Have You Ever Danced?-A Tale of the Old American West

#1
I posted this on the "Ageism" forum for us old geezers but thought it might be a useful reminder to you young "whippersnappers" too:

[FONT=&quot]
Have You Ever Danced?

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.

The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.

He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... Never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.


The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... But... I've always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for us all here:

Never be arrogant.

Don't waste ammunition.

Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.

Always, always make sure you know who has the power.

Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.

I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?
[/FONT]
 
#2
Yes age and cunning beats youth and enthusiasm every time. I can still see the look of horror on the face of that young athletic, fit and supple open-side flanker as he was penalised for the third time and yellow-carded last season. His offence? Getting to the break down (before me) and focussing on the ball, making it easy for me to pull him off his feet and over the ball. It really did look as if he was diving off his feet...
 
#3
Hmm, Age & wisdom, reminds me of the old joke, Daddy Bull & his son, Bull jr were grazing at the top of a hill when the farmer opened the gate at the bottom of the field & drove in a large herd of delectable young heifers! Bull jr exitedly turns to his dad & says "come on Dad lets run down & do a few", Daddy Bull looks up slowly & says "No son, lets stroll down & do the lot"!!!
 
#4
A farmer goes into town to buy a new Rooster because his current one is well past his best.

He comes home with a prize Cockerel, large, athletic, powerful and virile. He struts to the Coop and proceeds to woo all the hens. On his way out he notices the old Rooster and laughs at his saggy form, his brittle comb and his hunched frame.

'Now, son, there's no need to laugh. I've been the prize rooster of this farm for 15 years and I'm not likely to be beaten by a pup like you.'

The young Rooster laughs at this and tells the old one that he'll beat him at ANY contest.

'Any contest?' says the old Rooster. 'Alright, how about a race around the farm house? If I win, you have to leave the farm, but if you win, I'll break my own neck and go to feed the farmer and his family.'

The young Rooster agrees readily but states that it really wouldn't be fair to thrash the old rooster completely.

'Well, as I haven't run about in years. Maybe you could give me a head start. I'll get to where the farmer's sitting over there and then you can go, alright?

The Rooster agrees and warms up as the old Rooster starts on his trundling path. As soon as he gets to the farmer the young chicken sprints with all his might, pulling up just behind the old Rooster in seconds.

BANG!

'Damn it!' shouts the farmer, blowing the smoke from his shotgun. 'That's the third gay rooster I've bought this month.'

A lesson for the young.
 
#5
cuddles.. and you didnt get a wild haymaker !! what is the youth of today coming to.you sour old cheating rotton bastard. I hope you got him a jar after and told him what his own sour old rotton cheating bastards on his side should have told him was happening mid game. duty of care and all that.
 
#6
cuddles.. and you didnt get a wild haymaker !! what is the youth of today coming to.you sour old cheating rotton bastard. I hope you got him a jar after and told him what his own sour old rotton cheating bastards on his side should have told him was happening mid game. duty of care and all that.
Nah, I remember in the good old days, playing with an old, but very experienced & strong Welsh Prop, we were up against quite a useful side who had a very tall 2nd row, must have been about 6' 7", fuck me I thought, at 6' 3" I'm not going to get a look in at the line outs, the old prop pulled me to one side, "just make a few token jumps against him in the first few lineouts, let him get confident", which we did, on the 4th line out the prop said "ok now, when he jumps you crouch & go sideways taking his legs away, I'll drop on him when he's on the deck"!! Sorted, the poor bastard was so shaken up he didn't get another ball that afternoon & we won comfortably!
I know its illegal now, but this was in the late 60's/early 70's!
 
#7
the mid eighties I remember the front row could pack down as low as they needed to before the 90 deg hips rule.. more often than not they resembled grazing ruminants more than human beings.. the game had changed somewhat from then till now.. so the late 60s early seventies must have been a sight.. !
your anecdote is a total example of a bigger and overconfidant chap being shown the truth of the size of the fight in the dog saying then.
 
#9
the mid eighties I remember the front row could pack down as low as they needed to before the 90 deg hips rule.. more often than not they resembled grazing ruminants more than human beings.. the game had changed somewhat from then till now.. so the late 60s early seventies must have been a sight.. !
your anecdote is a total example of a bigger and overconfidant chap being shown the truth of the size of the fight in the dog saying then.
I remember them changing the law so you couldn't go into contact (in open play) with your head lower than your hips...about 1980? I had just "tossed" the opposition 5'0" hooker like a bull and was heading for in-goal when the ref blew me up. I was disgusted! If I chose to lower my 6' 5" frame to ruminant grazing creature level then so what? Dangerous play? Ha! He should have paid more attention to my rucking style if he was looking for dangerous play...I was scouted for a Morris Dancing Side that afternoon!
 
#10
I remember them changing the law so you couldn't go into contact (in open play) with your head lower than your hips...about 1980? I had just "tossed" the opposition 5'0" hooker like a bull and was heading for in-goal when the ref blew me up. I was disgusted! If I chose to lower my 6' 5" frame to ruminant grazing creature level then so what? Dangerous play? Ha! He should have paid more attention to my rucking style if he was looking for dangerous play...I was scouted for a Morris Dancing Side that afternoon!
You are a member of the Britannia Coco-nut Dancers of Bacup and I claim my £5.

 
#11
No I am not and for a false challenge, that will be £5 plus an administration fee of £3456.87 plus VAT...
 
#12
cuddles.. so many questions ..You "tossed him off like a bull" .... what with one of them artificial vaginas !? ..was he of particularly good stock then ? who did you choose to breed him with and can we have a look ... surely that should have been done in the bath afterwards and not on the field.. do you remember baths (of course you do) a foul cesspit of writhing singing , bellowing propblubber, enough to make the ganges resemble a clear alpine spring, as 30 blokes wash shave spill beer and bleed into the odious mire... no wonder they banned them ! we had showers at my club, but my first away game was a shock to the system, the club was a tin and asbestos shack in the middle of a field which in turn was in the middle of nowhere, the bar was a few crates illuminated by a single lightbulb on a string.. the barmaid was a warthog with massive tattooed tits that resembled political worldmap globes loosley slung in a hammock. She was the only woman I have ever met that copped the arseache if you actually looked at her face when talking to her...I lost my virginity in amsterdamned on tour in 1988, the lads had a whip round .. and the purchase was chosen for me by 1 of the old bastards on the team..
 
#13
Jumping Jarhead, glad you like, I googled rugby and the usa and found quite a few, didnt know it was popular over there..thanks for running advice also, Im trying to get fit to have a couple more seasons after quite an abcense.. figure its MY turn to be an old bugger.
 
#14
cuddles.. so many questions ..You "tossed him off like a bull" .... what with one of them artificial vaginas !? ..was he of particularly good stock then ? who did you choose to breed him with and can we have a look ... surely that should have been done in the bath afterwards and not on the field.. do you remember baths (of course you do) a foul cesspit of writhing singing , bellowing propblubber, enough to make the ganges resemble a clear alpine spring, as 30 blokes wash shave spill beer and bleed into the odious mire... no wonder they banned them ! we had showers at my club, but my first away game was a shock to the system, the club was a tin and asbestos shack in the middle of a field which in turn was in the middle of nowhere, the bar was a few crates illuminated by a single lightbulb on a string.. the barmaid was a warthog with massive tattooed tits that resembled political worldmap globes loosley slung in a hammock. She was the only woman I have ever met that copped the arseache if you actually looked at her face when talking to her...I lost my virginity in amsterdamned on tour in 1988, the lads had a whip round .. and the purchase was chosen for me by 1 of the old bastards on the team..
Baths, Mmmm memories, The first team I played for was a small team from a steelworks in S Wales in the late 50's, one of our fixtures was another small side up in the valleys, the changing room was a Chapel hall, the washing facilities was a COLD standpipe around the back of the hall! Saying that, our hooker, a 16 year old apprentice, went on to get capped for Wales in the 60's!
I remember later in the 60's & 70's when I played for one of the lower eschelons of the London Welsh team, playing against some of the big teaching hospitals who had beautiful baths, like small swimming pools, mind you there was still a rush to get in early before it had been pissed in by some of the dirty buggers in the front row!!
It takes me to another story, London Welsh's ground is in Kew just up the road from Richmond where, funnily enough, Richmond has a ground shared at that time with London Scottish, not far up the road was Rosslyn Park, so every Saturday in the season many matches are played in the area plus innumerable soccer matches, so possibly several hundred young men get involved in sports which often involve injuries!
I was playing against London Scottish one saturday and happened to fall & become trapped in a ruck, just happening to claw back the ball from the Scots, when their srum half, a little miffed, did the highland fling on my exposed leg, causing me a little discomfort! At half time the aforementioned leg had swollen to twice its size and I had to cut the garter holding up the sock, the first aid guy looked a bit concerned & said I should go to hospital, but I wanted to finish the game, no subs in those days. After the match and having showered I went along to the Richmond hospital A&E dept! A charming Female doctor looked at it & said she thought it was broken, I asked if she could check with an Xray, to which she said I would have to be admitted & wait until Monday as the Xray dept didn't open at weekend! I declined her kind offer as I had a hot date that evening, funnily enough with another Nurse who happened to be a Sister at St Mary Abbots in Kensington, so I would be in good hands! She took me to her hospital the next day where it turned out the highland fling had damaged a few veins in the leg necessitating a minor opp! (but thats another story)
 
#16
A legendary tales from the old West (for JJH benefit).

New mexico 1882.. a lone young bounty hunter is approaching a remote ranchhouse, its his 1st job and its a big un. hes nervous as hell. Therin lies his prey... he kicks the door in... inside he finds John Wayne stood by the fireside , leaning against the mantlepiece.

John Wayne doesnt say a fucking word...


"Ive got a warrant signed by the marshall to take you in " he says to him

John Wayne doesnt say a fucking word


"its all legal , the rewards $4000"

John Wayne doesnt say a fucking word.....

the bounty hunter pulls out his pistol , levels it and cocks the hammer back


John Wayne doesnt say a fucking word

"looks like its going to be dead rather than alive then, makes no odds to me " says the bountyhunter

John Wayne doesnt say a fucking word........................................


.................. he just stands there stoking the fire with his cock.
 
#17
A legendary tales from the old West (for JJH benefit).

New mexico 1882.. a lone young bounty hunter is approaching a remote ranchhouse, its his 1st job and its a big un. hes nervous as hell. Therin lies his prey... he kicks the door in... inside he finds John Wayne stood by the fireside , leaning against the mantlepiece.

John Wayne doesnt say a fucking word...


"Ive got a warrant signed by the marshall to take you in " he says to him

John Wayne doesnt say a fucking word


"its all legal , the rewards $4000"

John Wayne doesnt say a fucking word.....

the bounty hunter pulls out his pistol , levels it and cocks the hammer back


John Wayne doesnt say a fucking word

"looks like its going to be dead rather than alive then, makes no odds to me " says the bountyhunter

John Wayne doesnt say a fucking word........................................


.................. he just stands there stoking the fire with his cock.
Gives new meaning to the phrase "man of steel."
 
#18
Ex col, your date for that evening.. did it "take a welsh miner to find her vagina, and the hairs from her dicky dido hung down to her knees"
No, not that particular nurse! But since you ask, there was another nurse, another time, coincidentally from Wales,l who was particularly hirsute and yes the same words came into my mind at the time! I, of course, was too much of a "gentleman" to say anything , or was it just the fact I wanted my legover and didn't want to piss her off? :)
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads