HELP, man flu!

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by bawbag, Jul 14, 2007.

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  1. Chosen men! Can somebody please help me? I've fallen foul of the dreaded man 'flu & I need help. What's the perfect recipe for a hot toddy? I've tried half a cup of Earl Grey, half a cup of bells & a spoon of honey but I still feel like sh*te! Any suggestions gratefully recieved. :dead:
  2. A bottle of jack daniels will do the job.
  3. I'm a jock, I can't stand that yank pish!
  4. Schaden

    Schaden LE Book Reviewer

    Something called Night Nurse - made by GSK - get the night formula one, also get a nasal decongestant - both otc from Boots.

    Stand next to bed

    Prepare Night Nurse Dosage

    Get out decongestant pills

    Drink half a liter of orange juice - keep other half liter near bed when you wake up gasping for a drink

    Prepare a small Whiskey

    Drink Night Nurse, Decongestants, Whiskey in your order of preference. Be quick about it though this stuff doesn't waste time.

    Fall unconcious into bed for 8 hours and sleep like a baby.

    Wake up in the morning feeling fantastic, have some orange juice and decongestant till you stop sniffiling.

    Repeat the next night if necessary.

    Point out to any female family members and co-workers your amazing ability to recover from deadly disease without going to the doctor.
  5. There is absolutely nothing you can do, I'm sorry but your done for.
    Maybe funeral arrangements will be appropriate.
  6. Anti-histamine such as Piriton combined with normal dose of Paracetomol also guarantees a ten hour zonk. However, for the traditionalist approach:

    Large mug (pint glass if your liver has a few more miles left on it)

    Sugar/honey/good splosh of lemon juice/cloves if you've got them/cinnamon if feeling girly. Real hardcore toddy users might add a smidge of chilli.

    Add boiling water to 2/3 full.

    Top off with whisky (nothing more expensive than Supermarket, though).

    Best prescription is a hot bath with something like vicks bath gunk in it, then get a pair of trackies and a sweatshirt on, wrap yourself in the duvet so you don't kick it off during the night, and neck the toddy. You'll be zonked for hours, sweating like Mr Glitter in PC World and will wake up with the nasties sweated out of you and a mouth like a budgies cage.

    If it doesn't work, repeat until better or dead.

    The only danger is you might end up liking the stuff, but better that than J-D! Septic pish.
  7. Lemsip with honey, a shot of whisky and a small whisky chaser has always worked for me. Puts me out like a light and I wake up feeling massively better. A little Olbas oil to sniff keeps my nose open as well.

    A good spicy drink is sherry with a few birdseye chillis in it. Leave them to soak overnight and you'll have a great decongestant. Never tried it with whisky (religious reasons, obviously) but the theory is the same.
  8. Oh god you sniffed once didnt you bawbag, typical man one sniff one sneeze and thats it he's dying....
  9. Because if a man sneezes, it's something serious. We don't start dripping and sniffling at the drop of a pollen bud, like the fragile sex. We manfully fight it until Last Safe Moment and only succumb to superior forces.
  10. Schaden

    Schaden LE Book Reviewer

    Oh and pay no attention to wimmen making sarky comments in your time of illness...
  11. Rubbish a man sneezes and he takes to his bed for a week expecting sympathy, lemsip, the tv remote, peace and quiet. Anyone else gets sick and its stop whinging there is nothing wrong with you...
  12. Allow me to stop you there. The male reaction to man flu and the female reaction to a slight cold are as a result of conditioning. Take you're average women, at no point in her life is there not something wrong with her, she is predisposed to being bloody ill, as a result when she gets a cold it is situation normal, she's ill....... again. Now men on the other hand spend most of their time not being ill as a result when a dangerous condition such as man flu aflicts them they feel the full force of it's evil grip without the benefit of conditioning.

    So there you have it, stop being an evil hag and give the guy some sympathy...... :wink:
  13. Sympathy, ok here is a paracetamol now get on with the ironing, oh and the kitchen floor needs washed.
  14. What you need is to make love

    Then get your Mrs to give you TLC ,Paracetamol and tuck you up in bed you will feel a lot better to morrow
  15. hot toddy is hot milk and a couple of drops of whisky go to bed and sweat it out :p