• ARRSE have partnered with Armadillo Merino to bring you an ARRSE exclusive, generous discount offer on their full price range.
    To keep you warm with the best of Merino gear, visit www.armadillomerino.co.uk and use the code: NEWARRSE40 at the checkout to get 40% off!
    This superb deal has been generously offered to us by Armadillo Merino and is valid until midnight on the the 28th of February.

HELP, man flu!

Chosen men! Can somebody please help me? I've fallen foul of the dreaded man 'flu & I need help. What's the perfect recipe for a hot toddy? I've tried half a cup of Earl Grey, half a cup of bells & a spoon of honey but I still feel like sh*te! Any suggestions gratefully recieved. :dead:


Book Reviewer
Something called Night Nurse - made by GSK - get the night formula one, also get a nasal decongestant - both otc from Boots.

Stand next to bed

Prepare Night Nurse Dosage

Get out decongestant pills

Drink half a liter of orange juice - keep other half liter near bed when you wake up gasping for a drink

Prepare a small Whiskey

Drink Night Nurse, Decongestants, Whiskey in your order of preference. Be quick about it though this stuff doesn't waste time.

Fall unconcious into bed for 8 hours and sleep like a baby.

Wake up in the morning feeling fantastic, have some orange juice and decongestant till you stop sniffiling.

Repeat the next night if necessary.

Point out to any female family members and co-workers your amazing ability to recover from deadly disease without going to the doctor.
Anti-histamine such as Piriton combined with normal dose of Paracetomol also guarantees a ten hour zonk. However, for the traditionalist approach:

Large mug (pint glass if your liver has a few more miles left on it)

Sugar/honey/good splosh of lemon juice/cloves if you've got them/cinnamon if feeling girly. Real hardcore toddy users might add a smidge of chilli.

Add boiling water to 2/3 full.

Top off with whisky (nothing more expensive than Supermarket, though).

Best prescription is a hot bath with something like vicks bath gunk in it, then get a pair of trackies and a sweatshirt on, wrap yourself in the duvet so you don't kick it off during the night, and neck the toddy. You'll be zonked for hours, sweating like Mr Glitter in PC World and will wake up with the nasties sweated out of you and a mouth like a budgies cage.

If it doesn't work, repeat until better or dead.

The only danger is you might end up liking the stuff, but better that than J-D! Septic pish.
Lemsip with honey, a shot of whisky and a small whisky chaser has always worked for me. Puts me out like a light and I wake up feeling massively better. A little Olbas oil to sniff keeps my nose open as well.

A good spicy drink is sherry with a few birdseye chillis in it. Leave them to soak overnight and you'll have a great decongestant. Never tried it with whisky (religious reasons, obviously) but the theory is the same.
scotlass said:
Oh god you sniffed once didnt you bawbag, typical man one sniff one sneeze and thats it he's dying....
Because if a man sneezes, it's something serious. We don't start dripping and sniffling at the drop of a pollen bud, like the fragile sex. We manfully fight it until Last Safe Moment and only succumb to superior forces.
Rubbish a man sneezes and he takes to his bed for a week expecting sympathy, lemsip, the tv remote, peace and quiet. Anyone else gets sick and its stop whinging there is nothing wrong with you...
scotlass said:
Oh god you sniffed once didnt you bawbag, typical man one sniff one sneeze and thats it he's dying....
Allow me to stop you there. The male reaction to man flu and the female reaction to a slight cold are as a result of conditioning. Take you're average women, at no point in her life is there not something wrong with her, she is predisposed to being bloody ill, as a result when she gets a cold it is situation normal, she's ill....... again. Now men on the other hand spend most of their time not being ill as a result when a dangerous condition such as man flu aflicts them they feel the full force of it's evil grip without the benefit of conditioning.

So there you have it, stop being an evil hag and give the guy some sympathy...... :wink:
scotlass said:
Sympathy, ok here is a paracetamol now get on with the ironing, oh and the kitchen floor needs washed.
Scotlass I really do not think bawbag is in a condition to do the kitchen floors and the ironing. Sounds to me like he is knocking on death's door. Hang in there bawbag - you will pull through it all with the right attitude.
If you follow all of the sound (and unsound) advice above your manflu will last about a week.

Otherwise, about 7 days.

Seriously though stay off the booze. Dilates blood vessels and thus can make your nasal congestion feel worse!
scotlass said:
Oh god you sniffed once didnt you bawbag, typical man one sniff one sneeze and thats it he's dying....
Oi woman!! dont comment on what you dont understand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you'll be telling us child birth is painful next............... :wink:

Best Cure for that is Warm up 1 ltr of Orange and prune juice 1/4 pint of whiskey, drink..........await!!!!! sit on the sh1ter........no virus can hang on for that kind of ride......... :idea:

Latest Threads

New Posts