help im becoming american

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by burnt-or-buggered, May 31, 2007.

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  1. Please help as i find myself getting older i seem to be turning into a septic.
    Middle aged spread has turned me fat, my brainpower is fading making me dumb , and as i age i'm becoming more obnoxious. all i'm missing is a tendancy to bother god and a pistol. How can i reverse this process?.

    there is no hope :D hooped. mk
  2. Stop talking bollocks maybe?
  3. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Wear a beret, smell of garlic, carry a string of onions around your neck and listen to Sacha Distel.

    It should have the desired effect.
  4. Case of the cure being worse than the disease...
  5. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    No, a fiendish plan. One would cancel out the other, then cleanse and renew. Give one the chance to revert to pinstripe suits, rolled umbrella and bowler hat once more.

    Or tracksuit and trainers, stained with odd looking colours. Much more British.

    Then yo, Artemis, could begin the debrief.
  6. Clearly the Americanization is contagious!
  7. There is only one thing you can do. Buy a quality shot gun and unload both barrels into your own face.

    I know it sounds harsh but it's the only known cure for being a septic.
  8. there is no way on earth i would pretend to be french, and even on a temporary basis the smell would cling
  9. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Slap on wrist accepted with good grace. Only reason for mistake would be my eagerness to reply to you. That is naturally cause for nervousness.
  10. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Ok, forget the garlic, pretend to be Belgian. Smell of beer and chocolate. ot a bad combination.
  11. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Pretend you're Canadian. Its a popular move among Septics abroad.

    Want to buy some submarines?
  12. Eat well, face reality, get a sense of humor and yes, stop talking bollox.
  13. Use a Blunt Spoon and remove your tongue :) at least you will no longer talk septic pish.
    The use of garlic is recommended by those who have lived in the tropics with lashings of gin and tonic ;)
  14. Bouillabaisse

    Bouillabaisse LE Book Reviewer

    One careful lady owner, low mileage. Any colour as long as its black.
  15. Hang on a minute, I want to see prisoners working in chain gangs on the highway, life means life (including 3 strikes and out), execution for murderers, hate the French, have pride in my country and it's servicemen/ women...... does that mean I am becoming a septic too?