Have you ever killed anyone?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Howler, Jun 12, 2006.

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  1. Try as I might, to keep quiet about being ex military, there is always some inbred f#ckwit who will ask this question over a beer. My question is, how to deal with said imbeciles?
    A quick left hook is out of the question due to wanting to keep my liberty and having better things to do, on the other hand, a deep silence suggests waltish 'Thousand yard stare' behaviour.

    More annoying questions include;
    "What's the best rifle?"
    "Do you have nightmares?"
    "Why endanger your life for Tony Blair?"
    "Why would anyone join the army?"

    Is there a way to take the moral high ground without looking strange?

    The worst part being that after 6 years in a regiment that, apparently, has trouble with spelling tests I never actually had a round fired at me and the closest I got to being injured was having a bog seat hit the back of my helmet in Ballymurphy (Good shot, sort of frisbee effect).

    Does anyone have any set 'put-downs' for questions like these (Not bog seats) and it didn't even hurt. :D

    I'd like some sensible answers, although I have a funny feeling I won't get any.
  2. "Killed anyone today?"
    "Day ain't over yet."

    -Curly (Jack Palance), City Slickers
  3. Another good question every tw*t comes out with 'do you know john/taff/dave/andy/chris (delete as appropriate). How small do these people think the army is? Good question though howler. I shall watch with interest and then look forward to my next meeting with the duty nob.
  4. Sorry to say I have, only it was by some nob on the pistol range, even have a hole in my combats to prove it.

    Other questions..

    Do they( who is THEY? FFS!) let you have guns? :roll:
    Whats it like shooting/murdering/killing people? 8O
    Whats the Queen like? Usaully qualified by..I've heard shes very short/kind/old. How would I know, I've only ever marched past her Eyes fixed forward(RH man) terrified I might drop my sword..

    The worst one was some nutter in Cornwall who insisted that we tell him about the Government's secret test site in Penhale.... :roll: He wouldn't take no for an answer, so in the end I folded, told him I'd hurt my leg when the stealth fighter I was piloting crashed trying to keep up. Worst thing was he believed me. Now I know how these conspiracy theories get started :D
  5. I've been shot at on the range too. I climbed up the frame thingy in the butts and some navy tosser (clearance diver i think) managed to have an ND that hit the ground just near me. Shat myself! Good old matelots...
  6. It might of been the language difference however
    I was asked the calibre of cannon on the Tristar at Hanover Airport back in '91 by a kraut civvy, he didn't believe it was the AAR probe
  7. Even worse is when you're thinking "Daft Cnut!" and your oppo, overhearing the conversation, actually does know these people. I met a few old mates in Iraq that I hadn't seen in 20 years after asking just this question. Combination of luck and coincidence.
  9. Or lack of mate
  10. Whilst in a drunken stupor down Union Street during the `80s I had a young girl ask if I`d ever killed anyone, to which I replied "Only with my c ock", she then made a sharp exit, whether it was because I mentioned my c ock or because she actually took it literally I don`t know...but was very amusing at the time. :D
  11. In the 1970s I asked my father if he had ever killed anyone. His reply was a left hook which almost knocked me out.

    As a young boy at the time his response shocked me almost to the point of p1ssing my kecks.

    Years later I discovered the truth and almost managed to understand his outburst at the time.


    Fred West (Jnr).
  12. That killed the conversation didn't it!
  13. Better than killing my siblings.
  14. Indeed... 8O
  15. Amusing but strangely disturbing at the same time 8O