Am sat here, slightly bemused but at the same time chuckling at the actions of the last hour. It happened before, a couple of years ago, but tonight I have had to de-shit my own testes. At about 21:00 I started to prairie dog, the urge to pass a brown trout set about me with no notice, barely giving me time to get to the trumping pot. As my shreddies and shorts were still travelling floorwards, I'd hardly sat down when my anus exploded and fired orange broth in all directions. It stank immediately, like the scene from wild geese where they cyanide the sleeping Simba my nostrils filled with poo vapour making me feel more than nauseus. More worrying than the smell or the colouring of my honking waste was the sprinkiling that hit the back of my scrotum, and the undserside of my rod. When I crap I have to point my hampton at the bottom of the bowl, otherwise I end up pissing through the gap in the seat and porcelain, usually filling the back of my trousers with my own natural champagne. Not after tonight, there is nothing nice about removing your own diahorea from your own genitalia. Has anyone else shat on thier own bollocks?