help im becoming american

#1
Please help as i find myself getting older i seem to be turning into a septic.
Middle aged spread has turned me fat, my brainpower is fading making me dumb , and as i age i'm becoming more obnoxious. all i'm missing is a tendancy to bother god and a pistol. How can i reverse this process?.


there is no hope :D hooped. mk
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#3
Wear a beret, smell of garlic, carry a string of onions around your neck and listen to Sacha Distel.

It should have the desired effect.
 
#4
old_fat_and_hairy said:
Wear a beret, smell of garlic, carry a string of onions around your neck and listen to Sacha Distel.

It should have the desired effect.
Case of the cure being worse than the disease...
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#5
_Artemis_ said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
Wear a beret, smell of garlic, carry a string of onions around your neck and listen to Sacha Distel.

It should have the desired effect.
Case of the cure being worse than the disease...
No, a fiendish plan. One would cancel out the other, then cleanse and renew. Give one the chance to revert to pinstripe suits, rolled umbrella and bowler hat once more.


Or tracksuit and trainers, stained with odd looking colours. Much more British.

Then yo, Artemis, could begin the debrief.
 
#6
old_fat_and_hairy said:
_Artemis_ said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
Wear a beret, smell of garlic, carry a string of onions around your neck and listen to Sacha Distel.

It should have the desired effect.
Case of the cure being worse than the disease...
No, a fiendish plan. One would cancel out the other, then cleanse and renew. Give one the chance to revert to pinstripe suits, rolled umbrella and bowler hat once more.


Or tracksuit and trainers, stained with odd looking colours. Much more British.

Then yo, Artemis, could begin the debrief.
Clearly the Americanization is contagious!
 
#7
burnt-or-buggered said:
Please help as i find myself getting older i seem to be turning into a septic.
Middle aged spread has turned me fat, my brainpower is fading making me dumb , and as i age i'm becoming more obnoxious. all i'm missing is a tendancy to bother god and a pistol. How can i reverse this process?.
There is only one thing you can do. Buy a quality shot gun and unload both barrels into your own face.

I know it sounds harsh but it's the only known cure for being a septic.
 
#8
there is no way on earth i would pretend to be french, and even on a temporary basis the smell would cling
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#9
_Artemis_ said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
_Artemis_ said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
Wear a beret, smell of garlic, carry a string of onions around your neck and listen to Sacha Distel.

It should have the desired effect.
Case of the cure being worse than the disease...
No, a fiendish plan. One would cancel out the other, then cleanse and renew. Give one the chance to revert to pinstripe suits, rolled umbrella and bowler hat once more.


Or tracksuit and trainers, stained with odd looking colours. Much more British.

Then yo, Artemis, could begin the debrief.
Clearly the Americanization is contagious!
Slap on wrist accepted with good grace. Only reason for mistake would be my eagerness to reply to you. That is naturally cause for nervousness.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#10
burnt-or-buggered said:
there is no way on earth i would pretend to be french, and even on a temporary basis the smell would cling
Ok, forget the garlic, pretend to be Belgian. Smell of beer and chocolate. ot a bad combination.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#11
Pretend you're Canadian. Its a popular move among Septics abroad.

Want to buy some submarines?
 
#13
burnt-or-buggered said:
Please help as i find myself getting older i seem to be turning into a septic.
Middle aged spread has turned me fat, my brainpower is fading making me dumb , and as i age i'm becoming more obnoxious. all i'm missing is a tendancy to bother god and a pistol. How can i reverse this process?.
Use a Blunt Spoon and remove your tongue :) at least you will no longer talk septic pish.
The use of garlic is recommended by those who have lived in the tropics with lashings of gin and tonic ;)
 
#15
Hang on a minute, I want to see prisoners working in chain gangs on the highway, life means life (including 3 strikes and out), execution for murderers, hate the French, have pride in my country and it's servicemen/ women...... does that mean I am becoming a septic too?
 
#16
<<<< wear these and all your problems will be solved! :D
 
#17
Ways to reverse the creeping Americanism:

Learn to spell
Avoid meat unless you know which animal and part thereof it came from.
View firearms as a tool and not a political statement
Stop using synthetic cheese as a condiment
Discover the meaning of 'irony'
Go on an AFV recognition course.

Take twice a day for two weeks and call me if the symptoms persist.
 

Schaden

LE
Book Reviewer
#19
762baynet said:
Hang on a minute, I want to see prisoners working in chain gangs on the highway, life means life (including 3 strikes and out), execution for murderers, hate the French, have pride in my country and it's servicemen/ women...... does that mean I am becoming a septic too?
no but 1953 called and wants you back, it's all forgiven apparently.....
 
#20
762baynet said:
Hang on a minute, I want to see prisoners working in chain gangs on the highway, life means life (including 3 strikes and out), execution for murderers, hate the French, have pride in my country and it's servicemen/ women...... does that mean I am becoming a septic too?
That sounds terribly British, ectually. A couple of foreign imports in your thinking that are, really, a reversion to the "good old days". Transportation for offenders, anyone?

Good show, old chap! :thumleft:
 

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