Have you ever killed anyone?

#1
Try as I might, to keep quiet about being ex military, there is always some inbred f#ckwit who will ask this question over a beer. My question is, how to deal with said imbeciles?
A quick left hook is out of the question due to wanting to keep my liberty and having better things to do, on the other hand, a deep silence suggests waltish 'Thousand yard stare' behaviour.

More annoying questions include;
"What's the best rifle?"
"Do you have nightmares?"
"Why endanger your life for Tony Blair?"
"Why would anyone join the army?"

Is there a way to take the moral high ground without looking strange?

The worst part being that after 6 years in a regiment that, apparently, has trouble with spelling tests I never actually had a round fired at me and the closest I got to being injured was having a bog seat hit the back of my helmet in Ballymurphy (Good shot, sort of frisbee effect).

Does anyone have any set 'put-downs' for questions like these (Not bog seats) and it didn't even hurt. :D

I'd like some sensible answers, although I have a funny feeling I won't get any.
 
#3
Another good question every tw*t comes out with 'do you know john/taff/dave/andy/chris (delete as appropriate). How small do these people think the army is? Good question though howler. I shall watch with interest and then look forward to my next meeting with the duty nob.
 
#4
Howler said:
Try as I might, to keep quiet about being ex military, there is always some inbred f#ckwit who will ask this question over a beer. My question is, how to deal with said imbeciles?
A quick left hook is out of the question due to wanting to keep my liberty and having better things to do, on the other hand, a deep silence suggests waltish 'Thousand yard stare' behaviour.

More annoying questions include;
"What's the best rifle?"
"Do you have nightmares?"
"Why endanger your life for Tony Blair?"
"Why would anyone join the army?"

Is there a way to take the moral high ground without looking strange?

The worst part being that after 6 years in a regiment that, apparently, has trouble with spelling tests I never actually had a round fired at me and the closest I got to being injured was having a bog seat hit the back of my helmet in Ballymurphy (Good shot, sort of frisbee effect).

Does anyone have any set 'put-downs' for questions like these (Not bog seats) and it didn't even hurt. :D

I'd like some sensible answers, although I have a funny feeling I won't get any.
Sorry to say I have, only it was by some nob on the pistol range, even have a hole in my combats to prove it.

Other questions..

Do they( who is THEY? FFS!) let you have guns? :roll:
Whats it like shooting/murdering/killing people? 8O
Whats the Queen like? Usaully qualified by..I've heard shes very short/kind/old. How would I know, I've only ever marched past her Eyes fixed forward(RH man) terrified I might drop my sword..

The worst one was some nutter in Cornwall who insisted that we tell him about the Government's secret test site in Penhale.... :roll: He wouldn't take no for an answer, so in the end I folded, told him I'd hurt my leg when the stealth fighter I was piloting crashed trying to keep up. Worst thing was he believed me. Now I know how these conspiracy theories get started :D
 
#5
I've been shot at on the range too. I climbed up the frame thingy in the butts and some navy tosser (clearance diver i think) managed to have an ND that hit the ground just near me. Shat myself! Good old matelots...
 
#6
It might of been the language difference however
I was asked the calibre of cannon on the Tristar at Hanover Airport back in '91 by a kraut civvy, he didn't believe it was the AAR probe
 
#7
sprjim said:
Another good question every tw*t comes out with 'do you know john/taff/dave/andy/chris (delete as appropriate). How small do these people think the army is? Good question though howler. I shall watch with interest and then look forward to my next meeting with the duty nob.
Even worse is when you're thinking "Daft Cnut!" and your oppo, overhearing the conversation, actually does know these people. I met a few old mates in Iraq that I hadn't seen in 20 years after asking just this question. Combination of luck and coincidence.
 
#8
Howler said:
"What's the best rifle?" Mine. I know it points away from me.
"Do you have nightmares?" Not at all. My experiences have caused insomnia.
"Why endanger your life for Tony Blair?" You're mistaken. That's not part of my job description.
"Why would anyone join the army?" It's a bit like climbing Everest. A bloody long slog to the top, then it's all downhill.

Is there a way to take the moral high ground without looking strange? Camouflage
 
#10
Whilst in a drunken stupor down Union Street during the `80s I had a young girl ask if I`d ever killed anyone, to which I replied "Only with my c ock", she then made a sharp exit, whether it was because I mentioned my c ock or because she actually took it literally I don`t know...but was very amusing at the time. :D
 
#11
In the 1970s I asked my father if he had ever killed anyone. His reply was a left hook which almost knocked me out.

As a young boy at the time his response shocked me almost to the point of p1ssing my kecks.

Years later I discovered the truth and almost managed to understand his outburst at the time.

Yours,

Fred West (Jnr).
 
#15
natotattie said:
In the 1970s I asked my father if he had ever killed anyone. His reply was a left hook which almost knocked me out.

As a young boy at the time his response shocked me almost to the point of p1ssing my kecks.

Years later I discovered the truth and almost managed to understand his outburst at the time.

Yours,

Fred West (Jnr).
Amusing but strangely disturbing at the same time 8O
 
T

taric

Guest
#17
This is not so much a question but a phrase to quote a few chavs in the local student drinkhole " if you gave me a gun i'd go toiraq and show 'em what for!" OR "there aint nothing happening over there it aint been on the news for a while"
 
#18
Does anyone have any set 'put-downs' for questions like these
I recently read 'Quartered Safe Out Here' by George Fraser, basically his recollections of WWII in Burma. He too gets pretty annoyed with being asked whether he ever killed anyone, and advises that the best reply is simply
'why do you want to know?' Puts the ball in their court and subtly tells them to naff off!
 
B

Biscuits_AB

Guest
#19
Howler said:
Try as I might, to keep quiet about being ex military, there is always some inbred f#ckwit who will ask this question over a beer. My question is, how to deal with said imbeciles?
A quick left hook is out of the question due to wanting to keep my liberty and having better things to do, on the other hand, a deep silence suggests waltish 'Thousand yard stare' behaviour.

More annoying questions include;
"What's the best rifle?"
"Do you have nightmares?"
"Why endanger your life for Tony Blair?"
"Why would anyone join the army?"

Is there a way to take the moral high ground without looking strange?

The worst part being that after 6 years in a regiment that, apparently, has trouble with spelling tests I never actually had a round fired at me and the closest I got to being injured was having a bog seat hit the back of my helmet in Ballymurphy (Good shot, sort of frisbee effect).

Does anyone have any set 'put-downs' for questions like these (Not bog seats) and it didn't even hurt. :D

I'd like some sensible answers, although I have a funny feeling I won't get any.

Replies:

a. The one in the boot of my car.
b. Yes. I have daymares as well.
c. He is my father.
d. Free pants.
 

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