happened and think that you must be **** for some reason and will be happy to repeatedly take their money.
    As someone has mentioned on here before why not drive a needle/pin into their Sky /Vrigin cable.
    Fill their exhaust pipe with expanding foam, get a beer can, fill it with brake fluid or paintstripper put a tiny pin sized hole in the base about five CM from the bottom, cover with electrical tape and the ring pull hole, walk past car at last light remove tape if you require immediate effect or leave tape to dissolve, gently place on roof, walk away.
    Place six inch nails against tyres in each direction forward or reverse motion punctures all four tyres which will take about a day to remove and repair, back to the tyre man who will by now know something is up.
    3 am superglue and tape doorbell, intercept their mail and open a bank account or milk round account in their name.
    Order pizza,Chinese, indian etc on Saturday night to arrive at the same time.
    Place a scaffold board against their front door, when they open it smack, broken face.Paint their windows with gloss paint so they cannot see out when they wake up and or pour it on their roof tiles, choose your colours wisely.
    Get their telephone number and print up some Taxi ads, place near pubs clubs and state half price after midnight.
    Superglue all door locks wiper blades open garden taps and glue.
    Collect up all your friends unused sun tan lotion mix together into garden sprayer write rude words into grass or use weed killer.
    Scotch brite their double glazed glass or car windows alternatively use sandpaper.
    Plug garden gate lock into car battery, wire co2 fire exhtinguisher into letter box when you open the door..........
    Fill car exhaust pipe with fullers earth, makes your car look like it's on fire, fill exhaust with fireworks which will ignite at right temperature.
    When they go on holiday stuff fish into letter box and wedge open with rolled newspaper, stuff a magazine into their toaster and stand back, open main if you are really angry.

    Just a start.

  14. Unfortunately they may not connect the annoying pranks with their behaviour so even though p!ssed off with paint/glue attacks may not adjust their behaviour accordingly. I agree with G_R. First you need to confront them firmly (unlike your more timid neighbours) and warn them that if they do not desist then you will be complain to the landlord. You can also then complain to the council who will come and record noise levels/behaviour ... and yes, most councils do take this very seriously.

    Failing that, and seeing it's the NAAFI, I can solve your problem with the application of some very loud and sudden noise :wink: