Have you got what it takes?

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Blogg, Sep 6, 2007.

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  1. The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether or not you are going to make it in the Management Consulting game. Scroll down for each answer.

    The questions are NOT that difficult.

    But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question!

    1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

    The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you plan to do simple things for Phase 1 in a vastly over complicated way.

    2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

    Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the door?

    Wrong Answer.

    Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the possible repercussions of your previous unsound actions based on vastly over complicated planning for Phase 1 on the next stage of the project

    3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which animal does not attend?

    Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator: you just put him in there, idiot.

    This tests not your memory but your abilty to blank out the dreadful consequences your previous unsound actions based on the vastly over complicated planning for Phase 1, the consequent disasters in Phase 2 and deny all responsibily for the current state of affairs

    Even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

    4. There is a river you must cross. But it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

    Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across.

    Have you not been paying attention? All the crocodiles are attending the animal conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes or still manage to blot out critical facts in your attempts to blank out responsibilty for the dreadful cumulative consequences of your unsound actions based on the vastly over complicated and failed planning for Phase One, the resulting disaster in Phase Two, the unmitigated horror of Phase Three and the huge fees, post mortem results, empty desks and bloodstained carpets that are all that remains of Phase Four.

    90% of Management Consultants tested got all questions wrong, but many pre school age children got the correct answers. Many Management Consultants hold this to conclusively disprove the theory that they have the brains of a four-year-old.
  2. That's bollox. I've got a massive fridge and could easily get the huffalump and giraffe in at the same time.

    B'stards better not touch my beers though :threaten:
  3. The Lion King may well be holding a conference, but the rest of the animals are stuck in queues at Heathrow or stranded at Schipol by a Spanish air-controller's strike.

    Except the crocodiles who never left the river, 'coz they were too busy pining for Steve Irwin.
  4. How do you put beer in the fridge with all that livestock in there?