Try as I might, to keep quiet about being ex military, there is always some inbred f#ckwit who will ask this question over a beer. My question is, how to deal with said imbeciles? A quick left hook is out of the question due to wanting to keep my liberty and having better things to do, on the other hand, a deep silence suggests waltish 'Thousand yard stare' behaviour. More annoying questions include; "What's the best rifle?" "Do you have nightmares?" "Why endanger your life for Tony Blair?" "Why would anyone join the army?" Is there a way to take the moral high ground without looking strange? The worst part being that after 6 years in a regiment that, apparently, has trouble with spelling tests I never actually had a round fired at me and the closest I got to being injured was having a bog seat hit the back of my helmet in Ballymurphy (Good shot, sort of frisbee effect). Does anyone have any set 'put-downs' for questions like these (Not bog seats) and it didn't even hurt. I'd like some sensible answers, although I have a funny feeling I won't get any.