Heightned Threat Levels!!!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by chamooooone, Jan 29, 2010.

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  1. From the USA:

    In response to recent terrorist activities, America has raised her threat level on international flights from "Elevated" to "High." Our allies have made similar elevations of their respective threat levels.

    The English have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great London fire of 1666.

    The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The security level rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

    It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

    The Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday, as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!” Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "We hope Australia will rescue us".

    Canada has set its security level at "drink more beer". There are no other levels in Canada.

    Australia has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

    C
     
  2. Rather good, but why all this bloody copy pastage all the time
     
  3. I know, my apologies, I received it in an email today, thought it was worth a post

    C
     
  4. Been done before, but the "Scottish Threat Levels" did make I larf. :D :lol:
     
  5. Despite having been done before there were a couple in there I'd not seen and must have been added for this new round of e-mails!
     
  6. Add to the Australian one;

    'Paint face green and gold', and, if really serious;

    'Get pissed and get a Southern Cross tattoo from functionally illiterate Fijiian'
     
  7. Have seen a number of versions. This is the best so far.